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Is his love real???


xixi9019

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My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year now. We are both in our 20s and I am his first serious relationship.

 

At first, when he was pursuing me, everything was perfect and he was sweet and such a gentleman. (I didn't want to be in a relationship at the time, so i put up a pretty good chase for him.) But as time went on, we fell in love (or so he says), and then the fights started.

 

He is very stubborn, thick-headed, inexperienced, so when we fight, he hardly ever admits his faults. He is also much better at articulating his arguments, so I hardly ever win a fight because I let my emotions carry away to the point where I can't reasonably argue my position. But after always caving in during fights, even though you know you had your reasons for being angry, I start to build up sense of resentment toward him, and this causes even more hostility in our relationship.

 

He is also insensitive, also due to his lack of experience, so it leaves me feeling emotionally disconnected alot of times. He usually brushes it off and tells me that I am too emotional or I think into things too much (which could be true one week every month).

 

Lately, the fights have gotten worse. He is really immature when it comes to arguments, such as using unappropriate language "i don't wanna talk to you anymore", "get the f*** out of here", "stfu", "you're stupid", "stop being a * * * * * ", "F*** you". also whenever we fight, he always walks away from the argument, and me being also hot-headed and stubborn, cannot stand walking away from a fight, so i pursue the problem. Sometimes he will avoid my calls and texts. He says he just needs a little time to cool off, but when I do try that approach, he just sits at home and do nothing about it for days. And then I'm usually the one who can't stand the silence and go over his place to talk about things (not apologize specifically). I guess because I am the one initiating conversation, he will give me the cold shoulder until I apologize, even though it's not my fault half the time. His "time to cool off" seems to reinforce his egotistical attitude and not to make him think about the conflicts empirically.

 

I am tired of always being the bigger person, and chasing after him even though it is not my fault most of the time.

 

should I also add that I have a car and he doesn't, so he asks me for favors all the time and depend on me on many other things (cooking for example). So I feel as if he's using me, and not really meaning his so called "love". Because I really love him, so i can put my pride down to be the bigger person, if he doesn't, does that mean he doesn't love me?

 

 

Please help me!

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There's a point where you have to stop making excuses like "he's inexperienced" for him and face up to the fact that whatever the reason he carries on like that is, YOU shouldn't have to deal with that and as it stands now, i'm sorry love, but it sounds like a dysfunctional relationship. My last boyfriend argued like yours, and now matter how patient i was it just kept getting worse and worse. How are you going to show him that his behavior is unacceptable if you just keep letting him getting away with it? If you have to ask whether he loves you, maybe your intuition is telling you something's not right. I'd advise you to drop him, you deserve better than that.

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I agree that you deserve better...but maybe the way he has been acting is not reflective of who he is...and the the person you love. Fighting isn't necessarily a bad thing (except I would argue in the case of my parents!).

 

Do you love him? I honestly have never been in love so I don't what it feels like, but I have heard from older relatives that when you love someone you just know it. If you have this feeling and you really love him and he loves you than I am sure that you guys will get this this and will be stronger for it.

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I agree with Just 14, he knows you will come after him after a fight so he feels he doesn't need to make an effort. Also, probably due to his lack of experience, he has no idea how to rationally resolve conflicts so that is why he acts the way he does. Not saying it excuses him from calling you inappropriate names because this is just uncalled for. I would just lay low next time you have a fight and let him come through. You may have to wait it out a while but it will show that you will not cave in every time to accommodate him.

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