falling hard...time to get out I think.

[Julie04]

I am going crazy! I have been dating this guy for 2 months and I am starting to fall for him..HARD...last night we slept together again and It occurred to me that i don't really know what his intentions are with me so I asked him and it ended up being this whole 40 minute conversation that made me just feel like I am paranoid and not ready for a relationship I know I need to be patient but I really do not know how to be. My gut instinct is telling me to get out now before I fall even HARDER for him. Has anyone gone through this before? I really really like him and I don't think I can keep going with him if he can't open up to me...

 

I don't know how to just go cold turkey either? I guess I will just stop responding to his texts and stuff? I am just terrified of getting hurt or not hearing him communicate to me for another few months..I am clearly not that patient...I need reassurance, I need him to tell me how he feels about me..ugh does this make me needy????

[orchidrose]

Whoa whoa whoa. What were the contents of this conversation? I'm presuming that he either a) came on very strong about wanting to be in a relationship, or b) made it very clear he did not want one. You don't say here.

 

Either way, it's rude and unfair for you to just stop responding to his messages or calls. If you've truly decided that you're not ready for a relationship, you need to have a conversation with him (in person!) and tell him that while you think he's a great guy and you care about him greatly, you simply can't handle the emotional needs of a relationship right now. Don't just leave him wondering what happened.

[Julie04]

no...very much the opposite!!!! I am falling for him hard and think i could deinfitly be in a relationship with him! He just hasnt opened up yet, but he says if he didnt like me he wouldnt hang out with me all the time etc etc etc....I guess I am different..I just need to have that verbal communication that a guy likes me...i know actions speak louder than words...but geez this is so hard. I just dont wanna end up being used or being that girl that is just a frineds with benefits....i have been hurt in the past...the past always screws things up! and that stupid book "hes just not that into you" has really screwed me up!!!!!

[orchidrose]

no...very much the opposite!!!! I am falling for him hard and think i could deinfitly be in a relationship with him! He just hasnt opened up yet, but he says if he didnt like me he wouldnt hang out with me all the time etc etc etc....I guess I am different..I just need to have that verbal communication that a guy likes me...i know actions speak louder than words...but geez this is so hard. I just dont wanna end up being used or being that girl that is just a frineds with benefits....i have been hurt in the past...the past always screws things up! and that stupid book "hes just not that into you" has really screwed me up!!!!!

 

Okay, calm down. Some guys are tougher nuts to crack than others. In fact, he might have a harder time opening up with you because he's been hurt by women in the past. Or that could just be his personality. Or he may never open up. These are all possibilities that you have to consider. Some men are just never going to fawn all over you and tell you how great you are.

 

If you can't handle being with someone who isn't constantly singing your praises, then it is likely best to end things now before you continue to be frustrated and ultimately end the relationship anyway.

 

That's one issue. In terms of being FWB or being used, has this man given you any indication that he would do such a thing? I'm still unclear as to whether or not he said he wanted a relationship with you.

[drewciouS281]

yeah, what did he say in his conversation that freaked you out. You need to chillax little lady cause your givin me the spins!!! what did he say? was it bad or good? If it was good and your thinking of bailing cause your soo scared, your a coward and could be giving up on something wonderful! I do understand where your coming from but dont do it. I almost did the samething once because it seemed to good to be true. When i first met my girlfriend, we had clicked so unbelievably that each time we met she kept asking me if i was for real cause i was the perfect male in her eyes. We both fell hard for one another in just under a month. I was terrified cause it seemed too perfect but she assured me that we will both take the first steps together. Now here we are a year and 2 months. yes we have had our hard times but at this point i still love this woman even more!!!! my point of this is, you could be giving up on something wonderful and amazing! depending on his content of course. More details of what he said please....

[Julie04]

no he hasn't given me any indication that he is using me or anyhting at all...he has never said he wanted a relationship with me but he said he likes how things are progressing and he is slow moving...i guess i just need more..it is very frustrating! he was cheated on..twice...so i know he is guarding his heart, I jsut want him do exactly as you said...sing my praises...i guess thats totally needy, which sucks! I think I might have to get out now before I fall even harder.

[Julie04]

I told him i didn't want to be used and he called me paranoid and he pretty much felt really insulted...I am an idiot. BUT when you sleep with someone and you dont know what there are intentions are with you it gets tricky...i am not a FWB kinda girl, I am looking for soemthing good and real and I definitly see that in him, but I am scared to tell him and He hasn't said anyhting to me..i guess obviously he likes me I just need more open communication from him. patience patience patience....OR I move on because I am too scared he will NEVER open up.

[FrenchFries]

He likes to take it slow but the two of you are having sex? You might want to find out where he stands for sure before continuing the with all the sex! THINK about it...sex with no strings attached. No committment.

[Julie04]

Yeah this is recent..we waited almost 2 months...which is a long time I think..we are both in our upper 20's.

[orchidrose]

I told him i didn't want to be used and he called me paranoid and he pretty much felt really insulted...I am an idiot. BUT when you sleep with someone and you dont know what there are intentions are with you it gets tricky...i am not a FWB kinda girl, I am looking for soemthing good and real and I definitly see that in him, but I am scared to tell him and He hasn't said anyhting to me..i guess obviously he likes me I just need more open communication from him. patience patience patience....OR I move on because I am too scared he will NEVER open up.

 

Why is the onus on him to be more open with communicating? He seems plenty open. He's told you he likes how things are going. On the other hand, his response to the fact that you did not want to be used is troublesome; I understand him being a bit concerned, but insulted is a bit strong.

 

It's not that he's not communicating. He's just not communicating what you want to hear.

 

Oh, and stop sleeping with him if you don't want to fall harder and you're not sure if you want a relationship with him. Sheesh.

[unknownme]

Is he seeing someone else??? Him dissapearing for days is not a good sign...

[Maya_A]

he said he likes how things are progressing and he is slow moving..

 

So what is "wrong" with that after two mere months of dating? It sounds perfect & healthy to me....

 

It seems like you are jumping the gun here & also feeling insecure. It might ruin a good thing...

 

And for heaven's sake if you like him very much, do not stop communicating with him because of a totally fear-based, cooked up scenario in your mind - geez! The poor guy hasn't even done anything...

 

Where we open our hearts there is always risk, but also often great gifts.... It's a chance we all take...

 

If you want to lessen your chances of the former & make chances of the latter greater, you must relax, let go of outcomes & be at peace with letting things develop in their own time...

 

We all can get insecure & be afraid of being hurt in relationships -- you aren't alone... What matters is how you let those feelings control your behaviors versus healing them...

 

Best wishes on it....

[catfeeder]

I can appreciate how vulnerable sleeping with someone makes you feel, and that's natural. It's also why it's important to use discretion about who you sleep with. If you've got enough clarity about yourself to know that you're committed relationship material, then don't try to use sex to get that out of someone--it's not a tool. Hold out for a man who brings out the best in you and brings enough to your table BEFORE sleeping with him.

 

I'd stop having sex with this guy. If he's into you enough to date you and get to know you, then he'll do that. Otherwise, why put yourself through this?

[HeartGoesOn]

I told him i didn't want to be used and he called me paranoid and he pretty much felt really insulted...I am an idiot. BUT when you sleep with someone and you dont know what there are intentions are with you it gets tricky...i am not a FWB kinda girl, I am looking for soemthing good and real and I definitly see that in him, but I am scared to tell him and He hasn't said anyhting to me..i guess obviously he likes me I just need more open communication from him. patience patience patience....OR I move on because I am too scared he will NEVER open up.

 

You answered your own question here. "When you sleep with someone, and you don't know what their intentions are, it gets tricky." In order to avoid this, it's better to date and get to know them over a period of time, in order to see if a relationship with a committment can develop.

[DylanNotorious]

I am just terrified of getting hurt or not hearing him communicate to me for another few months..I am clearly not that patient...

 

What do you mean here? Is this why you feel needy and paranoid?