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Accepting that its over


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Can anyone tell me the point/experience/realization in which they accepted that the breakup was REAL and there was not going to be a reconciliation and that it was pointless to keep hoping?

 

I think Im on my way there, but I want to hear about your experiences.

 

how long were you together and how long did it take you to reach this point?

 

Thanks!

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About 6-8 weeks in if I remember correctly. About the time he texted and said whether he should tell his current gf the reason we broke up. It was at that point that I realized that I didn't have to put up with a selfish, insensitive jerk. That I deserved so much better.

 

The sooner the acceptance stage, the better and quicker we move on, I believe. I think the ideal acceptance stage should be from the word go. But then again, we're only human. And all the hope, confusion, panic attacks are holding us back.

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The most recent breakup? I wouldn't calling it accepting it, but just not caring anymore.

 

The previous breakup in August? I think I started to accept it in November, so about 10-12 weeks.

 

To fully accept it? IDK. Sometimes I think she will come back, once she grows up.

But it has taken me approximate 6 months and a two month recon to be able to say to myself "I don't care if she comes back or not" and actually mean it.

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when someone sent me the picture of his pregnant mistress.

 

once i accepted it was over, the healing picked up speed very quickly. we were together 3 years, i sat around pouting and hoping for reconciliation (what was i thinking?) for 2 long painful years. all that time wasted. don't let it be you!

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Pfft, yeah, i think i am sick of the idiotic girl i went out with. For such a short experience, it is going to take me a while to get over. Just today she texted me to have a go at me for having a go at her! Ahh, what was it? Vile language, she is a positive person and i am dragging her down. She asked "don't you get it?" and reckons apparently there's nothing i could say that would rectify the situation. This, coming from somebody with no voicemail and could not even CALL me to break it off! Honestly.

 

So, yeah, i have the anger to deal with now, but i am starting to see things clearer.

 

We started dating in late Nov 09 and officially ended it in late January, so it has been almost a month. It is only now that i am accepting that it is over... I cannot be bothered with her confusing talk anymore. "i loved you", "i don't want you", "i feel silly for saying this, but i still want you"... WHATEVER! And, the "blame", constant blame. I was nasty, i was this, i was that. She is just hanging on to fragments because she really can't blame me for anything else. I was the perfect girlfriend, apart from occassionally standing up for myself and arguing with reason.

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i dont know if i have truly ever gotten over my first love. we were together for 5.5 years, high school sweethearts, and have been broken up for 4 years now. i have a lot of regrets for the way i treated that girl, and thats why i dont know if i am truly over all of it.

i screwed up my life, and she left me. i will always love that girl.

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i sat around pouting and hoping for reconciliation (what was i thinking?) for 2 long painful years. all that time wasted.

 

Ouch! It's almost better off for you to know as soon as possible, it's like ripping a band aid off.

 

For me, i had to go to the end of the earth to find out. I hounded and hounded until i had my answers.

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This past Sunday actually. For some reason, i realized there was no way we could be friends, let alone be together, unless both of us spent a lot of time away from each other and worked on ourselves. It was just like something clicked that there wasn't any hope holding on and that i need to just move on.

 

 

 

That's the thread where i talked about it.

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Too gradual for me to know for sure. I've always allowed myself some hardcore grief--the time varies. Then I'll get angry and invent a way to trick myself with transformation goals for when I'll want to run into him at some future time, like in a year. Then I'll throw myself into the gym, my course work, my job, my social life, my hobbies with the idea that I'll be a whole new person by the time I see him again--and I'll be in great shape, I'll have finished grad school, I'll have a great career, I'll have a new lover.

 

As I put my focus on such a far-away goal, I'm able to pursue my life with gusto instead of pining away and wasting myself. Over time, I'll lose sight of the goal and find that I'm doing all of this stuff for me again.

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When I found out what he has been doing since the breakup. 6 years together, engaged and everything. He has been doing nothing but partying w/ skanks. Being a selfish jerk, just what he wanted. I do miss him but I dont want a loser like that back. It does still get to me and I still love him but thats when i stopped hoping for reconciliation.

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It was a few days ago for me when i found out that her new partner. who she is engaged to.(we are married!!!) has gone for for the "snip"...she asked me early in our marrage if i would get it done as if she got pregnent, due to her health problems. it could kill her!

 

thought she is sterlised! there is a freak chance she could!!! we both didnt like using condoms!! they wouldnt do it as i had no kids and was considered young..38.. and she was sterilised!!! he has kids from a previous relationship!!

 

thinking now....THANK GOD IT DIDNT HAPPEN!!!!!!

 

i do take some little comfort knowing that she's not getting any for a little while..

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