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Did i get raped?... or am i just stupid?


Pigglet

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So I was in a really good relationship but then it ended and we were kinda still friends but then he told me he has a girlfriend. I was pretty depressed ya know, eventhough he told me he still loves me and we should just wait until we can see eachother (long distance)

So I was upset and kinda looking for a rebound date ya know, but someone to hang out with

Well this guy was hitting on me and asked me to a movie.

he's 21 and I'm 17 so i was kind of iffy

but i thought hey, movie theatre, lots of people around, plus I had a lot of people who where like 2 minutes away, waiting by their phone in case i needed them

Well we hung out, the whole time my ex boyfriend on my mind!

I wasnt looking for anything in this date, i just wanted to hang out with someone ya know, plus the dude was only here for a little bit.

So yeah, I'm an idiot!

But we hung out some more after and went to the mall and we ended up just sitting and talking. We talked for like an hour and a half and he asked me for a kiss, so i kissed him

Then he asked me to cuddle. It was awkrad but i was like whatever

but then he started kissing me again

and yeah i kissed him back but still

and he started feeling me up

I pushed his hands away like repetiativley

but I didnt say anything

He told me he wanted to have sex and I told him I didn't, like I was unsure. I mean he didnt use force but he kept kissing me and I know I could have done something to like get out of the situatuion or not put myself in the situation but he pulled out a condom. And i still said i was unsure but he pulled my clothes off.

He asked if i climaxed, I said yes but i didnt'

just before he did i pushed him off of me eventhough he was wearing a condom

I'm stil terrified something may have gone wrong

What If i end up pregnant!!!!

I felt so uncomfortable.

I never did anything like that

I never hung out with anyone I didnt know

and NEVER slept with someone so short after knowing them.

Like I hated it!

But i know i didn't say "No!" or "Stop, gget off of me"

and I did kiss him back.

And we hung out after. I cant e rude and just say I have to go when we both know I dont.

but the more i think about it the worse I feel

So am I just being dramatic and guilty because I love my ex

or do I have a right to say something bad happened to me?

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You said he did NOT use force. By definition rape is by force - either physical or by duress (blackmail). You also stated that you believed you had the choice to get out of it but you made the choice not to. So... again... by definition it was not rape.

 

However, what he did was wrong and I am sorry you had to go through that. So long as the condom didn't come off during intercourse you should not have to worry about being pregnant or contracting STDs.

 

Your best course of action for you to take now is to call a rape crisis line and talk to someone about it.

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No you weren't raped, you had a one-night stand. And it's not who you really are, so now you know not to do it again...

 

We all learn from experience.

 

Perhaps you're covering your back in case you get pregnant but it doesn't sound as though you will be pregnant.

 

It's a really, REALLY serious thing to accuse someone of rape. It is hard for them to prove they didn't, and you can ruin their life.

 

It's a really, REALLY important thing to learn to say "No" when you mean it. But he didn't use force and you went along with it, so technically it wasn't rape. You feel 'wrong' though - that doesn't sound as though it's his fault. Although...

 

...it hinges on how you said you were 'unsure'. You are young and perhaps you thought that should have been a No.

 

At least he used a condom. Do learn from this. It could be that even though it wasn't technically rape, you feel violated - but I bet a lot of your feelings are around your own reaction. I think it would be good to ring a rape counselling service - they have lots of experience with young women who have done things they never intended to do, and they won't judge you.

 

Did he put pressure on you and ignore what you said? Sounds as though he did - but it's such a fine line, and such a serious accusation.

 

All YOU can do is take care of your own feelings. I thiknk it would be a great idea to ring a counselling line and talk it through with people who really know what they're doing.

 

I hope you feel better soon - and don't worry, everyone does things they wish they hadn't, it doesn't mean you're a bad or stupid person. Just learn to be assertive and make sure you NEVER get in a situation where you don't make your wishes clear again.

 

P.S. You're NOT stupid!!

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Exactly. People will ALWAYS side with the woman on these issues even though it might be the womans own fault. If the OP accuses the guy of rape and reports him to the police she will most likely succeed... The guy will get thrown in prison for several years and get his life ruined. I might sound like a jerk by saying this... but that guy didn't rape you and he does not deserve to go to prison and have his life ruined for something he didn't actually do.

 

Just because you regret what you did doesn't mean you got raped. This happens alot. a woman have a one night stand then the day after regrets it, says it's rape and reports it to the police which is not fair to the guy.

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No you weren't raped. It was not the ideal situation however and he should have known not to push you into something you made clear you weren't sure about. He didn't rape you but he sure took advantage of you.

 

Hopefully you will learn from this experience. Next time, stand your ground ... don't agree to anything you dont want to do.

 

And, no, you are not stupid ... just vulnerable.

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No you weren't raped. It was not the ideal situation however and he should have known not to push you into something you made clear you weren't sure about. He didn't rape you but he sure took advantage of you.

 

Hopefully you will learn from this experience. Next time, stand your ground ... don't agree to anything you dont want to do.

 

And, no, you are not stupid ... just vulnerable.

 

 

I agree wholly with this. You did something you did not really want to do. Just say no very clearly the next time you do not want to. Also too do not put yourself in a perdicament where these things happen.

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First of all, rape is not just sex by force, rape is sex without consent. She did not give consent. She told him she was unsure and then he proceeded to take off her clothes and have sex with her. AND the fact that she kissed him before means nothing. It doesn't matter what she did or said to him before this happened, it does not mean its ok for him to have sex with her when she says she isn't sure she wants to.

 

To the OP, it is up to you what you decide to do about this but I am shocked that everyone responding to this thread seems to think what happened to you was no big deal. Also, do not be concerned about being polite to someone who has just taken advantage of you.

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First of all, rape is not just sex by force, rape is sex without consent. She did not give consent. She told him she was unsure and then he proceeded to take off her clothes and have sex with her. AND the fact that she kissed him before means nothing. It doesn't matter what she did or said to him before this happened, it does not mean its ok for him to have sex with her when she says she isn't sure she wants to.

 

To the OP, it is up to you what you decide to do about this but I am shocked that everyone responding to this thread seems to think what happened to you was no big deal. Also, do not be concerned about being polite to someone who has just taken advantage of you.

 

We are NOT saying it is NO big deal. He took advantage of her indecision. Which is wrong,yes.

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First of all, rape is not just sex by force, rape is sex without consent. She did not give consent. She told him she was unsure and then he proceeded to take off her clothes and have sex with her. AND the fact that she kissed him before means nothing. It doesn't matter what she did or said to him before this happened, it does not mean its ok for him to have sex with her when she says she isn't sure she wants to.

 

To the OP, it is up to you what you decide to do about this but I am shocked that everyone responding to this thread seems to think what happened to you was no big deal. Also, do not be concerned about being polite to someone who has just taken advantage of you.

 

Just a question for you. So you think it would be perfectley ok for the OP to report the guy to the police so the guy would spend several years in prison and have his whole life ruined because of that? Thats just ridicilous.

 

He took advantage of her offcourse and that was a very bad thing to do. But it was not rape.

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I'm appalled that everyone is saying this was not rape when this man ignored her pushing his hands away from places she didn't want him and completely disregarded the fact that SHE SAID SHE DIDN'T WANT IT.

 

The guy didn't use force.

 

She didn't do anything to get out of the situation even though she could.

 

She didn't scream for help or tryed to get him off her.

 

She didn't say "No!" or "Stop, get off me".

 

She kissed him back.

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The guy didn't use force.

 

She didn't do anything to get out of the situation even though she could.

 

She didn't scream for help or tryed to get him off her.

 

She didn't say "No!" or "Stop, get off me".

 

She kissed him back.

 

It DOES NOT MATTER if he used force or not. She said she didn't want to! That is enough. If she says she doesn't want to and he does it anyway it's rape. And it DOES NOT MATTER that she kissed him. Just because you kiss someone doesn't mean you intend to have sex with them.

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Well this IS up to the OP. She can report it as rape to the police if she wants. Or call rape crisis hotline and talk to them for support. I am not saying he is not wrong for taking advantage of indecision.

 

Offcourse, the OP is entitled to do what she wants. I just hope she realises how harsh that would be and how it would affect the guy if she did it.

 

OP: Do you really think the guy deserves to have his life ruined and spend years behind bars because of that? Do you feel that you got hurt and affected that badly by it? Obviously I don't know the whole situation but what do you think?

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It DOES NOT MATTER if he used force or not. She said she didn't want to! That is enough. If she says she doesn't want to and he does it anyway it's rape. And it DOES NOT MATTER that she kissed him. Just because you kiss someone doesn't mean you intend to have sex with them.

 

Then why didn't she do anything to get out of the situation since she said she could? Why didn't she scream for help?

 

But i know i didn't say "No!" or "Stop, gget off of me"

 

It don't sound like she made it ABSOLUTLEY clear for the guy that she did NOT want to have sex with him.

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Then why didn't she do anything to get out of the situation since she said she could? Why didn't she scream for help?

 

None of these other things you are bringing up are relevant. The bottom line is she said no, and he put his penis in her anyway. That's it. It does not matter what she did before, during, or after. The fact of the matter is she did not give consent and this man had sex with her anyway.

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None of these other things you are bringing up are relevant. The bottom line is she said no, and he put his penis in her anyway. That's it. It does not matter what she did before, during, or after. The fact of the matter is she did not give consent and this man had sex with her anyway.

 

Again.

 

But i know i didn't say "No!" or "Stop, gget off of me"

 

Maybe she should have made it more clear in the beggining by saying "NO! NO! NO!" etc and leave the guy right away(since she could).

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You didnt get raped because even though you didnt want it, you didnt stop him. sorry hun but this was your fault. some guys are really pushy and its in your power to punch him in the face if you really dont want something to happen. You probably arent over your ex and this was probably a rebound. something you have to live with now. I am sorry you feel taken advantage of but no its a Lesson learned. We have all done or had bad things done to us and its all part of learning from our mistakes.

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If you really have to ask then the answer is no. Bad decisions on your part, yes. Rape, only if you lived in a warped sense of reality and think consensual sex one regrets later counts as rape. Case in point, there's a lot that happened between the time he took your clothes off and the time you he asked if you had an orgasm.

 

And i still said i was unsure but he pulled my clothes off.....

 

What happened in this part?????

 

....He asked if i climaxed, I said yes but i didnt'

just before he did i pushed him off of me eventhough he was wearing a condom

 

This "did I get raped" blame shifting crap needs to stop. You had sex, feel guilty, and now you want to escape responsiblity for your actions because you made a bad decision. Tough luck. Learn from your mistake and make better decisions in the future. It's called being a big girl and living with grown up decisions for grown up actions.

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OK, everyone is partly right here.

 

OP, this is rape, but not violent rape. That's what confuses the issue a lot of the time. While it's not one I would bother to report it is one where I think you should talk to someone who is trained to deal with people who've had this experience.

 

OP, THIS WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. Kissing someone does not mean you are going to have sex with them. It's not a promise, it doesn't give them the right to do whatever.

You said you weren't into it and he still kept going. That's rape.

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