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bunnykins86

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Hi, please can anyone tell me if this would upset them or if i am too emotional. I find my boyfriend doesn't seem to get i am his girlfriend not just a friend and tells me things about exes i don't want to hear.

 

When we first meet a big problem was him mentioning his ex that he was with before me bringing up info i didn't need to know the final straw came when i got angry and told him i didn't want to know anything about her this was after he told me about what she was like when she got her period

 

Anyway he stopped mentioning her then the other night we are sat chatting about things and another ex who i worked with when we meet came up they dated over 10 years ago, he told me that she had broken his heart and that she was basically the love of his life then went on to say that she looked different then that she was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen while I'm sat there like wait you don't say this to your current gf!

I went silent and then made a joke "sounds like your not over her" he then said he was but i felt like well hang on he mentions to me about marriage etc but then comes out with this.

I guess i always thought he thought i was the love of his life. I just feel confused and hurt.

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Anyway he stopped mentioning her then the other night we are sat chatting about things and another ex who i worked with when we meet came up they dated over 10 years ago, he told me that she had broken his heart and that she was basically the love of his life then went on to say that she looked different then that she was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen while I'm sat there like wait you don't say this to your current gf!

I went silent and then made a joke "sounds like your not over her" he then said he was but i felt like well hang on he mentions to me about marriage etc but then comes out with this.

I guess i always thought he thought i was the love of his life. I just feel confused and hurt.

 

I'd be absolutely furious if a guy said those things to me -- how disrespectful!!

 

IMO he got away lightly with you simply saying "sounds like you're not over her". You should have said more right then and there. Please don't be afraid of telling him how much he hurt your feelings through fear of being 'needy' or whatever.

 

If he doesn't buck up and continues to keep saying things like this, get rid. Move on to someone who does think the world of you.

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Hey there.

The guy that I like does this too sometimes. He causally mentions ex's, and some memories.

It doesn't bother me to much because we aren't dating, but I can imagine that you would feel like "HELLO! I am sitting right here."

Do you think he does it on purpose, or just accidentally?

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Oh my. You have told him not to bring exes into your relationship. He is being disrespectful of your feelings by talking about them. I agree with what HeartGoesOn said, let him know that if he does it again, it's over. He's either not over his exes, or that he's doing it deliberately to hurt you, knowing as he does how much it upsets you. Either way, you deserve better.

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No way this flys... "The love of his life & most beautiful girl he's ever seen"?

 

Excuse me for saying but he is really either very dense in the head, or he is doing this on purpose to gauge/test something about you....

 

If I had to make a guess on it I'd say the latter...

 

Maybe "pulling your strings" & seeing that reaction from you, plus seeing the "power" he apparently has over you boosts insecurities that he has.

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It is one thing to talk about prior relationships and heartbreaks but to tell a girlfriend another girl was "the love of his life" is where I draw a very thick line. I had a boyfriend like that. He may feel that he wants to share everything with you, but this is a little too much. There is a time and a place. My current boyfriend and I had a long talk about past heartbreaks one night. Went into appropriate detail and then it was done. But we don't pepper our daily conversations with it. I know about a relationship he was in that he was left and hurt, and he knows the same about me.

 

I would decide whether he is telling you this to share everything and is just not thinking or is really not over these girls. If it were me, I would speak up and say "I remember when you told me that Sally Sue was the love of your life. Do you know what people usually think when you call someone that? usually it means that they were your greatest love and that you do not want to or cannot possibly love someone else more or again like that. When I hear you say that, it is saying to me that you are not that into me and never will be and it hurts, so please clarify what you mean because it really hurt."

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I guess i always thought he thought i was the love of his life. I just feel confused and hurt.

 

His comments were mostly insensitive, but you have to remember that there's the element of time here. At the time, she was the love of his life. You might think your boyfriend is the love of your life now, for example, but if you broke up for whatever reason and met someone else, etc, your feelings change.

 

I understand that these comments sometimes hurt but I think we need to remind ourselves that most people have a history of different partners, and the feelings they had in those previous relationships were often just as intense.

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Not to insult your boyfriend, but he sounds a bit clueless. Im not saying he isn't smart, I just think your request for him to not mention his ex didn't really register. And it sounds like he just talks without thinking it through. Maybe you need to try the conversation with him again and make it a little more clear.

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Actually, he sounds a bit of a plonker. In addition to what everyone else has said about respect for your feelings, how would YOU feel if he was talking to someone else about how you are on your period?

 

Unfortunately, he may already have realised that this is a way of pulling your strings and giving him power over you - now you need to take it back. I had an ex who talked about someone else as the love of his life. I told him that if everything had been as wonderful as he was making out, then they'd still be together, wouldn't they? That did the trick!

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No, you're not being too emotional. There are limits and certain times that are okay to talk more in depth about ones past relations. He should know and respect that.

 

My ex did the same thing and it upset the crap out of me. I felt like he was always comparing me to his past girls the whole time. I told him that it hurt and for some reason he still did it.

He even shoved a book of remembrance in my face, from his ex,ex, 'love of his life,' that she made for him with pictures and poems of love all over the place. It came out of no where and I couldn't believe he still had it from four years ago. I wasn't expecting it and so, I sat there going from page to page, with him right in front of me, trying to focus on the first word I saw, blurring all the pictures and telling myself don't cry. Don't look, don't cry. That was a such hard thing to do but luckily, I don't remember any pictures or words, only feeling like crap and had no idea why he did it.

 

I guess try to talk to him about it again... cause he may start pulling things out of no where just to show you like my ex did.

You are NOT being too emotional about this. There really are boundaries for this stuff.

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No its only recently that he's brought his exes back up after the 1st 6 months of the relationship i told him not to bring up exes and he hasnt spoken about them for the last couple of years then suddenly this ones been mentioned.

 

How has your relationship been recently?

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