Long-term condom use in a relationship

[dragon lady]

I can't use any form of hormonal birth control because of the negative effects on my mood and health. I also had a non-hormonal IUD at one point and it was a disaster for me. This pretty much just leaves me with condoms because I'm not going down the diaphragm route.

 

I've told my partner this and I presented it to him like I would understand if it were a deal breaker for him. He said it didn't matter at all and that my well-being was a lot more important to him than condomless sex (keeper!! \\

 

This will be the first time I've ever relied on only condoms for contraception. Other times I've been on the pill or used a combination of pill and condom. I've had quite a few breakages and slippages over the years and this worries me greatly, especially since the new guy prefers those extra thin types. So far nothing has happened, but it's only been a few weeks.

 

Do you think condoms are safe enough to use for the long-term? Am I playing with fire?

 

Also, before anyone suggests tracking the cycle and avoiding sex at certain times, this is impossible for me because my cycles are all over the place. Sometimes I won't have a period for 3 months at a time. It wouldn't be very reliable.

[OntheWire]

It's a risk. Can't escape that. But then sex is always a risk.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Would he be okay with pulling out as well?

 

While not the most effective method (I believe 70% if used correctly), it'll will more than half your chances of getting pregnant when using a condom.

 

Also, the sponge and diaphragm are a good hormone less option.

[Speranza]

It's riskiER... but then I know someone who got pregnant twice on the Pill.

 

Nothing is certain, that's why I always feel it's wise only to have sex with somone you would feel comfortable having a baby with - just in case...

[OptomisticGirl]

Well look at it this way. If the relationship goes to marriage and you want to have kids, you won't always be using condoms.

 

I think just using a condom is uping the risk only because of what you said (they can break and holes) but you take any kind of risk when you have sex. My cousin used a condom and his girlfriend was on the pill and she ended up pregnant because she took medication and it cancelled out her pill and the condom broke that night.

 

So nothing is for sure. But yeah, he is a def. keeper girl.

[dragon lady]

Would he be okay with pulling out as well?

 

While not the most effective method (I believe 70% if used correctly), it'll will more than half your chances of getting pregnant when using a condom.

 

Also, the sponge and diaphragm are a good hormone less option.

 

I could always ask. I do hate that I'm taking all the fun out of sex as it is, but it might be better than an unwanted pregnancy.

 

Unfortunately, they don't have sponges where I live and I'm not going to use a diaphragm. I'm just not.

[dragon lady]

It's riskiER... but then I know someone who got pregnant twice on the Pill.

 

Nothing is certain, that's why I always feel it's wise only to have sex with somone you would feel comfortable having a baby with - just in case...

 

If I did that, I'd still be a virgin. I don't ever want kids.

 

Abstinence is not an option in this relationship.

[OntheWire]

I don't ever want kids.

 

 

If that's the case, why not a tubal ligation?

[Cognitive_Canine]

I could always ask. I do hate that I'm taking all the fun out of sex as it is, but it might be better than an unwanted pregnancy.

 

Unfortunately, they don't have sponges where I live and I'm not going to use a diaphragm. I'm just not.

 

You should talk to your doctor about the sponges. Maybe he can get them shipped in for you. It might be a little expensive but it's cheaper than a baby.

 

And, pulling out doesn't take all the fun out of sex. My boyfriend have been using a condom and pulling out for a while now. He's kind of freaked out about the idea of me getting pregnant so he's more than happy to be extra careful.

 

I don't know how you feel about oral sex, but it goes a long way when you aren't ready for the risk.

[DaBladeRoden]

the best part is coming inside though

[OptomisticGirl]

the best part is coming inside though

 

Naturally, but I always say reserve that for a person who you would want to have a child with if pregnancy happened...

 

 

What about getting your tubes tied or something? I'm not sure how old you are and I mean it's a radical thing to do but it's one of the safest ways to go about it.

[DrKitten]

The OP is 23. Most doctors will refuse to perform tubal ligation on women until they hit their mid thirties.

 

I would also see about keeping a few packs of Plan B around, in case of condom failure.

[OptomisticGirl]

The OP is 23. Most doctors will refuse to perform tubal ligation on women until they hit their mid thirties.

 

I would also see about keeping a few packs of Plan B around, in case of condom failure.

 

I didn't think you could get Plan B over the counter.. hm. You learn something every day.

 

Is the shot the same hormone type as the pill? I have never taken the shot before (always the pill) but if it's not that could be an option as well.

[sharsachan]

If that's the case, why not a tubal ligation?

 

i dont know any doctor in my area who will do a tubal on a 23 year old, especially one that has no children. same in most places. they are afraid the patient will change their mind. they want to wait until you already have a couple kids or until you are around 30-35 years old.

 

 

I didn't think you could get Plan B over the counter.. hm. You learn something every day.

 

in the US, if you are over 18 year old, you can go right to the pharmacy counter and get it. its behind the counter but not prescription. if you are under 18, you can't, but you can probably find an older friend/relative to get it for you

[DaBladeRoden]

i dont know any doctor in my area who will do a tubal on a 23 year old, especially one that has no children. same in most places. they are afraid the patient will change their mind. they want to wait until you already have a couple kids or until you are around 30-35 years old.

 

 

 

 

in the US, if you are over 18 year old, you can go right to the pharmacy counter and get it. its behind the counter but not prescription. if you are under 18, you can't, but you can probably find an older friend/relative to get it for you

 

why are they afraid the patient will change their mind later in life? It's not like they're the doctors problem anymore

[Rose21]

I always take my pill on time AND have my boyfriend pull out.

 

I won't use condoms because it takes all pleasure out of sex for me and I have tried all kind; latex, non-latex, extra thin, lubricated, lamb skin etc, they make it veryy uncomofrtable to go in, it hurts, and it usually leaves a rash no matter WHAT kind it is.

 

So I just stick to the B-control and pulling out, i think that is pretty safe!

 

You could try the condom AND pull out.

 

Maybe you could do a low estrogen B-control? I'm on the generic brand of Ortho-tri cyclen lo.

 

I've been fine on it.

 

Or maybe you could take the pill and anxiety medication? thats what I have aswell.

 

How about Depo-provera (the shot) It's non-hormornal, it may work for you, for me it made me PSYCHO though. You have been warned...

 

For me I have always known b-control (pills, Iuds etc) more reliable/less risky than JUST condoms. But you can always pull out too.

[Rose21]

You could try taking the pill I take.

 

I am VERY sensitive to drugs etc and a lot of things alter my moods greatly, but I have found that I am fine on this pill!

[Rose21]

also, if he is clean there should be no reason for you to use a condom for ORAL too.

 

My boyfriend was a virgin (had never gone past kissing before me) So I knew there was no reason to get tested.

 

I was fine too, one prior partner but stupid un protected mistakes!

 

I feel the same as you, I can't abstain from sex, but I don't really want kids ever either.

 

I'm 95% sure. If I change my mind, it wont be until the ages 35-42. If I haven't had one past the age of 45 though, I'm not going to try at all, just cruel to the kid.

 

But yeah, I'd much rather have a romantic marriage (un-divided attention) AND save money=)

[Cognitive_Canine]

why are they afraid the patient will change their mind later in life? It's not like they're the doctors problem anymore

 

Yeah, it is the doctor's problem. It's a question of ethics.

[JeckyllNHyde]

Do you think condoms are safe enough to use for the long-term? Am I playing with fire?

 

Also, before anyone suggests tracking the cycle and avoiding sex at certain times, this is impossible for me because my cycles are all over the place. Sometimes I won't have a period for 3 months at a time. It wouldn't be very reliable.

 

Well, I also have irregular periods like you described. Usually every 7 weeks, but some times it can take as much as 2-3 months. Been together with my bf over 2 yrs and we've been using condoms thru out.

 

Don't quote me on the below as they may only be my beliefs:

As an extra measure, I find there is a way to tell when it's "safe" to have sex (with less risk of pregnancy) by checking mucus down there. When it's extra stretchy, you know you're around ovulation time. The only glitch I've found with this (extra) method is that sometimes I noticed this happen more then once during my cycle, so it's confusing to tell WHEN was the exact time I ovulated.

 

Using the pull out method while he is cumming or prior to is a good extra measure. It depends on the guy and if he's able to, wants to or is willing to do this.

 

I also feel more comfy using condoms and NO hormonal BC since we don't have sex everyday. Sometimes it's 2-3 times a week, sometimes less. And there's times we just do oral, etc. so there's no need for BC really.

Somehow I equate less sex with less chance of BC failure lol (but in reality I guess all BC carry chance of failure.)

 

So far condoms have never failed me, even with other bf's.

[sharsachan]

why are they afraid the patient will change their mind later in life? It's not like they're the doctors problem anymore

 

some patients go back and sue the doctor for doing it.

 

i'm not saying its right, but that's what happens. they do regret their decision and blame the doctor for it. granted, its a small number, the majority are very happy with their decision and go through life with no regrets about it, but its the same with everything, one person can spoil it for everyone.

[Cognitive_Canine]

It's a shame that it works that way because people should not be babied or coddled and enjoy the freedom of making decisions like this. This world is getting too paternalistic for my taste, and people who make these decisions then feel that their regret somehow is enough for a lawsuit, lol.

 

It's always a risk, but I agree with whoever mentioned the Plan B option as a backup. I guess pulling out is fine, too...just sort of depends on how he feels about that. I never really cared about inside/outside and didn't necessarily feel anymore intimate or close just because the option to * * * * * * * inside was there.

 

People are prone to change their mind before 30 on the subject of kids. I think it makes sense to not let a patient make decision like that so young.

[OptomisticGirl]

It's a shame that it works that way because people should not be babied or coddled and enjoy the freedom of making decisions like this. This world is getting too paternalistic for my taste, and people who make these decisions then feel that their regret somehow is enough for a lawsuit, lol.

.

 

But you know I had a friend who by 23 had had 4 kids and they still wouldn't do one on her.. there at lest be a paper you sign stating you won't regret later and so on.

[Speranza]

link removed

 

Never fancied it myself, but there's some info on the shot.

 

You know how when you tell a little boy that one day he will grow up and love girls and he runs off to be sick? Cos he's not at that life stage and can't visualise it ever happening to him?

 

Well, a LOT of people are that way about kids. They don't think they want to be parents and then suddenly it's an overwhelming urge, just like that same little kid ends up reading porn under the bedcovers.

 

Thing is, there is NOTHING more heartbreaking than infertility, once you have decided you want children. I am really lucky, from the age of three I knew I wanted two little girls - and that's what I had. But i have friends who waited and waited and then decided to go for it - and had left it too late.

 

There is a reason for all the mythology around the 'Ticking of the biological clock'.

 

You may remain adamant about not wanting children. But doctors know (and it's not paternalistic in this case) that many people change their minds when they grow older. It's not possible to offer sterilisation for that reason. It would be irresponsible in fact, except in exceptional circumstances.

[Speranza]

If I did that, I'd still be a virgin. I don't ever want kids.

 

Abstinence is not an option in this relationship.

 

By the way, I do understand what you're saying. But you do need to realise that even if you got your tubes tied, there is still a chance that like it or not,you could end up pregnant.

 

I suppose you've thought this through and would be okay with abortion, which is fine - but that wasn't an option for me in the same way you won't countenance the diaphragm, so my working rule was, THINK ABOUT THIS!

 

You are obviously in a caring relationship. Just make sure that he feels the same way about kids. A friend of mine (she's 24) has been in a lovely relationship for about 3 years, made it clear that she didn't want kids right from the beginning, and suddenly her b/f has realised that he's changed life stage and DOES want them. It's appalled both of them, and they have had no choice but to split up, because she remains certain about it.

 

When the parenting urge DOES kick in, it is like nothing else you have ever been through. Be aware that it may happen to your partner, if not to you. If it does, it is not that he's been lying - like I said above, things and people can change...