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Ex wants to give me a present that she made for my BDAY (GIGS related)

jazzpur

By jazzpur
in Getting Back Together

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jazzpur Rookie

jazzpur

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brief story.... 3 year relationship, i just turned 27, she is 22

 

she gets a night to go out with all of her friends home from college to go out to a bar (i dont drink, so i usually dont go out with them). Happens every time they come home school , but this night...she had the "time of her life".

 

It also happens to be night she met up with the "new guy", an old friend from the past.

 

Two days later she almost broke up with me, but hesitated saying "i love you so much and i cant loose my best friend".

 

I didnt look too deep into that "almost breakup"...because just a couple months prior after i took her on vacation...she wrote me a touching love letter about how i was the greatest guy in the world, and how we were so connected in everyway.

 

She idolized me and pursued me for 3 years. But that week after she almost broke up with me....all she did was point out all of my faults...." controlling, selfish, pushing her too hard to be responsible, never chasing after her...etc."

 

She broke up with me...a week later. She wants to go out and be social, do the "21" thing she never really got to experience in full. Very emotional breakup for both of us but i wrote her a letter basically agreeing with her desision. We were at different stages in life. I stayed friends

 

But a week later i find out theres another guy involved. Total opposite of me.

So my heart drops... i didnt do any begging but i met up with her and had an emotional breakdown...becuase she seemed so unphased since shes already in her new honeymoon phase.

 

Classic case of the GIGS in my eyes....It literally came from nowhere....and now shes out partying like crazy...all the symptoms from Maydays GIGS post.

 

Ive been NC since i had the emotional breakdown in front of her (1month so far)...and shes since tried to email me twice about how much she misses me, and how this whole situation is making her crazy. I know shes having her doubts. But ive been ignoring all of her contact.

 

yesturday was my birthday and she sent me this text...."i made you something for your birthday, since youve been ignoring all of my attempts at communication i dont know if you want it....let me know"

 

i know it will hurt me to accept her gift

as far as i know shes still with her rebound guy....an since this to me seems a little more heart-felt than "breadcrumbs", i feel i should atleast reply.

 

i was thinking of the whole reverse psychology route....saying something along the lines of...

 

"i sincerely appreciate the thought and may eventually like to see it, but ive respected your decision to end our relationship. At this point, I think its best that we both move on and go our separate ways. I wish you the best"

 

any input from you guys would be appreciated.... i want to keep the door open for reconciliation somewhere down the road... just not right now, as NC has made me stronger and not want it right now.

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jazzpur Rookie

jazzpur

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I still havnt sent her that message yet.... she just sent me another text..."im sorry if that came off rude, Like i said i made you something for your birthday and i would be more than ecstatic to give it to you. Happy birthday nick! Love Katie

 

The silence is taking a toll on her i guess....

 

anyone else care to chime in about the reply i want to send her before i send it??? i plan on texting it early saturday morning so im on her mind when she wakes up...

 

thanks for all the help everybody

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jazzpur Rookie

jazzpur

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welp... i did it. last friday, i texted her exactly what i posted. it felt pretty good to send it, i felt strong. she hasnt replied but i didnt really expect her to.

 

 

the only doubt im having is that by actually saying we should "both move on"....she'll consider doing so...eventhough she was trying so hard to keep me there, maybe she'll just let go entirely.

 

then again, by saying "both move on" maybe itll level the playing field. and make her consider her decision even more.

 

nonetheless, im sticking to NC now... i made a strong exit...and i know by her reaching out and making a gift for me after ignoring all of her contact, she obvioulsy still has feelings.

 

any input is welcome, thank you guys for the help

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Loxxt Enthusiast

Loxxt

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the only doubt im having is that by actually saying we should "both move on"....she'll consider doing so...eventhough she was trying so hard to keep me there, maybe she'll just let go entirely.

 

then again, by saying "both move on" maybe itll level the playing field. and make her consider her decision even more.

 

There's never any guarantee of what they'll do but by saying that, she knows your intention (to move on). I told my ex "If that's (working on us. In the previous msg he said he was so sorry he gave up on us) not your intention then it's probably best for both of us if we leave things the way they are." and after his response I felt I had to write "I think the best thing for both of us is to let go. Good luck in your future endeavours." because I felt he didn't understand yet he still seems insistent and happy that I'm speaking to him.

 

Your ex seems to possibly have been hurt by the thought of you moving on and has accepted it. But mine seemed to shrug it off and continue talking to me. At least yours is facing the fact of what she's done and may very well have lost you forever if she chooses to walk away. But mine seems to think that he has me and can come back whenever he so chooses.

 

Everyone is different. But that's just how I interpret her actions.

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Loxxt Enthusiast

Loxxt

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Forgot to mention that I have the same fear that by telling them we should both move on that they in fact will... with someone else. That someone being the person they're currently with.

 

But think of it this way: if that's what they think and do, they are weak and so quick to give up on something they have said they value and miss, then maybe they aren't worth our time and love. Not saying they won't ever stop and think and grow and work for what they want one day. But honestly why would anyone choose between two things when they know they can have both.

 

If there is any chance of reconciliation I firmly believe you both have to let go and move on. Right now you and I are in similar situations where our exes are seeing someone else but holding onto us to some degree. We've both been clear in our need to let go and move on and they're still with other people. If they decide we are the ones they want, they will have to make that choice and make that first move. But by that time who knows where we will be and what we will want. But their decision to risk losing us was their choice so all we can do is accept that, and the problem is they often don't want to. Especially in my case, my ex makes me feel like he thinks he still "has" me and can come back whenever, even after I've told him twice that we have to let go.

 

I do think your messages to her were very straight forward and mature. I really hope things work out for you.

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jazzpur Rookie

jazzpur

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loxxt, thanks for the input..

she already has moved on, so i think its only fair i need to do the same...im afraid maybe im still over-analyzing every word.

 

I feel that although her choosing to be with somebody else she was strongly influenced by a change in lifestyle... her "21" phase she never got to experience. And being that i dont drink, i couldnt accompany her...i pushed her pretty hard to do well in school and focus less on playtime and i guess she decided she wasnt ready to grow up just yet. So she rebelled.

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confused2010 Apprentice

confused2010

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I understand where you are coming from. My fiancee, well, ex-fiancee now, is dong the same. He apparently misses the good ol' college days, out late partying. And so that is what he's doing now. And that is what the new girl is giving him. He's turning 30 in a few weeks, you think it's an early mid life crisis?! LOL!

 

He doesn't want to let me go. Lately though it's been more talk about how "you never know what is going to happen in the future,"... *sigh* At least you sound like you're doing a good job moving on. I wish I could be as strong as you. Keep it up!

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Loxxt Enthusiast

Loxxt

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He doesn't want to let me go. Lately though it's been more talk about how "you never know what is going to happen in the future,"...

 

Sounds kind of like my situation. It's so odd how similar people are. From what you said he obviously is trying to keep you on the side feeding you false hope. He is assuming you still want to be with him and is using that to his advantage. He's avoiding feeling like he could have made a mistake by making it seem that you are still there and he might one day come back. He has nothing to lose because he feels he has a choice.

 

Dumpees get so used and abused because we refuse to let go. Only when we do can we move on and the dumpers truly realize the extent of their actions.

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  • 4 weeks later...
jazzpur Rookie

jazzpur

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just an update...

 

 

its been just over one month since i sent that text reply to her. i never got a reply back but i wasnt betting on it.

 

when i was just ignoring all of her contact (fell off the face of the earth), she would sign on to her youtube and myspace everyother day to check on my pages as soon as her evening classes finished.

so i know she was thinking about me like crazy.

nobody else she knows is on youtube, and im the only one who still used myspace...so when she was signing onto her accounts i knew it was because of me.( she does all her socializing on facebook, which i quit a long time ago, the only reason she still had myspace was me)

 

anyway, i did however notice that once i sent that reply...she paid my myspace and youtube accounts one last visit, the next day. she hasnt signed onto either of those accounts in a month.

 

so it seems to me, i was in better shape just ignoring all of her contact without announcing NC. or maybe my reply just made her really mad or sad.

 

i almost think she was on the wire and she wanted me to fight harder to steal her back from the rebound (i know how badly that usually works out)....or maybe she thinks i just gave up

 

what do you guys think??

 

thanks

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Loxxt Enthusiast

Loxxt

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Honestly, people who leave their bf/gf then jump quickly are immature and unsure of themselves. If she does expect you to fight and you do but then she decides she's not sure how would you feel? It's very immature to expect a dumpee to lower themselves and fight for the dumper who's in a relationship. She'd have very little respect for you and consider you available to her whenever. By keeping NC now if, worst case scenario, that's how she's thinking it'll either wake her up and realize what's really happening or she'll stay that immature self holding off for someone to fight for her and save her. That's not what a relaionship should be about. I hope for your sake she doesn't becom bitter and mad. If she does I'd consider it a sign to move on because she's doesn't have a clue.

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