Help me move on, and prepare for the future?

[KevinR]

I'm tired of feeling like I'm always being dealt losing cards. I was dumped the other day, and I've realized that I always ALWAYS go after emotionally unavailable women. My self-confidence could also use a lot of work. I also need to learn how to be single and happy, since I've decided to stop trying so hard to find relationships (at least for now) with the hope that the next one will just fall into place.

 

For the self confidence, I'm going to start going back to the gym to do more walking/working up to running. I've dropped 50 pounds in the past year, but I could stand to lose another 50. I accept my weight and don't let it get to me, but I feel like there is nothing to do but benefit from working the rest off. What else can I do to improve my self-confidence?

 

When it comes to emotionally unavailable women, I'm not sure how I always fall into that trap. I'm going to try to be single for a while, but I'd still love advice on how to avoid this in the future?

 

And the last part: how to be happy being single. It's been years since I was single for more than a few weeks, so I'm at a loss as to how to pull this off. Any tips there?

 

to summarize...

 

- How do I improve self confidence?

- How do I avoid falling for emotionally unavailable women?

- How do I be happy and single?

[newlife24]

1)i think the self confidence goes with losing the weight and feeling good about how you look. I know I need to get new glasses and i got a new hair style which has helped me alot. I have gotten alot of compliments on it!

2) This one I need help with too. I fell for lies in all relationships ive had. one was married, one was a felon, and this latest one was addicted to pot. He was also secretly growing weed and selling it, which is why I finally left him. Needless to say, I cant stand liars lol. So, emotionally unavailable is my forte. If you find the answer, please let me know. I know personally, from being single these last two weeks, I have learned I need higher standards other than "hes nice, funny or cute." I need a man with an education, good job, goals, doesnt do drugs etc.. I need to raise the bar for my expectations.

3) I am trying my best to be happy again. Its hard when you miss someone everyday that you know is not healthy for you.

I think to be happy you gotta do what you like and stay active. After awhile you wont have to work at being happy anymore. you just will be.

[crymeout]

i

agree about the raising expectations, i feel alot of us settle for someone when we look at small quailitys and not look at the bigger picture. I too fall for guys that are well quite frankly just not good enough for ME... i know this sounds mean and i have always said i try to see the good in everyone, but i think sometimes and most of the time now i think about this properly. It clouds my judgment. i shouldnt trust so lightly anymore and i certainly shouldnt put up with any guy that feels its OK to disrespect me, despite what they are going through. I feel i make excuses for others actions too and that goes back to seeing the bes in people, its evil and clouds our minds to the bad things.

I will when im ready to move on, think and look more carefully at to who i let in my life....

 

KEVINR....

 

theres good book for self improving, well it helped me, its called positive thinking by Vera Peiffer....

 

you too can discover that there are no limits to what you can achieve...

[bungalo]

Hey Kevin,

 

One thing that's helping me (thanks to Msdarcy) is recognizing that EMo unav, people can't help it. If they get help fine, but they gotta change themselves. I think I go for them because of the challenge...plus they mirror my Dad..but in the future watch for red flags...don't ignore them..don't get too emotionally invested when the OP is clearly not capable of reciprocating on a consistent basis. You're doing great with the weight loss keep it up. Being happy single is tough..I guess you gotta stay busy and try new things..

[KevinR]

Thanks guys, all good advice. And I will try to check out that book, crymeout. Starting today, I'm going to try to improve myself along these lines, let's hope it all works out...