Girlfriend and I are on a "break". My fault. Help =(

[Hank1999]

Ok, so me and my girlfriend havn't been on the best of terms lately.. but here is where I am at now.

 

She locked her keys in the car while at work, and when I offered to come help - she wasn't even grateful to me at all. I kinda snapped at her and instead of helping her we got in an argument (my fault), and I didn't help her out. I failed at the role of a supporting or helpful boyfriend to her need (helping her get her keys out of the car). I flipped out at her though - and this was the main thing. I was pissed that she acted so ungrateful that I blew up her phone with texts saying angry things (stupid on my part).

 

So her co-worker (a 40 year old guy) called a tow truck and took care of the problem for her.

 

Anyhow, so she calls me tonight after she gets off work and after she gets her keys out of her car. She starts yelling about how I am "acting like a girl" and blowing up her phone and such. She also said that she didn't like how I didn't help her get her keys just cuz she didn't say "thank you". She told me she wants me to be more manly.

 

She said she wants me to TAKE CARE OF HER. (which I do...) but she told me she wishes I had been there for her today (and I wish I had have been there for her as well). She told me she doesn't want SOME OTHER MAN taking care of her and that she wishes her BOYFRIEND would take care of her more instead of being a girl about the situation and not helping because she didn't say "thank you".

 

But I screwed up and was a major a-hole for no reason instead of shining through in this problem and being the hero. =(

 

Anyhow - she then started to nit-pick about how I am not manly enough (don't like beer, how I don't like parties, how I dont do certain things and such). I told her I love going to parties... but she said "maybe it's cuz I just dont want to go with YOU". I then told her something I shouldn't have and that it's obvious she doesn't love or like me because of the way she was talking to me and nitpicking.. I told her it's obvious she doesn't like me. She told me how she doesn't like how much I care about my image and how I look and that she wishes I wasn't afraid to just get dirty.

 

It was obvious she was just nitpicking about everything. She had told me previously this earlier week (last week) that she felt suffocated because she works, has school, and then sees me on the weekends and how she doesn't have any time for herself. So I know that a lot of the reason she was acting that way was because she is frustrated at her own life.

 

Anyhow, I then said if we can't change the way we are attacking each other lately and how we are nitpicking about every little flaw... that I think we should go our different ways. She said in a mocking way "yeah yeah ok". She then asked for a break and told me that she wants this weekend to herself. I told her "that's fine and we will see if we can get together sometime aftwerwards to talk". And we hungup.

 

So now I'm stuck in a "break". I don't know what to do. I should have been there and been the man for her today and helped her out. But I wasn't.

 

I highly doubt she will feel any better about me or the relationship (or the way she perceives me in general) after this "break". I don't know what to do now. I don't know how I can fix this problem or how I can be more "manly". I don't think she will feel any better about anything - so now what? Should I show up with an appology and appology gift and appologize to her in a couple days? (she did a similar thing with me when I took a break with her. She came to me with some candy and a nice letter appologizing for her attitude.). I am usually against kissing ass and appologziing.. but I really did fail as a boyfriend when she really needed my help. =(

 

Advice!?!

[whes]

Cool down, and figure out if you not being "manly" enough was really the real reason for her anger. Like you said, it could be pent up frustrations that she can't get rid of any other way. Sometimes we can be bad at that, blowing off steam on the people closest to us because it's a safe place to do it.

[Hank1999]

Correct - however I really SHOULD have been there for her today when she needed my help. =/ I wasn't there... wasn't the hero in the situation.

[Ms Darcy]

How is the relationship with her in general?

[Hank1999]

Has it's ups and downs... but other than that - we are ok. We have our regular couple's spats and we argue sometimes. I feel sometimes that she takes me for granted... and she has told me she feels suffocated by me.. but most of these problems we are working out / have worked out already.... or are at least in the process of fixing.

 

As for our sex life.. we hardly have sex. We don't have time nor the place to.. we have sex maybe once or twice a month.

[Ms Darcy]

Has it's ups and downs... but other than that

- we are ok. We have our regular couple's spats and we argue sometimes. I feel sometimes that she takes me for granted... and she has told me she feels suffocated by me.. but most of these problems we are working out / have worked out already.... or are at least in the process of fixing.

 

As for our sex life.. we hardly have sex. We don't have time nor the place to.. we have sex maybe once or twice a month.

 

The quality of the relationship sounds pretty underwhelming. I think you should prepare for a break-up since that's very common after someone asks for a break.

[d24]

sorry, but although you didn't do the right thing in helping her, she didn't say thank you which is just rude. what a cow, imagine the thread if the tables were reversed... not having sex, feeling suffocated by you, her insulting your manliness, a weekend 'break' ... seriously, prepare for the worst.

[Hank1999]

How would I get my relationship out of being "underwheling"??

[Hank1999]

Ok.. but what can I do for now to fix things and not let it get to a "breakup"? Should I go surprise her someday this weekend and apologize and stuff?

[SunniDee]

You could....but then that would be you putting in all the effort. As far as spicing up your relationship, that takes two to make it work. And you can't do all of it; she has to work too. You should have a talk with her to discuss this issue and find out if she's secretly feeling the same way, and if she's game decide how to fix it.

[Ms Darcy]

Ok.. but what can I do for now to fix things and not let it get to a "breakup"? Should I go surprise her someday this weekend and apologize and stuff?

 

Ugh. I'd love to give you tips, but not when the woman clearly doesn't respect you. That's just beating a dead horse. Take the break to think about if you really want to be with her and why.

[curious11]

Im kinda in the same situation it sucks doesnt it?

 

I think the best thing to do is to not do anything. Let her do the thinking (even though we'll be crazy in our minds). But dont suffocate her anymore, dont text or call (even though we want to every second). Just let her do the work. "if you love something let it go, if it comes back to you its yours, if it doesnt let it go"

[girlfriday]

I'm confused why she couldn't call the damn tow truck herself and handle her own matters. It's just a locked key in the car! I've locked my key in my car and dealt with it on my own. I never even told my bf until after. Why bother him with such small issues in life? I think there were a few times my car wouldn't start and I would get someone to give me a boost.

 

It seems to me like she wants and expects you to come rescue her but do yo think she'd do the same for you without complaint?

[Ms Darcy]

It seems to me like she wants and expects you to come rescue her but do yo think she'd do the same for you without complaint?

 

She has some views about the roles of men and women in relationship. It seems like her views are a bit more traditional ("a man should do this") and since he is not this way, she is unsatisfied. It sounds like she wants a different guy from what she's got, really.