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FaceBook has failed me again...


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Dear Jay,


Stop looking at my facebook page. Stop texting me randomly when your drunk and complaining that you were a rebound. Stop posting on my best friend's wall about how hot and awesome your new girlfriend is.


Just stop. It's embarrassing.


You see, our open relationship confused the mess out of me at one point in time. You were my best friend and we slept together for almost two years. But alas, commitment always seemed to elude us. Do you remember when you tried to sleep with my roommate? I do. Because I was in your apartment when you drunkenly coaxed her into your room to "show her something."


I think that's probably when it all started to go downhill, don't you think? After that, we stopped talking much. But we never really talked about any serious, did we? I can't remember how many times you asked me for rides when your car broke down or to bring you some McDonald's. Come to find out, you spend all your money on beer and cigarettes.


So, I tell you that I can't do it anymore. That I have a life to live during daylight hours, that there's someone else I'm interested in, and that I have nothing left to give to something that's never going to go anywhere.


And your response? "That's cool. I'll see you around, babe."


So, I meet a guy. A really great guy. A guy who's everything I could ever want and actually feels the same way about me. We've been together for over a year now. Completely monogamous and devoted. And yet, you still creep into my life somehow, with a 3 a.m. text or obvious, meteor-sized hints that you are stalking my facebook.


Like one night, two months ago, when you sent me a text at 3:37 a.m. stating, "I know you're sleeping, but I just thought of something. I was the rebound guy, wasn't I? You broke up with Daniel, and then we started hanging out. That's funny. Haha."


Yeah. Hilarious.


While your ability to spell correctly while intoxicated is impressive, it's getting really old. Because, no, you were not a rebound. Just one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I gave up friendships and time from my studies just to hang out with you. And you tried to sleep with one of my best friends and continually disregarded my feelings.


Whenever I change my default picture to a photo and him and I, on the mountain, skydiving, or any of the innumerable amount of awesome things we do together, you post a snide comment on my best friend's wall about how "skydiving is stupid" or "couples who post pictures of themselves are ignorant" right under my comments.


Your threat to "gut him like a fish" if he hurts me is laughable. Because you never seemed to care until I wasn't within your reach anymore.


And THEN you tell me that you love me. After texting me a long message about how you have this hot new girlfriend. Not responding isn't enough to make you stop. I have to block your number from my phone.


I tried to put you at ease in the beginning. I tried to tell you that I didn't mean to hurt anyone. And that I thought I was doing what was best for me. But it just didn't satisfy you.


You're a sleazy * * * * * * * with no regard for anyone but yourself. I wasn't good enough until you didn't have me anymore. And now you want me to want you? Your new girlfriend doesn't make me jealous. I hope you treat her better than you treated me. And I hope she's smart enough not to pay for your constant diet of fast food, alcohol, and cigarettes.


Despite your attempts to tear me down, to "bring me down" to your "level," as you so eloquently put it one morning at 7 a.m. via sms message, I do not care about the details of your life. I hope you eventually get over yourself and I really hope you find some sort of happiness. But face it, "boo." I'm not going to be a part of it. We can't even be friends because you're too selfish to even act like a normal human being when I'm around.


So, goodbye, Jay. Much love. Please, please delete my number from my phone like you promised 4 months ago.



P.S. Oh, and by the way, I'm keeping the picture of him and me up. Because even though you bashed it, I think it's important that you have a look at a real man. So next time you decide to take a visit to my page, just take it all in. Because he's not going anywhere.

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Daaaaaaaaaaaaaymn homie. This is the funniest note I have ever read. Dude should be embarrased. Take note ladies, a goodbye letter with truth and class. That is some embarrasing ish hahhahaah. Oh social networking. Oh My Jesus, Lord help us all.

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