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Does she just want to be friends again or more?


Tears May Fall

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SO my ex started opening up contact with me again about 4-5 months ago, after not speaking for almost a year and half. In these 4-5 months we've hung out here n there, but its been purely platonic. We talk and have a good time, enjoy each others company but thats it. And its also very sporadic. We'll talk for a few days or a week and then go a while without speaking. She'll flake on me at times and make "excuses" not to hang out if I tell her I wanna see her. But then this week I was sick, and she came over to check up on me, got me some meds, etc and then tonight gave me a ride home from work in the snow. So saw her twice in one week which hasnt happened before.

 

I know shes kinda dating someone right now, but she keeps telling me its not gonna work. She says hes not ready for what she wants. Yet her situation is kinda complicated and confusing. She wants to have children. The reason being is due to past OB/GYN issues and surgery, she'll have to her all her children by 35, and shes nearing 28 now, so she wants to have her first soon within the next year or two.

 

She tells me she wouldnt mind finding someone (a friend) who would give her a baby. I asked her why she would choose that route. And her response was quite interesting, she said "i dont feel like theres really anyone out there that I can be compatible in a relationship with but I still want children."

 

I asked her some questions about what she would want and we were able to agree on alotta things mainly because we know each other VERY well. I probably know her better than any person other than her mother or immediate family. Im not sure though that she knows how well i know her.

But she never mentions ANYTHING about having any feelings for me whatsoever. She'll only say things like "its nice seeing you and talking with you again." Well lackluster emotionless responses, no eye contact, and always sounds frustated with things in life.

 

The bottom line is, I still care for and love this girl more than anything I can ever imagine. I was over her but talking to her again and being friends has made the feelings come back and theyre stronger than ever because now Im finally ready to actually have a serious relationship, settle down.

 

I know im leaving out alot of details but ill fill them in as people ask.

 

My question I cant figure out is if shes still romantically interested in me even the slightest bit somewhere deep down inside or is this just a friendship to her?

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I would be extremely careful here if I were you. It seems to me her prime motivation is having children and it doesn't really matter who the father is. Even if she were to have a relationship with you she could very easily cast you aside once she has the children you want.

 

You should want to be with someone who loves you for your own sake not because you can father children with her - whether she is in a relationship with you or not.

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The break up wasnt over any big incident or anything. Just our differences were taking a toll on us. Those differences were mainly because of the stages of our lives we were in at the time. She wanted to settle down and I wasnt ready for that yet, even though I knew I wanted to marry her but just not yet. She has a hard time letting things just carry their course, everything must be all planned and sought out. Frustating.

 

And yes, the her wanting children part scares me, its scaring her parents also but they cant exactly stop her even though theyve trying talking to her. She seems a bit like a mad woman at times. It is indeed scary.

 

Why cant I move on from this girl? No girl I meet do I want to be in a relationship with, maybe a fling or something, but in the past 4 years this is the only girl that I didnt have to question myself into saying I would want to spend the rest of my life with this girl.

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Not sure what her intentions are, but I wouldn't read too much into it. She doesn't seem like she wants a relationship judging by what you say she has said? I could be wrong, but it all seems vague and casual. Nothing emotional so, give it some time she might reveal more in the coming days...

 

Good luck

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The bottom line is, I still care for and love this girl more than anything I can ever imagine. I was over her but talking to her again and being friends has made the feelings come back and theyre stronger than ever because now Im finally ready to actually have a serious relationship, settle down.

 

Stop being an idiot.

 

She tells me she wouldnt mind finding someone (a friend) who would give her a baby. I asked her why she would choose that route. And her response was quite interesting, she said "i dont feel like theres really anyone out there that I can be compatible in a relationship with but I still want children."

I'm sorry to be harsh, but your whole post reads sucker. She's toying with the possibility of using you as a child-support paying baby making machine while she's with another guy and your thinking about a serious relationship with her. She's not looking at you as a husband. She'd actually want to LOVE her husband. This is all ridiculously and obviously disrespectful to you it's ridiculous. Why don't you love yourself enough to want to be with someone who actually wants you as the father of her kids AND husband? Why do you love her? It sounds like you haven't really had other options ... and cause you kinda like crazy. Work that out with a dating coach or a shrink ... not with her.

 

Don't go back to her place where 'one thing (can) lead to another.' Don't come upstairs for a night cap. Don't even take a drink from her when you don't know its 'ingredients.' With someone acting a little nutty like this, you may wake up drunk and naked with your leg sprawled over the side of her bathtub mysteriously missing some baby-making soldiers. Remember how you were over her when you stopped seeing her and talking to her? Yeah. You need to cut her off now.

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