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How The Heck Do Some People NOT Move On Years Later?


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I understand if it's been several months since the break-up and some people are down and out about it... I understand if it's been a little over a year... But 2 years? 3 years? 5?!? Or more?!?

 

How does one NOT move on after so long? I mean especially when these people have dated other people and go as far as get into an actual relationship here and there... Do some (or all?) people just never move on?

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seriously...my ex and i have been broken up for a long time and he still tries to get back together with me once in a while. he often has a girlfriend when he does, too. i don't understand it, because i am very mean to him when he does.

 

Lmao!

 

If it's true love, I understand. Or a long lost love, I totally get that... But if it's a seriously lame person? What the heck? >_>

 

There's over 6 billion people on this planet, I'm pretty sure you can find a way better person.

 

EDIT: Oh, and you know what I friggin' hate? When people date a totally great guy/girl, and that person is subjected to hearing all about that "totally horrible ex, OMG!" Hey, if you hate your ex so much, why not just stop thinking about them and focus on your current beau?

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My ex who I split up with 5 years ago tried to make contact me a week ago on facebook...shock horror!! He had a son, was married and split from his wife and he boasted to me about it and in the same breath asked me how I was doing these days and boy do I look cute...Jesus Christ!!

 

Oh and then he requested for me to add him...no way Hosay!! I may have gotten over him but doesn't mean I'll forget what he did!

 

Thing is I believe he has moved on, I mean why would he get married and have a kid..I just think he was interested in what I was doing and where I was at these days..People get inquisitive but doesn't mean they want you back.. ;D

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Lmao!

 

If it's true love, I understand. Or a long lost love, I totally get that... But if it's a seriously lame person? What the heck? >_>

 

There's over 6 billion people on this planet, I'm pretty sure you can find a way better person.

 

EDIT: Oh, and you know what I friggin' hate? When people date a totally great guy/girl, and that person is subjected to hearing all about that "totally horrible ex, OMG!" Hey, if you hate your ex so much, why not just stop thinking about them and focus on your current beau?

 

i guess when you put it that way, i can't blame him because i am pretty awesome. but he's a very attractive man and gets many ladies, so he should have moved on by now. i broke up with him cause he's a douche, and then i found out after we broke up he cheated on me the whole time, and that's why i am so mean to him.

 

i never talk about him to guys i date now, unless they ask me what happened in my last relationship.

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My ex who I split up with 5 years ago tried to make contact me a week ago on facebook...shock horror!! He had a son, was married and split from his wife and he boasted to me about it and in the same breath asked me how I was doing these days and boy do I look cute...Jesus Christ!!

 

Oh and then he requested for me to add him...no way Hosay!! I may have gotten over him but doesn't mean I'll forget what he did!

 

Thing is I believe he has moved on, I mean why would he get married and have a kid..I just think he was interested in what I was doing and where I was at these days..People get inquisitive but doesn't mean they want you back.. ;D

 

See! That's exactly what I mean!

 

Your ex is/was probably on the rebound and was looking for a quick "replacement" and thought about you. (Along with other women.)

 

People can move on in big ways, but sometimes, a very small part of them, even if they'll never admit it to other people... They'll always "save a seat" for a certain ex.

 

An ex who is suddenly super interested in you and your life wants in. Simple as that. I'm glad you didn't let him in, though!

 

I guess some people just never learn to let go.

 

Crazy though.

 

Yep. I've known people in real life who has never let go of some exes and it's like... What the hell? Do you know how precious life is? Do you know there are way better people out there who don't subject you to large amounts of pain?

 

Again, if it's been several months, or a year or a bit over a year, that's fine. Love hurts and can scar you deeply... But if it's been 2+ years, LET IT GO ALREADY!

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i guess when you put it that way, i can't blame him because i am pretty awesome. but he's a very attractive man and gets many ladies, so he should have moved on by now. i broke up with him cause he's a douche, and then i found out after we broke up he cheated on me the whole time, and that's why i am so mean to him.

 

i never talk about him to guys i date now, unless they ask me what happened in my last relationship.

 

That's what I also don't get... If some guy is a complete male model that can pull in girls quick, why suffer for an ex?

 

I mean, I know that sleeping around doesn't equal to "Oh, I've moved on, hurrr durrr!" but... Come on. :S

 

It's good that you don't talk about him. It's fine to slip them in a conversation, for example, "This bridge reminds me of that time when my friend and my ex and I chilled after work." but to go, "OMG MY EX THIS AND THAT HURR I HATE THEM EVEN THOUGH THEY MAKE MY PANTS TIGHT!111!!1" makes me mad. -_-

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Again, if it's been several months, or a year or a bit over a year, that's fine. Love hurts and can scar you deeply... But if it's been 2+ years, LET IT GO ALREADY!

 

LOL, that's kind of arbitrary, don't you think? I mean, why is 1 year OK, but 2 is crazy? Some people might think it's weird to be hung up on an ex for an entire year, some people might understand if you never fully get totally over a relationship. It's different for everyone- you can't just pick some time limit and say- everything on one side of this line is OK, and everythign beyond this date is CRAZY!

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I think that when people have been married or together for a very long time, they will never be completely over it.

 

I have made a thread about this somewhere where I believed that we may never be over an ex, especially if it's a first love/long term thing.

 

You can hold someone in your heart but not the point of shielding it completely for new people that will come into your life.

 

LOL, that's kind of arbitrary, don't you think? I mean, why is 1 year OK, but 2 is crazy? Some people might think it's weird to be hung up on an ex for an entire year, some people might understand if you never fully get totally over a relationship. It's different for everyone- you can't just pick some time limit and say- everything on one side of this line is OK, and everythign beyond this date is CRAZY!

 

2 years is a bit of a while, when you think about it. Some people never get over a short-term relationship with someone even after a year later. People are different, you're right... But I think 2 and above years is a bit much. This is just my opinion...

 

I would understand completely if it was a very long relationship/marriage. That right there I don't judge, that has got to hurt a lot.

 

Nobody is crazy for having feelings. It's crazy when people CHOOSE to hold on to someone instead of moving on in a healthy manner and give another great person a chance.

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People are different, you're right... But I think 2 and above years is a bit much. This is just my opinion...

 

It's exactly that: *your* opinion, which you have the full prerogative to have.

 

In any event, I agree with Jenny about the arbitrariness of your "deadline" -- I also think people heal at their own pace.

 

Perhaps it's not the best or the "healthiest" (?) thing for someone to hold on BUT "not moving on" is NOT always a conscious/intentional choice. Sometimes, some people dont know how, even if they know they should (move on).

 

Bottom line, I agree with you that people should try hard(er) to heal themselves (at their own pace).

 

But I also dont think it's right to diss them for not being able to do so, just bc one does not fully comprehend their motivation for holding on.

 

Just my two cents.

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It's exactly that: *your* opinion, which you have the full prerogative to have.

 

In any event, I agree with Jenny about the arbitrariness of your "deadline" -- I also think people heal at their own pace.

 

Perhaps it's not the best or the "healthiest" (?) thing for someone to hold on BUT "not moving on" is NOT always a conscious/intentional choice. Sometimes, some people dont know how, even if they know they should (move on).

 

Bottom line, I agree with you that people should try hard(er) to heal themselves (at their own pace).

 

But I also dont think it's right to diss them for not being able to do so, just bc one does not fully comprehend their motivation for holding on.

 

Just my two cents.

 

Again, I just think 2 years is a pretty long time. The only thing I can understand if it's a very serious/long relationship or a first true love.

 

But if the ex is a very unhealthy person, or abusive, or loves to lie/cheat, then it's best to let them go.

 

I'm not dissing anyone, and I understand it did come accross like that... But I'm talking about those people who choose to hold on and not let anyone else a chance. I feel especially sorry for those people out there who falls in love with someone else only to get the, "We're just dating. I'm still not over the ex." or worse, they lie and pretend that they're ready for another relationship, only for them to sneak around and talk/see the ex.

 

Honestly, if you want someone, go and get them. Don't date someone else just to feel or appear to have moved on when you're still burning in desire for an ex. If you want, you can check out the search box on the top-right hand corner and type in "Boyfriend left me for ex", and there are some pretty heartbreaking stories where a guy (or girl) talks crap on the ex and makes the new partner feel ultra special, only for the supposed "evil" ex come back and the guy/girl leaves the current one for the ex.

 

It's just screwed up.

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I agree with others that I just don't think you can put a time limit on these things. I am just above the 2 year mark of my relationship ending and while I'm not pinning over my ex or even thinking bout her most days I know I'll never forget her. That doesn't mean I won't love again one day cause I'm certain, well at least strongly hope, I will but I just have not yet.

 

That doesn't mean I'm not out dating or meeting other people.. but I've never been quick to jump into a relationship and won't jump into one until I'm sure it's something I want to purse.... and at least think its one that is good for me. I haven't found that yet.

 

I guess also I don't think 2 years is that long... while my memory isn't the greatest time does seem to fly.

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I'm not sure if I fit under here. I don't want to go back (get back together lol) and I've definitely "move-on", but he was a huge part of my life. My first bf betrayed me pretty horribly and I still have a soft spot for him and I still sometimes miss him a lot. It's been years and I've been with someone else but if I randomly remember something about us, I'll be really funky for a little while. This doesn't happen often, it's pretty rare.

 

I don't even know why, but that's the way it goes~ I'm not bitter or anything, lol and definitely don't subject anyone to my rantings, well except for my best friends. I'm sure I'll love more deeply and probably 'better' next time as well.

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It is incredibly easy for people to fall into and get stuck in thought patterns that are not helpful to them. If someone chooses to believe they'll "never" get over someone (or something), they set up a mindset that will encourage thoughts & behaviors that support that belief....and discourage thoughts & behaviors that oppose that belief. Throw in a few other beliefs like, "S/he was my soulmate" and "No one else will ever love me" and the like, and you've got a nice little mental stew to simmer in for good long time.

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It is incredibly easy for people to fall into and get stuck in thought patterns that are not helpful to them. If someone chooses to believe they'll "never" get over someone (or something), they set up a mindset that will encourage thoughts & behaviors that support that belief....and discourage thoughts & behaviors that oppose that belief. Throw in a few other beliefs like, "S/he was my soulmate" and "No one else will ever love me" and the like, and you've got a nice little mental stew to simmer in for good long time.

 

BRAVO. EXACTLY. Moving on is a choice. Happiness is a choice. I have had my heart broken very, very badly and I FORCED myself to move on after allowing myself to be sad and wallow in self pity for a short while. I am glad I did. At first I was just going through the motions, but after a little while I started to genuinely become happy again and I realized life DOES go on, and I CAN be happy again, because I CHOOSE to. And even to this day, once in a while I think about how cruel he was to me and I get a little mad, but most of the time when I think of him, I let go of my anger and bitterness and genuinely hope he's well and living a happy and healthy life. I'll be damned if I'm gonna waste two whole stupid years of my life being sad over some douche that doesn't deserve a second thought. That's what I ain't gonna do.

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Hm...Some people on here sound quite angry!

I guess we all get angry after we've been hurt- I know I get angry sometimes.

 

I agree with those who say circumstances and situations differ so you can't use on model to judge anybody. Feelings are complicated things.

 

Would you think having a 'soft spot' for someone means you're not over them?

What is the main difference between a soft spot and still having a thing for them anyway?

 

I don't know about me and my ex. I flit between varying feelings, I still miss him a great deal- even though it has been a while.

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Me and my girl are going through the same thing. Her ex/children's father seems to not understand that after five years of no love making, no I love you, nada that those are sure indicators that it is dead and done.

 

Save yourself the heart ache and embarrassmet of disappointment and repeated rejection. Let love come to you...if does embrace it warmly and tenderly.

 

This guy went as far as to take two kids with no house, job, moved them out of town away from their loved ones thinking they'd be happy while along he trying to get my girl back. Involving the kids was unfair to them especially knowing you not able to support them.

 

 

CHOOSE AND BE CHOSEN

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