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Okay, so things were going well the last two weeks. I felt strong about the relationship being over. I knew I wasn't "over her." But I knew I did not want to be with her anymore.

 

The last two weeks have been super busy at work which I think helped keep my mind off of her.

 

So yesterday (mind you I have been serious sleep deprived and stressed the last two days due to work), I check her FB. I see that she is friends with some new guy. It irked me. No crying or anything. Just a sting. (This is why you stay off FB!!!!)

 

I guess I did it because 1) I kind of felt lonely. Having been stressed and everything the last two days, I did not have anyone to talk to really. To come home to someone, and just relax and get my mind off of work.

2) Yesterday both my mom and my best friend, asked if I had talked to her/how is she doing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just kind of pissed me off, I mean they both knew we broke up and how I have felt the last two weeks. But since her and I have broken up and gotten back together several times, it is like everyone is just expecting us to get back together again. But we aren't this time.

 

Also, I am just mad at myself for even thinking of her. It has really been like I have forgotten how incredible bad the last two months were with her. Like I already forgive her. I hate it. Just because you love someone, does not mean you should lose yourself.

 

Also, now I have been thinking of how low I really feel. Not depressed or anything like that, but just I don't feel confident in relationship/dating right now. She has made me feel like I have nothing to offer and I can't seem to grasp that there is actually something better out there for me. As much I try to get to this new stage, my self-worth holds me back.

 

I use to have so much confidence in everything, including dating. And to know feel like I have nothing to offer just sucks. I don't really know how to overcome this hurdle. How to get it back. It is like she is still here putting me down all the time. As I write this, I guess after being being told how terrible of a boyfriend you are in every facet of a relationship for two years, it is going to take some time to regain your self-worth.

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