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My Bullumic wife....

Johnny Boy

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Hello everyone,


Being given the chance to talk about my problems is a hge help to me.


I am 43 , loving and attentive towards my wife additionaly I am educated, relatively successful with a family property orientated business that I manage; in addittion I have my own business/investments in the same sector but with partners - which I view as a very attractive pension.


My wife is 27 and we have been married for 5 years ie she was 22 and I was 38. We met and fell in love very qucikly, friends tell me I am very intelligent and charismatic and a good catch. I am over weight but have a huge personality and have a number of ladies who always tell me how 'lovely' and special I am.


When I married my wife told me she had problems with food - only after marrying did I discover the full extent of her problems. My late father was an alcoholic, albeit very high acheiving, but an alcoholic none the same - so I understand addiction and associated problems etc. My fathers addiction has cast a huge shadow over my life. My wife was abused in her early tennage years, and this has led to her bullimia - ultimatley the abuse was a contributing factor to her parents marriage breakdown.


I love this woman dearly and not least find her vulnerability the most attractive feature - she is beautiful, and cindy crawford look a like.


I provide for her, bought her a new premium car, shoes, handbags, cosemtic surgery. I have been an open chequebook for her, trying to give her something she never thought she would have.


Our sex life have been non existence since 2007 and my frustrations and now at there limit. I love this woman dearly and am desperate to fix things.....


I believe she may have been unfaithful to me, though am not entirely sure. We have had arguments over this element in our relationshio and have said compsassion/forgiveness is the core of all humanity - I offered my forgivenes? she has continued to deny this.


She appears to say one thing to my face and another to friends - we split up in October 2009 for 3 weeks and she came back, telling me she loved and missed me..... albeit now things could be turning for the worse again.


Her father lives in north america and her mother in mainland europe, she is talking about runnig away to her fathers.


What the hell do I do, she is so beautiful being a former model and equally as fragile as she is beautiful.


I am trying for her to see sense and remain with me to address her eating disorder so that we can try and start a family.


She is not a bad person ..... she just needs love and understanding.


She has told me to lose weight in order to start a family, however with my own issues directly linked into my fathers addictions, compounded by her bullimia.... I am in a vicous circle....



The mood swings and madness created out of this eating disorder is unimaginable unless you have first hand experience......



I need some advice ..... I don' want to cut and run.... as it will be just another let down for her in her life..........


What should I do?


Jonathan ..... x

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My opinion, judging by your post now is that you need to leave!


1. You think she cheated, and judging by her "good looks" and difference in your age, lack of sexuality between you guys she probably has.


2. You have given her things money can buy and stated that you're an open cheque book, she obviously takes advantage of this. Let me put it bluntly, 22 years old's hardly ever marry a 38 yr old for love. It's usually for what the man can provide financially. You guys might be the exception, but from what it seems I doubt it.


3. She left already once and came back. Maybe she missed the money?


You say she needs love and understanding, how about you talk to her openly about her issues, ask her to see a therapist and seek help for her problems. Tell her that you will no longer buy her premium stuff and put her on a allowance ( unless she works, but I think she probably doesn't). By allowance I mean a simple humble amount not to the point where she can buy luxury goods. See if she will stick around then.


As for your weight, stop making excuses. If you think you have an issue start dealing with it, you have money obviously get yourself on a good eating plan, join a gym and get fiy. You are still young, and if this lady does love you, decides to make it work, you can have a good life.


My post might be blunt, nut I assure you I only mean it in a positive way. You can't always give give give, and get nothing in return.

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I agree with petite. Your wife's abuse aligns with her choice to marry an older man. While her issues may have been the thing to drive her toward you, it doesn't sound as though catering to her like a parent spoiling a child has built you a substantial enough foundation to sustain your marriage.


Wife has likely found no creative outlet or productive means of developing private talents. She may have believed that motherhood could have served this purpose, but if you're holding up her bulimia as a reason to avoid addressing your own weight problem--and your weight problem is denying her the potential satisfaction of motherhood, then her beauty and your earnings are not relevant to saving your marriage.


Focus on the problems, not the decorations.

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