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I feel so numb.... I hate that I have pulled inward so much. I don't seem to enjoy going out anymore...and I know part of it is because I feel like I have gained so much weight I'd rather just not go out....it has def. effected my self-esteem. I just want to be back to normal...happy.... enjoy life.... I will have to say atleast i found out that know one seems to notice at school, a few people described me as bubbly, Its so weird because I feel like IT IS WRITTEN ALL OVER MY FACE! thats part of the reason I hate going out now.... not to mention I think the pulling in is increasing my weight gain so it feels like I'm stuck in a terrible cycle... I wish I could feel something today. I don't feel like I can really talk about it with friends or family...so I just stay at home....some life.... I feel as if im slipping into a hole and eventually i'll be stuck.

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If the weight thing is really bringing you down one thing that might really help is going to a gym. It'll be weird at first but gradually you self esteem will build and you'll start to feel better about yourself. Hopefully you can get somebody to go along but if not just motivate yourself. I promise this will help

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thats part of the problem.... I was severly overweight as a child....I lost the weight as a child bc my mom put me in everysport/dietician for 3 years....it wasnt until after I graduated that I really struggled again...ironically the same time my relationship with my ex got bad I became obsessed with my weight....I got to the point where I was walking 7 miles a day/ going to the gym 2 times a day etc.... and then I stopped because my knees started really hurting, and thats what has set me off lately... last year i had a bad breakup and I realized that I don't want my weight to control me anymore, i felt like dieting controled my life.d I know it sounds crazy but in some odd way I felt like I wasn't good enough. I realize now that when we broke up I did a 180 and stopped caring( i know thats terrible, i really struggle with this) and I gained weight of course. The only problem is every time now I start to try and lose weight healthyd It feels impossible, first of all I lose weight super slow, plus walking/working out really is enjoying for me, but when my knee swelled up last week I just want to scream and give up... I feel like I've gotten myself somewhere impossible. Not to mention the numbness i spoke of really effects my energy level. You are absolutely right though, I am just going to have to do some other alternative workouts. I realize that although its been a long time since my breakup it feels like I'm still stuck in this hole, I can't seem to snap out of it. I want to look forward to something, be excited, mingle again, but i cant stop this fog over me. I keep pushing myself to get through the days, but the like of motivation is terribly draining. Also a lot of my friends have began marriage/dating and I think although I'm trying to fight it, its really killing me. I realized after my last breakup i have to work on myself because it really just complicates relationships, i've been pretty successful, atleast on the outside. I am working two jobs(part time) going to college full time, I just got accepted to a job/internship this summer. So although I should be happy, i feel like I'm convincing myself that eventually I'll be happy, almost like if i act happy on the outside the emotional aspect will kick in ....but theres that emptiness inside. I hope that makes some sense...i don't know if it does... but i really appreciate both of your inputs

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