Jump to content

Womens perspective on sex


ksh1255

Recommended Posts

For those that do not know, I have an article posted under the Divorce forum, as my wife has decided she does not want to be with me.

 

I'm having a hard time dealing with it, and the lack of intimacy has been involved in the conversation quite a few times. I guess my question to the women is, is sex more emotional than physical?

 

Reason I ask is that my wife has always complimented our sex life. Though life is busy, since marriage its never been where it should have been for newlyweds. Of course, I worked alot of hours, she was in school, and she was pregnant so the odds were kind of against us to have a booming sex life. Anyway as a man, I can tell my wife has always been extremely satisfied when it come to sex. I could tell by her reactions, her compliments etc...and even in this hard time, she says "It was the best sex I've ever had...at one time, but I do not have those feelings for you anymore".

 

I was just wondering if that makes sense from women. I mean my wife isn't perfect, I know she has had some drunken hookups in her past, and to me there would be no real emotion or "want" tied to that. I guess maybe thats why she always felt so highly of our sex life?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm sort of confused by your story. Your wife is divorcing you because she no longer has feelings for you? Or she has stopped being intimate?

 

For me, I've never had sex outside of a loving relationship, so I don't know about one night stands all that much.

 

But, I do think there are different kinds of sex that link up to the mentality of the person. A one night stand is emotionless, no-strings attached...about lust. Meanwhile sex within a relationship can be quite emotional or not depending on what kind of mood you are in. While I don't think I connect emotion to sex, I think sexual activity is a good sign to the health of a relationship. Couples who communicate well, trust each other, and have fun within the emotional part of a relationship, have better sex. The things overlap, in my mind.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm sort of confused by your story. Your wife is divorcing you because she no longer has feelings for you? Or she has stopped being intimate?

 

 

She wants to leave because she doesnt feel in love with me anymore, nor does she have the desire for me as she says. Our intimacy stopped mid December, atleast the sex, she was in a bad accident and couldnt even if she wanted to for a month or more...but since then problems has made her not want to at all, she doesnt even want to be with me. She just said that we DID have the best sex she ever had, but those feelings were gone, so I was wondering if there was any truth to a statement like that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

She wants to leave because she doesnt feel in love with me anymore, nor does she have the desire for me as she says. Our intimacy stopped mid December, atleast the sex, she was in a bad accident and couldnt even if she wanted to for a month or more...but since then problems has made her not want to at all, she doesnt even want to be with me. She just said that we DID have the best sex she ever had, but those feelings were gone, so I was wondering if there was any truth to a statement like that.

 

Maybe she felt like sex was the glue that held you together. When you went through that period where you couldn't have sex, maybe it depressed her and she felt sex was all you had in common?

 

I think you really need to talk to her about what changed.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't know your backstory..but having experienced exactly what you're going through..I will repeat the mantra that I've said over and over again..there is only ONE reason people break up (male and female)...loss of attraction. A bitter pill to swallow. I am optimistic enough to believe that the attraction can be rekindled. It seems sad...but sometimes you have to do the push/pull dance to re-attract people. If you distance and act like it's no big deal..she may return..If you can figure out WHY she isn't attracted to you anymore, and ramp up the elements that she finds attractive you may have a chance.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Maybe she felt like sex was the glue that held you together. When you went through that period where you couldn't have sex, maybe it depressed her and she felt sex was all you had in common?

 

I think you really need to talk to her about what changed.

 

I agree. This goes much deeper than a sex issue. The bad accident may have caused her to re-evaluate her life and what she wants...maybe she re-evaluated the relationship. Does she have chronic pain from the accident...major physical scarring, emotional distress/depression? These could all be factors. It may have very little to do with you and mostly about her own feelings about herself. It sounds like the accident was very traumatic...have the two of you discussed it? Has she opened up to you about her fears? Was her life in danger for a period of time? I don't think sex and attraction is the real issue....there are deeper issues going on but sometimes it is easier to look at the surface than to dig deeper to the real problem. Maybe she hasn't processed what has happened so she is just seeing the surface rather than really digging deeper into her feelings about herself, about mortality etc.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes it was a bad accident. I watched her and my daughter be airlifted. As for bad pain, yes for a whole month or more, her whole leg was bruised, and around her calf it looks like a shark bite scar. It is going to heal pretty bad as it is a perfect circle almost all the way around her calf. When it was stitched, it looked minorly deformed, and the dr said it would.

 

I agree there are deeper issues than just the sex. She stated her unhappiness before the sex stopped. If you are interested in my story it lies here:

 

 

 

 

I appreciate the suggestions so far

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I just read your previous thread. She most definitely has issues and there is really nothing you can do about it because she is not willing to help herself. It sounds like her feelings for the men she marries are only surface feelings, no real depth. You can't fix her or change her. Better not to waste your life on a marriage with a woman who doesn't love you and may not be capable of any deep, meaningful love.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sex to me is 50% emotional and 50% physical, when I don't get sex for a while I crave it on both fronts. It usually starts out physical, I need it, I want it etc. But if I don't get it for more than a week it turns into more emotional: why doesn't he want me, is he mad, I don't feel close to him. I stir up problems so I don't have to be around my boyfriend because it's too painful to physically near him when I'm an emotional wreck over him.

 

When I'm horny though (all the time) it's physical but I'm not just going to go out and hook up with some random guy, I want to be with my boyfriend so here comes the emotional.

50/50 for me!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well we are having marital problems that we are trying to work out. Things seem to be getting a little better, but its starting from square one, pretty much no affection. She will let me hug her tho alot of times she doesnt hug back she just lays her head on my shoulder. I get little "peck" kisses, and we spoon when we go to bed. Our communication is getting alot better so maybe in time it will fix.

 

My problem is simple - I don't care really if I'm the "best she has ever had"...I have always been confident in myself when it comes to sex, and alot of my past partners will agree that I do it well. I just dont understand how I can be someones best, but now they care less to have any intimacy. I mean if this was coming from a woman who has always based sex off feelings and emotion I would understand. But, my wife has been known to have a few drunken hookups. You can't tell me thats about emotion, has nothing to do with it. She says our first hookup wasnt emotion, she liked me but it was physical attraction and desire. She did tell me she doesnt even find me attractive anymore after our 3 fights in our marriage. Of course, this was before we started fixing things so hopefully that changes, but I still wonder if it will happen. We had a huge nasty breakup for about a month before where she pretty much hated me, and found her way back with me being in love and happy. So, I guess I'm hoping it happens again. These fights were not as big as the ones we had before our breakup IMO and we found happiness. Of course, we had older children then, and not an infant and nursing school - so we had alot of time for "us" then. Things just arent that way now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...