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surprise surprise. hes gone again.


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This is about the 3rd time my ex has left me, come back and now pulled away again and I am left to heal myself somehow. He is overly nice to me. Then things start going downhill and he treats me like * * * * for months, then he leaves. I do everything I can to move on. Then he comes back maybe ¾ months later and he’s loving, caring, affectionate again. & I fall for it. Thinking that THIS time things will be different. THIS time he will treat me as I deserve to be treated. He leaves me with hope and I am too in love with him to pull away when there’s a chance he’s going to be the guy he has been in the past.

 

He has blamed me, abused me and left me with zero self esteem or self respect. Yet he snaps his fingers and I’m under his command. Every single time. I make excuses for why he is treating me so horribly. That he has a lot going on in his life and his excuse, there is just no ‘time’ to give me respect. He’s too tired.

 

Why can’t I pull myself away. Why do I remember the words that I love and keep me hanging on for dear life, and forget the ones that left me home alone & distraught for the majority of the year. I’m tired of being a pushover, and I yet feel like I couldn’t go through losing him again. I continue to fight for him.

Despite everything he does to me I am still in love with him.

I’m exhausted and I'm done with the rollercoaster. How the heck do I let him go for good.

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Stop holding on! You need to build your own universe that revolves around you, not him. It is totally doable. Totally. You need to act. Get help. Do something to improve yourself. The fact that you've been through this several times simply means you haven't learned well enough - yet. Make it this time and then you can truly move on and find real happiness.

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He never really states reasons. Or they are exaggerated. eg. I "smother" him. Yes i am not the most secure person. But we talk every couple of days for half hour or so because HE texts or calls me. HE is the one who keeps coming back. I used to chase a very long time ago but it is him initiating contact. I take the blame for everything and apologise and forgive HIM but beat myself up about what i'd done wrong for days. I started pulling back from people everyday just because the smothering comment played on my mind so much and I felt like such a terrible person. Maybe if i'm commited to moving on I should change my number/ email etc. Its kind of scary to cut all ties though. I keep thinking what if he has a turn around or finally is that person again.

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Just say "Please don't call me any more. I am moving on with my life."

 

And then change your phone number.

 

And then tell your friends and family that you have cut him off so they will support you when you are weak, and you will hesitate to let him in because you'll be embarrassed for doing so.

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