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please tell me, am i being CLINGY?


asthesparrow

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hey guys, i would realllllly appreciate advice on this matter before i start to stress! Thanks for any help

2 weeks ago i moved to a different state, 2000km away from my boyfriend of 4 years. He is moving here as well but not for a month.

Basically i just feel like he has been neglecting me but i also feel that im probably being clingy, i just wanted to know if my expectations are realistic or not.

 

I got upset at myself and him yesterday, hadnt heard from him in 2 days so i called him and said can you call me tonight (i was driving couldnt talk) he called me at 7 but he was busy w/ friends so i said call me later when you arent busy. He ended up sending a text at 1am saying 'hey i just got home with (friends name), im really tired, ill call you tomorrow when (friend) has left, love you etc.'

 

All i really wanted was a five minute call to see how im doing, what hes been up to, and to say goodnight as its been four yrs sharing a bed... And now im lucky to receive a text from him.. And if i want to speak over the phone i have to ask him to call

I feel im being clingy and dont want to push him away, but i am all alone in a new state, in a house by myself, and i thought he would understand this and want to check up on me at least. I find it strange that he doesnt even bother to text me and see what its like here

 

Ive spoken to him 3 times over the phone now and sometimes feel he'd rather reply with a short text msg than call me. Id much rather talk than receive a word or two via text.

Oh i should probably mention, we speak every 2 or 3 days lately but i always initiate contact. Usually it would have been 2 days since we spoke (text) so ill text him and ask him to call when he has time... Most times he has but has always been preoccupied, and when he hasnt called me he just texts and says hes busy, orrrr doesnt reply at all....

Is he being distant, or am i being clingy?? Sigh.

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I don't think you're being clingy considering you guys have been in a relationship for 4 years. As a woman, I feel your need for hearing from your bf. I would say give him some space. Recently, I read a book about relationships ("Why men love * * * * * es") and the author claims men don't respond to words, they respond to no contact. I'm sure if he doesn't hear from you for some time, he would start wondering how you're and feel the need to reach out for you. Two days is not a long time not to hear from someone, don't stress over the small stuff. He's been busy. Stay positive - he's moving to your town in a month

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How old are you guys? Yeah I think he should have called you to see how you settled in to your new surroundings.

 

 

Im 21 hes almost 23. Im living alone for the first time.

 

The thing is, he isnt busy. Hes got no job. hes been getting up at 2pm and going to bed in the morning.. Hes had more than enough time to call but i feel he doesnt want to talk.

I understand the 'space' thing and 'he will come to you' thing, but we live together... Isnt 2000Kilometres enough space???

 

I know if he were in my position he would want to call every day for some company, but i figure because hes back home with friends he has more distractions and isnt feeling lonely like me....

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Maybe he just doesn't like talking on the phone.

I sure as hell don't and my bf can be away for a week or so and he will try to skype me and I'll make excuses. I'd rather text or chat online. It's not because I don't love him or miss him. I'd rather talk to him when he's back so I can tell him things face to face! I think things are more important than a phone call or text unless it's an emergency. I find that also after 4 years of dating (your situation) you run out of things to talk about.

 

I do think that he should have called to see how you're doing at the least but don't get too riled up over it. Men communicate differently.

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hey guys, thank you so much for your replies. I really appreciate it.

As for communication, we have always been good at it. When we've been apart in the past its usually been him calling, and me who doesnt like phone conversations, at all! But given the circumstances, me being alone in a place i am not familiar with, ive been willing to talk on the phone. I know that isnt the case at all. The one time we did speak on the phone properly a week ago, it was for over an hour. I dont know whats going on, this is very out of character for him.

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