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Hello,

 

Newbie here. I was reffered to this website from a friend who used to be a regulare here. He said many good things about all of you that are members and said how much you have helped him get through is ordeal. So I send a thank you to you all on his behalf.

 

Ok now to my problem at hand. Here is my situation, I met a girl in my nursing program which lasts 2yrs and will be with this girl for the next 4 semesters minus breaks. Well the first month we really hit it off and were extremely attracted to eachother. When you get to know a person you start to see and notice what makes them work and what to do and not to do. Well this girl is a single mother of 3 kids who from what I can tell has a very very very short attention span. She herself has said she has Adult ADD even though she has not medically diagnosed by any medical professional.

 

Well after about a month it seems as if I'm the one chasing after her, she never meets me half way on anything. When a relationship begins don't most couples WANT to spend time together as much as they can? Well it seems that I'm the one always suggesting her to come over my house after class or to sit with me after class and have a conversation. Any free time she has she never mentions anything about wanting to spend time with me? She is very sensitive so I have to watch what I say at times and it seems she has a lot on her plate right now (School, kids, getting divorce).

 

Do you think this situation is best left alone and maybe just be friends, considering the fact that I have to spend the next 2yrs with this girl in class and at the hospital. She is VERY attractive, has a good sense of humor but to have her full attention is like trying to tame a wild bull and ride it...It get's frustrating because I do all I can to please this girl, I write her little notes through out our time at the hospital to let her know Im thinking of her, wrote her a poem which she never acknowledged until the end of the day. I know she has a lot on her mind and maybe she doesnt have enough time for me!

 

I try and think and clear my thoughts up and decide what is best to do but it's hard when you try and think rational about a situatin such as this without letting your feelings and emotions get in the way. A part of me wants to let it go and just be her friend but another part of me wants to pursue her and see where it goes but then again I see myself getting continuously frustrated with the lack of attention from her...

 

So I hope you all can give me some advice on what you would do, if you have questions please respond back, I will be online. I want to make sure that I don't come to a decision on feelings of frustration because of unmet emotional relationship needs...I want to decide what to do that will best suit me and my feelings and my heart...

 

Thank you

 

Rn_forlife

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Think about it this way. If it's already complicated now and it's just the beginning, think about how it would be down the road. This woman sounds like she has way too much her on her plate to even be thinking about getting into any type of relationship and in the end, it may just bring you down. So my advice, stop now and perhaps later in the future, if it's meant to be, try working on it with her. A relationship is a two way street and can't be held together by just one person. You deserve to be an equal and receive the same type of treatment that you give to her. Walk away buddy or if your capable of it, just be her friend.

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And to add - She may be interested in you but she has school, THREE kids and is going through a divorce. She does "not" have time for you nor will she be able to give you what you need because she has 3 other people that come before you and need all her attention, every day for many years to come. She needs time to heal from her divorce and probably put her life back together. This would be like throwing yourself in front of a moving train.

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Thank you isilv3r,

 

That was some great advice and made things much clearer for me. You know it's hard to let go of what could be but then again what could be my not ever happen considering her priorities and her life....

 

I know right now I'm better suited to be her friend than anything, especially now because it seems that any little thing upsets her, or gets her mad. I'm going to talk to her tonight and get things out in the open, I just hope that in the end I can clear up this fog and make life much clearer for me because right now my heart aches because I so want to continue with this girl but I know that reality is that she can't give me what I give her right now and thats love and attention....

 

I will post later how the talk went, she will be home in an hour or so and is going to call me so we can talk....Wish me luck!!!!

 

Thanks again!

 

Rn_forlife

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Thanks catfeeder and isilv3r,

 

You're advice is much apprecaited. Well we just had a lengthy talk and boy was it a heated one. What I basically told her was that I was going to take a step back from the relationship because at this time it seems that we both have a lot to deal with. I told her that I felt as if I was a distraction to her because of all that she had going on in her life. I told her that maybe right now it wasn't a good time to pursue something serious between us until things leveled out. I told her that maybe down the road when things were more clearer for her and not so difficult then maybe we can try again when she could focus on us.

 

Well her response was that I was trying to change her and that she was happy and that I insinuated that her life was a mess. She said to delete her number and her pictures, she went on to say that I'm like the rest of the guys and should have listened when they (whoever they are) to not believe it if it's to good to be true....

 

She also said she doesnt want to be my friend and doesnt need my help.... Basically she's mad and upset and feels that I walked away and left her with a full plate.... I feel bad and not sure if I made a mistake but then on the other hand I didn't know what else to do!!!!...should I be expected to wait arround for when she has time for me, to give me the love and affection i deserve?????....Any opinions or comments is much appreciated!!!

 

 

Rn_forlife

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You did the right thing, and her explosion only confirms this. Someone in the middle of a divorce is not someone who's emotionally ready to date. She's lumping all her wounds into one big mess, and you can see what happens when you touch that thing. That's not about you, it's about your timing in her life, and you can't 'help' her do the work she needs to do solo.

 

Allow her to cool off, and just be kind whenever you work together in class. I wouldn't rehash this with her under any circumstance--she's not going to be rational for a very long time, you'll just rip the whole thing open again, and you'll take the brunt of all her hurts again. It's not yours to mess with, and it's not helpful to her, either.

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