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How Do I Fix This?


ImSorry

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I met this girl online and things started out great at first. I just started at a college and i'm very isolated and would like to keep the friendship healthy and fun. She thinks i'm fun to talk to and enjoys talking to me but I have a problem. I apologize for everything ALL THE TIME. I truly am sorry every time I do it and it's usually for small things such as: Waking her up at night with a call, Sending her too many emails, talking about my problems too much. It's at the point now where i've done it so many times it's embarrasing and she probably thinks i'm insecure and a push over. Keep in mind i've also apologized for apologizing too much...Haha I know right? Anyway...I know she's sick of it but at the same time I want to show her i'm not a push over and would still like to sound sincere and fun. Things are already a little strange and I feel like such a * * * * * .

 

I realize reading over this you are like...."What a loser." I had tons of friends back home and have girlfriends constantly but this girl is a great friend and I plan on meeting her in the future. Keep in mind I have no desire to date her or anything....would just like to be a good friend. I just feel like she will never take me seriously again...i've done it so many times i'll never sound sincere again. If anyone would please chat with me about this instead of on here i'd very much appreciate it, I can send you my email and we can chat.

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If you don't want a relationship... why are you putting so much thought and effort into a friendship? Friendships are easy; relationships are hard (relatively speaking).

 

I think the first thing you need to decide is whether you want friends or something more - because if you say "friends friends friends!" now (just to get her to talk to you - in case you scared her away) and then later on you want something more that will really complicate things and stress you out... be forward about your feelings from the get go.

 

Yes, your constant apologizing (something I used to do and do sometimes) can be seen as insecure. However, that is KEY to knowing you are invested in this relationship for way more than friendship - I wouldn't call up a friend in the middle of night (unless its an emergency) or text them at all times of night.

 

Give her some space. Just don't talk/think about her for a little while or at least don't let her think you are with constant communication (harder said than done i know). Then casually start ramping up the conversation again. However, before you do that - make the decision I outlined above.

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This may help you, this may not - but I recently went to a lecture in which the speaker said that the 2 words "I'm sorry" are the cheapest words in the English language because it gives the person saying "I'm sorry" power. think about it, what is the other person supposed to say? Naturally, one would say "it's ok" thus giving the other person the power.

 

Instead of saying "I'm sorry", you should say "will you forgive me?". Now that statement means a lot more than "I'm sorry" so if you switch, you may not be quite so pressed to use it so often. I shared this with my boyfriend and we made that little change and honestly it kinda feels better.

 

Anyways give it a try and at least try not to apologize so much and be confident in yourself.

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