Jump to content

Not sure what to do now . . .


confused25

Recommended Posts

There is something that has been bugging me for the past month or two . . .

 

I've been with my current bf for about 1.5 years, but we were only "officially" together since last September. Prior to that, we were dating each other exclusively but just without the bf/gf title.

 

We are both in our late 20's (turning 30 this year yay!) so naturally I've been thinking a lot about marriage/children lately. We've had conversations about our expectations with our relationship midway through and we both agreed that we are definitely not together just to "be together". We both have the mentality that we only get into relationships in the hope that it would develope into something more serious in the future.

 

I guess long story short . . . I've gotten kind of hmm, should I say, impatient with our relationship. I've had a lot of friends that are married or getting married/engaged and I just can't stop thinking about when it will be the time for me! My friends find it really strange that we haven't even said the L word to each other yet, and honestly, I am not even sure myself whether or not I love him. I'm starting to think that we really are with each other just for the companionship. Everything was great until the honeymoon phase is over. He is def less affectionate now compared to the beginning of our relationship and can sometime seem a bit distant. We've gotten into arguments a lot lately but we always made up in the end. When times are good, I can picture myself being with him in the future and having children with him . . . but when times are bad, I begin to doubt our relationship. I think my insecurity mostly stems from him being distant and cold towards me. Call me selfish, but I don't think I can afford to invest any more time into a relationship not knowing whether or not this is still going somewhere. I'm planning on talking to him about it again but I don't want to make it seem like it's an ultimatum. I guess I am just looking for advice on how to approach this situation and how to bring up the subject without it sounding like I'm rushing him into making a decision.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was in the exact same position! I was starting to feel stuck and frustrated partly because almost all of my friends are married and starting to have kids. Also we never said "love" to each other and my friends thought that was weird too.

 

But you have to remember that you're living YOUR life, not theirs. That's not to say that time isn't important. You have to figure out what time frame you're willing to give the relationship while you both figure out whether this can be a long term thing. I think you should start talking to him, but don't attach any expectations of outcomes on it. I think you should have a series of talks with him because otherwise it might feel like too much pressure for both of you. Give yourself a reasonable deadline (by reasonable, e.g., 3-6 months, not 1 week or 2 years, etc) of when you can wait until to assess the relationship. Until then, be patient, talk to him, and see how the relationship grows. If it progresses, great and you can keep extending that deadline! If not, then you have a time frame in mind and you're preparing yourself.

 

Good luck!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You're welcome!

 

Unfortunately in my case we did not work out. But please don't read much into that. Each case/relationship is different. In my case, we had too many issues we needed to overcome (distance, whether to have kids or not, lifestyle preferences, etc). We really tried to make it work and he was happy with the status quo but my biological clock has started to tick. In the last 3 years, most of my friends have gotten married and a few are pregnant/have kids so I definitely felt that pressure. But realistically speaking I also had to assess my own time frame. We were together for 1.5 years and we knew pretty early on about our kids preferences and after 1.5 years we weren't converging after genuinely trying on both sides, so...in the end all of our issues were too much to overcome.

 

But each case is different! It's important to know your own time frame and to have a series of talks and see if you can grow together and for the relationship to progress.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...