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"It's not you! It's me!"


hellopeople

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I'm just curious if this line is ever really true (along with the "let's still be friends") or if it's just pretty much the default to say when you're breaking up with someone. Because I was spoon fed this line: "And if this were the one time someone could say it, and it be 100% true, it would be!". Hahahahaha. What a joke - but I, of course went weeks believing this.

 

Seriously, how many of us have had this thrown into our faces?

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That is exactly what my husband said to me .... and to be honest I know now it was him and not me!! It was his moment of weakness, it was his bad decision, it was his mid-life crisis, it was his inability to handle family situations ..... me .... I was a good wife and mother who didn't do anything to drive him away. I know because he has since told me.

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Just about everyone has, and probably several times!

 

It really should be, 'it's not you, it's me not loving you anymore.. or me wanting to sneak off without you making a scene about the real reason.' because that is really the gist of it. they may still like you and respect you a lot, but for whatever reason, they don't love you enough anymore to want to be with you, whether the reason is they met someone else, or they're bored with you, or they've decided you're not the one for them., or who knows....

 

My absolute favorite time a guy said this to me was when i told him that i wanted to move the relationship from casual to more serious and move to his home town to be nearer him, and he gave me the 'it's not you, it's me, i don't think i ever love anyone the way i should, don't want to be tied down to anybody, and didn't even love my wives the way i should even though i married them (!!!).

 

And the real irony is i found out that he was married, and lying about being married (a LDR), so the line was total horsepooey... what the problem was he was a lying cheater, and he gave me that line when i started asking for more and he realized he couldn't carry on the lie any longer if i moved to his town, so he gave me the 'it's not you it's me' nonsense.

 

I just absolutely do not ever believe that line when i hear it (or hear other people hear it). There's always another reason they leave or break up, and they are too cowardly or fearful to tell you what it is.

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It's double speak for "I'm already sleeping with someone else, or will be by tonight, and I don't want you to know because I might want to get back together somewhere down the road". Same with the "let's be friends" line. It's a way for them to feel they have a plan B in you if their new situation doesn't work out.

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I've never dumped anyone, but I have definitely ended friendships. And just as in ending friendships, I can imagine situations where it really isn't them, but I am simply at a place in life where I feel a relationship is an additional stress and am not able to enjoy it.

 

My dumper...he said that, but (like jellybaby) I think it really was him and not me. Something I didn't know until we were well into a relationship was that he has a track record of dumping women for no reason, and then regretting it.

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