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'only doing it to please him'


babii doll

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something about this line has always bothered me. i know people who say this 95% of the time say they only do 'it' because they love or care for the person. ive also heard guys say they do it just so the favor will be returned.

 

i was discussing this with a gf of mine who hates to give blowjobs, but her bf loves them so she kindof forces herself to do it because she loves him and knows he wants them. but i have to wonder if there is resentment on her part for having to do this? when she obviously doesnt care for it.

 

and i also wonder if her bf notices she doesnt care for it by her performance.

 

if you dont like it why do it?

 

just curious to see if anyone has had similar experience than me when it comes to this line.

 

something ive observed from personal experience is guys who were only doing it for my benefit, arent as into the act. ie. oral, anal etc.

 

it was also less frequently done, it wasnt as enjoyable either. it seemed like a task to some of them, even something done out of obligation. their overall attitude kindof ruined the experience, sometimes i wouldnt even bother asking them to because of that.

 

i usually had to hint at what i wanted. instead of it just being a natural part of foreplay.

 

now with people who genuinely enjoyed doing whatever sexual act. there was a HUGE difference. i never had to ask, it was quite frequent even, and you can tell they loved to do it, it even felt better.

 

i can understand when you love the person but does that mean doing certain sexual acts you hate for the sake of the relationship

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I doubt people do something they hate for their partner, it's more a matter of something they're not totally in the mood for, but they do it to be considerate and generous. I might not have the energy or desire to cook dinner for my family, but I'll do it anyway - it's not THAT bad/hard to do, and I like to make those I care about happy.

 

I have a feeling the majority of sex with my wife has been under these circumstances though The few times she has been really into it, it has been pretty hot.. but the majority of times there is always the feeling that something is lacking from her.

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i was discussing this with a gf of mine who hates to give blowjobs, but her bf loves them so she kindof forces herself to do it because she loves him and knows he wants them. but i have to wonder if there is resentment on her part for having to do this? when she obviously doesnt care for it.

 

 

I also don't enjoy giving blowjobs, but at the same time I enjoy pleasing my guy so it isn't as bad. I think it's the drive to satisfy the person you are in love with that keeps girls who hate blowjobs continuing to give them. I don't really see anything wrong with that. Sex is only one part of a relationship anyways.

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I doubt people do something they hate for their partner, it's more a matter of something they're not totally in the mood for.

 

my gf said the word 'hate' she doesnt like giving BJs so i doubt this is about her not being in the mood, she just doesnt like his member in her mouth.

 

ive also come accross men and women who told me they didnt like certain things, so i dont necessarily think every case is about being in the mood.

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I'm posting from work, so I know ALL about doing things I dont' want to do - as a means to an end. This could be an interesting thread....right on the heals of today's "featured advice" (thread of the day) about "was I raped or not". I just waded through most of that.

 

Personally I would not want a loved one to perform a sexual act that she did not like. I would hope that I would have the kind of relationship that we were open and honest about that kind of thing.

 

If a woman told me that she gives her b/f blowjobs because he likes them so much and yet she hates them then I would counter with "you are a rather dim woman and a manipulated and exploited woman at that"

 

Isn't sex supposed to be pleasurable to both parties? It's not a chore, it's not a favour, it's not a commodity (I give him sex, he gives me jewelry...or even worse, I do the dishes so she will blow me)

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This type of situation can be tricky when a partner really wants a particular thing, but can only get it from you. Must say, oral is not a bad example.

 

I make it a point to ask my partners what they enjoy the most and what they want me to do more frequently than other fun things. Most women I have been with have an answer when talking about things sexual. One girlfriend always liked her hair stroked. Another loved daily foot massages. You never know until you ask specifically. If they said something that I hated and could never see myself enjoying, then I say that from the beginning. I'd be willing to compromise and maybe do it every now and again if I could tolerate, but at least they would know my situation and where I come from. But if it is something that I just don't care for, but isn't that bad, I would be more than happy to accommodate purely for the happiness and satisfaction that it brings her.

 

Since it would have been my choice, I would definitely not develop resentment, anger, or hatred over it.

 

With basic sex acts, I can't help but see disliking them as a liability. I am sure I could love a partner that didn't enjoy sexual intercourse in most positions, but it sure would be limiting. There are so many different ways and methods to do most sex acts, oral especially, that it is tough for me to see how it would be physically intolerable. Good problem solving goes a long way to making both partners happy. If there is an emotional problem with it, you can often eliminate it with work.

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Performing sex acts you're not into but that your partner wants really isn't any different than other things in a relationship that you do just to be supportive of that person. Ever see men rather unhappily holding purses while their wives are scouring the sale racks?

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Performing sex acts you're not into but that your partner wants really isn't any different than other things in a relationship that you do just to be supportive of that person. Ever see men rather unhappily holding purses while their wives are scouring the sale racks?

 

i see where you were trying to go with this but there is a big difference with holding your wifes purse compared to giving her head when you really hate the act. you dont lose much from holding a purse, well maybe your dignity.

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