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Older virgin interested in getting married, mostly for sex!


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I'm a 40-year-old virgin man who has never been married and I have had the desire to be married to a virgin woman for a long time. I don't have a girlfriend. If I become engaged, then I would be interested in talking to my new fiance about what kind of sex we would be interested in having, once we are married. I have heard opinions and comments from some people before, such as "If you get married for sex, then you have a high chance of getting a divorce in the future, because your interests in sex will change and you won't be interested in your first wife or husband anymore". If anyone says this, then that person should not get married, from the start. I want to start a marriage having the belief in the value of Love, Commitment, Monogamy, Companionship, Great Sex, and the Confidence the marriage will work, without anticipating a divorce, even though a divorce is always a possibility. I know there are a lot of people at this forum who don't believe in marriage. I am not interested in reading advice or opinions from persons who do not believe in marriage.

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What are you asking, exactly?

 

You say in the beginning you want to get married for sex, but then later in your post you say you want to focus on love, commitment, monogamy, etc...

 

If you want a woman who's also a virgin maybe your first task should be finding one, then persuing a relationship with her.

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"If you get married for sex, then you have a high chance of getting a divorce in the future, because your interests in sex will change and you won't be interested in your first wife or husband anymore".

 

 

Actually it's more like "If you get married for sex then you have a high chance of divorce in the future because all the other areas in which you aren't compatible will soon come to the fore and make you both miserable."

 

Sex is an excellent glue for a good relationship, but a bad one for a bad relationship.

 

It's not wrong to think it's important, just wrong to think it's any kind of base.

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I would also recommend a regular relationship first.

 

But if your mind can't be changed, join a hardline Protestant/non-denominational church--I'm not talking a soft and squishy suburban megachurch, I mean a fire-and-brimstone one. I'm sure you'll meet women that, if not virginal, are at least minimally-experienced.

 

Moving to Utah couldn't hurt, either.

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Well, I do happen to 'believe' in marriage as serious business and meaningful. But that doesn't mean I agree with all your views on it, nor will a lot of people.

 

My main question is what is what if you don't find this person who you have envisioned getting married to and having sex with within the context of marriage, and her having to be a virgin as well - what then? Are you prepared to go your entire life never having sex, never being in a committed relationship because of these limitations you have put on yourself and a person you have not even met yet, a person and relationship that does not even exist yet?

 

Personally, I think you are hung up on the details and overlooking something really huge and important: the organic nature of relationships, the individuality of people and each relationship......having values and standards makes sense, but where is the room for nature and negotiating the real live relationship here? It's all set in stone and it hasn't even happened yet!

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I am having difficulty understanding your post. You're speaking of marriage but you don't have a girlfriend. Perhaps work on getting that in order first before even exercising the idea of marriage. If sex is your main objective then you don't need to get married for that. People are absolutely right when they tell you that if you get married for sex then you're very soon going to end up divorced. In order for a marriage to survive these days it has to be based on many dimensions not just sex. Most people do get married for many reasons, sex being a small one on the list of many, so if you're looking for love, commitment, monogamy, companionship, etc. then look for someone that will offer you more than just sex and your marriage is likely to survive. Further to that, something just sounds off with your post and I really can't put my finger on it.

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What are you asking, exactly?

 

You say in the beginning you want to get married for sex, but then later in your post you say you want to focus on love, commitment, monogamy, etc...

 

If you want a woman who's also a virgin maybe your first task should be finding one, then persuing a relationship with her.

 

 

^^^ yes i agree. am a bit confused by the OP as well.

 

it seems that the first priority would be for him to find a compatible woman, get to know her and develop a relationship with her, and then discuss marriage. if virginity is a must for you, so be it. though know that the number of 40 year old virginal women who also meet your spiritual, emotional and beauty standards might be 0 or very slim.

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i think that for you, pre-marital sex is important... I mean, how will you otherwise know if you're sexually compatible? And you've said you want the marriage to be partly about great sex... how do you know it's going to be great? Would you buy a car without test driving it first?

 

Also, how is talking about all of the sexual things you want to do to each other, pre-marital, much different than pre-marital sex? If the action is what you believe to be bad or in-pure, wouldn't the thoughts and talks of it fall into the same category? Sex is one of the most natural things two human beings can do together. I am just curious as why you feel this way and where these feelings are coming from. Maybe you can enlighten me?

 

Honestly, I am not sure how many virgin women there are left out there at this age. You might want to check link removed or some other kind of matching service.

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It appears to be a value of his not to have sex before marriage.

 

I'd say he values T&A, not "for better or worse."

 

The whole thing seems rather arbitrary to me. If you want sex, go get it. I'm sure there are plenty of 40-something single women who are clean who are looking for a monogamous sex partner but nothing else (hopefully far more who do want more than that). Why bring the complication of marriage into the picture unless you REALLY want to be with that person for who they are?

 

I don't understand people sometimes, I guess. Unnecessarily complicating what they want so they never get anything.

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Mail order bride - it's your only hope (with that critera) That's assuming you live in a country where women want to mail order bride to...

 

Don't laugh, my old neighbor did this. He was a moronic, decripit, slovenly, middle aged half-wit with a government job (who drank too much). His wife is younger, very attractive, intelligent and ambitious ex third worlder.

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^she'll likely divorce him as soon as her citizenship papers go through.

 

That's what I thought, but they've been together over 10 years now. She totally straightened him out and they are doing really well for themselves now. A couple of kids and 2 houses.

 

(He's still a 1/2 wit but he's a sober and more industrious one now)

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I'd say he values T&A, not "for better or worse."

 

The whole thing seems rather arbitrary to me. If you want sex, go get it. I'm sure there are plenty of 40-something single women who are clean who are looking for a monogamous sex partner but nothing else (hopefully far more who do want more than that). Why bring the complication of marriage into the picture unless you REALLY want to be with that person for who they are?

 

I don't understand people sometimes, I guess. Unnecessarily complicating what they want so they never get anything.

 

Trust me, I agree. I don't see the point in it, but since he's already 40

 

 

I agree with Annie, a religious service might be the best for finding someone.

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Mail order bride - it's your only hope (with that critera) That's assuming you live in a country where women want to mail order bride to...

 

Don't laugh, my old neighbor did this. He was a moronic, decripit, slovenly, middle aged half-wit with a government job (who drank too much). His wife is younger, very attractive, intelligent and ambitious ex third worlder.

 

I know a man who did this too. His wife is very beautiful, pretty accomplished (she makes and sells jewelry for a living), and so sociable. It's quite odd to see them together as he doesn't have the same qualities as her.

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I know a man who did this too. His wife is very beautiful, pretty accomplished (she makes and sells jewelry for a living), and so sociable. It's quite odd to see them together as he doesn't have the same qualities as her.

 

Absolutely, the one I know is a fantasic cook as well, as well as being friendly and socialable. They were often having parties and bbqs and all the neighbors were invited. She was the nicest and most hospitable person on the block!! I think she was just so darned happy to be here (North America)

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looking at friendsoulmate's other posts, I can't shake the feeling that someone is training their pet computer to be a humanlike troll...

 

I just had a look too...

 

Lol, Cucumbers.

 

And I was afraid to tell him to invest in a Realdoll because I didn't want to offend him. Perhaps that would be a more constructive use of his time.

 

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