Jump to content

Is this a good/bad idea?


fiishh

Recommended Posts

Sorry for the length of this post, I'd just like to ask for advice on what you all think of this plan I have, but I have to give a bit of background, so here we go!

 

I got together with my girlfriend (now ex girlfriend) 2 months ago online, before we had met. We met last month and it was amazing, we got on so well but after I came back home I started to get awful jealous of her talking to anyone else, and it caused so many arguments, she put up with that for like 3 weeks and then, on Tuesday she had enough when I was like it again and she ended it. I know I deserve that, I made her feel so crap that she actually took up smoking again, she said I even made her feel like she wasn't herself anymore because of her worrying about making me jealous and because she felt like she was a cold not nice person. I do feel so awful about this, I really do and yeah I know how bad it sounds but I have managed to stop the jealousy thing, although now is too late as I said it to her loads of times before, that I would stop, but I never did and now it's came to this.

 

This was a wake up call for me, a wake up call to how irrational and horrid I was to her, but also it made me realise that I didn't show her enough affection. This is what sucks the most as I care about her deeply and I've always wanted to me more affectionate, but I wasn't in case it sounded lame.

 

Well, it all got a lot worse last night, as we were both in the chat room we met on (she had me on ignore and blocked on msn) and one of my friends said in the room that she "slept with me then dumped me", which I did not say to that friend, I told the friend what really happened but my ex thought I had been saying to people that she was the one in the wrong and making out that she was the bad one, so she messaged me to say she hates me and she now has me on permanant block from her life. That cut quite deep, as I expected it would, but also no matter what I said in the chat room the rest of the night her friends kept saying I was making it worse, I said she has nice eyes and I got accused of making things worse!

 

I know this is a bit of a long story but basically I have no way to contact her properly, her phone "isn't charging" and she said she's getting a new phone with a new number on Monday, which will mean I will not be able to phone her. Blocked on msn, on ignore in the chat room we both use. So basically I'm going to explain my "plan" below and I'm just asking what you all think of it?

 

I haven't contacted her since last night, I texted to say good night when she went to bed and I put kisses in the message for the first time ever. I'm not going to contact her today, however I was going to send her some nice flowers so she recieves them tomorrow, with a note saying I'm sorry and that I love her. I was still not going to contact her tomorrow, but I was thinking of sending her an email on Sunday explaining how I feel, and explaining that I know I was in the wrong and that I hadn't said otherwise to my friends.

 

Now here is the big part of the plan. I have train tickets to go down and see her for Tuesday, I booked them ages ago. She lives 510 miles from me so it is quite a journey but things are so different in person than they are through online chat and text messages. I was going to go down there and stay in a hotel, however I'm not quite sure how I would get in touch with her as she lives in a flat, so does that mean I won't be able to get in the front door and post a note through her flat door? That was what I was going to do, I could try ringing her home phone but she said she never answers it.

 

Anyway, really all I am asking is if you think I should go ahead with this, as I just want to see her and talk to her in person, and surely the fact that I'd go all the way down there to talk to her must mean something? I just want to talk to her even if we're only friends, I'd do anything to make it up to her, although I'm just not sure how to make her now I'm in her town and I'm there to talk if she wants?

 

Thanks for reading this essay! Thanks for any responses too

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Not really, I have the tickets already and we were supposed to be together then. Plus she already told me she loved me like a month ago. I'm crazy about her so it's not just an online thing, I wasn't going to pressure her to talk to me, just put a note through her door and say look, I'm here if you want to talk and if not it's fine and I'll go to my friend's house who lives near her. It's either that or I don't do anything, and wouldn't it be better to try and fail than not try at all and regret it for ages?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Come on man, don't be that dense. You purchased the tickets a month ago but you are broken up now. Showing up on someone's doorstep UNINVITED after they have broken up with you is creepy and stalkerish.

 

She told you she loved you after one month? Trust me, she does not love you. She doesn't know you well enough to love you that way. Besides, her love was not all that strong and true if she has already dumped you.

 

If you feel like you want to do something, send her a card as the flowers are a bit overboard. Apologize and leave it at that. If she wants you back, she will contact you. Trust me on this one.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ya, uh, if any of my ex-girlfriends pulled this on me, I would totally be creeped out.

 

You gotta leave her to her space......theres nothing much more that you can do. Bite the bullet on the loss of the money spent on the train tickets.

 

I will say when my ex and I split up (in the process of reconciling), I tried to contact her on several occasions even when she made it clear she did not want any contact. All my contact did was push her further and further away. We are now working things out (months later) and when we talked about the split, she acknowledged that my contact efforts annoyed her and pushed her away.

 

Also, I know that our same sex relationships tend to include u-hauls, but being in love after two months doesnt seem likely.

 

For now, let things settle for a bit and maybe send an email to apologize for things and maybe tell her your side of the story (the chat room bit).

 

Good luck

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I see really see your point, and as for the loving me part I do kind of wonder myself as it seemed a bit soon, and she also was with a cheating partner for 2 years but took that look to dump them, makes me wonder why she dumped me so quickly.

 

Even so, I'm still crazy about it and it's not like I was going to literally turn up on her doorstep, I have a friend I could stay with and I just wanted to make a detour to my ex's house in case it would make a difference. I know from experience of a pervious long distance relationship that things are so different in person, and she said to me last night (before she blocked me) that she didn't want to meet me then because she didn't want to be reminded of what could have been, which confused me a little.

 

I'm honestly not a creepy stalker type, but yeah the flowers would be a bit over the top, I shall just send an email instead, thanks for pointing that out

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I would see if you could get a credit for the tickets. I really think that if it is important to you to clarify, write her a physical letter and mail it to her. In the future, stay off IM's and text and chat - people misinterpret it.

 

If you had been together a year, I would say go there and talk, but after just a month or two, I would let it be. Changing her phone number is a definite sign.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

She isn't changing her phone number intentionally, it's due an upgrade although I did sort of think her phone number would stay the same. Yeah I know two months isn't long, but we did get to know each other pretty well, and (I know it's dumb to assume this) I think if I give her space now and if I let her cool down or whatever then maybe seeing her in person would at least give me closure. All I really want I guess is the knowledge that I have done everything in my power to try to get her back, and if it totally fails at least I tried, and at least she'd know that I was serious about her. I know it sounds dumb but she's a romantic and I suppose one of the things I done wrong was not showing affection, and I want to show her that I can and want to show it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

IBroken, got a question for you! After you broke up with your ex and you tried contacting her but saw it was pushing her away...did you go NC? How did you start reconciling, i mean did she contact you after a while?

 

BTW good luck on reconciling...hope it works out for you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Haha, yeah but I wasn't going to do anything bad! I get why it seems stalkerish but it was more going down there so she sees me in person as oppossed to text on a screen. I'm giving her space before though, I'm going to email her just before I go down there but I'm not contacting her at all for the moment, as hard as that is.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It was more like LC because we owned a house together.......so there were times were we wouldnt speak for days and then something would come up that would require contact.

 

I then started NC once the house matters were settled. Then I started to hear from her on a friendlier level. We kind have went into NIC (Non initiated contact) so my ex would constantly email and text and I would reply but never initiated chat.

 

Everything else kind of fell into place from there and over a bit of time (non of this was overnight).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...