Bad Idea??

[em_ski]

My ex and I have been NC for a while now and the last I saw of him he mentioned in passing that he's seeing someone. I left it at that and have put away all hopes of reconciliation.

 

So, my sister works at the same company as my ex and today I had her take a bag of his things that he left at my house. Whether she should have told me or not, she described his reaction to receiving the bag... which was along the lines of sorely offended and hurt. I don't hate him and don't want him to think I am trying to make a point that he has been cut out of my life... would it be a bad idea to send him this:

 

"I don't want you to think that giving you your stuff back is me trying to send you a message of any kind. I just have been meaning to send that stuff (still have your beer mugs which I'll get to you soon as well). Please don't read into that in any way other than I want you to have your things. The last thing I am trying to do is hurt you in any way - really, I'm just trying to do the best I can, the best way I know how. It's not easy... hope you can understand that.

 

But keep on keeping on, right?

 

Hope you are well and had a nice visit back home"

 

I just hate to think of his last memories of me being spiteful or mean. Any advice?

[Nappyloxs]

If you want to send him that going ahead. Shot, I sent my ex hundreds of emails before.

 

But in all honest, his last memories of you are not going to be that you gave him his stuff back. They will be something about the relationship.

 

Here is one of the problems with Healing: you always want to tell your ex. to tell him something. You'll get to the point where contacting him won't even be an issue and you will have no desire to contact him, even if you are thinking of him.

[DylanNotorious]

No giving his items back is not mean or spiteful. It was the right thing to do. Sending that message won't help, he it just re-inforces how hung up on him you still are. You want to show him you are trying to move on, and you have done that by returning his stuff.

 

He will understand why you did give him his stuff back.

[catfeeder]

No, I wouldn't send it. I don't think it sends the message you'd intend; it almost sounds as though you're not done managing him.

 

I'd let him work out his own reactions, and I wouldn't make assumptions about what those are.

 

In your corner.

[kvb10]

I do not think you should write him at all. Giving your ex's stuff back is just "what you do"... everyone does it. It's nothing that he should be able to read into except that "it's over" which is true and you have nothing to explain.

 

Stick with NC.

[em_ski]

Thanks for the replies. It's amazing how the silly things like this can get your mind spinning again. Out of sight and out of mind is pretty much imperative for me! I am not going to send it and just leave it at that, but I can't believe how much toying with the idea has got me thinking about him again. It's terrible!

 

If this entertaining thoughts of him but not actually having an exchange of words with him could get my mind going, well then I worry, quite a bit, that I will run into him out on a Friday and Saturday night and how that might effect me. If I am going to move on I need to be out enjoying myself. It's hard to do when I am worried I'll see him and find myself set back again and again. Boo!

[catfeeder]

[...] If I am going to move on I need to be out enjoying myself. It's hard to do when I am worried I'll see him and find myself set back again and again. Boo!

 

Hah! Yeah, but ripping yourself up without his help only sets you back anyway. I'd take the risk and just prepare for sudden amnesia if you run into him: "Hello, Em," ..."Hi---I know you, right?"

 

You can do this.

[em_ski]

"Hello, Em," ..."Hi---I know you, right?"

 

Ohh I should do that!! lol. "After the love is gone..." The way I've actually been managing the situation is just making sure I don't drink a lot, that way when I do bump into him (it's happened 2 times) I am not an emotional mess. One time I had drank too much and ohh boy that was not fun.

 

Thanks the reality check catfeeder! Forging ahead! \\