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Do you think this means anything?


matt_t586

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My girlfriend of 5years and 8 months broke up with me about 3 1/2 weeks ago and im really hurting and im finding it hard! Ive been NC for 6 days and its killing me!

 

She came round 7days ago to pick up some stuff and we talked and had a hug.I asked why this was happening and I still got the same answer of we have grown apart, thats all I have had from her. Anyway I realise thats all im going to get.

 

Before she went she said she wants to be friends and if we bump into each other on a night out she doesn't want me to ignore her. She said I can text her and she will reply as long as its not asking questions about the break up! As I said I haven't taken her up on this as im in NC! The only contact I had was an email the next day stating a few things not needing a reply and I didn't get one.

 

 

What I want to know is do you think this means anything that she wants to be friends and doesn't want me to ignore her if I see her etc...

 

Let me know what you think?

 

Thanks

 

(read my other posts if you want more background. im 23 she is 22)

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i wouldn't read too much into it, since she did say that she didn't want to talk about anything regarding the breakup. sounds like the two of you were together for a very long time and while she may value you as a person, she's not interested your relationship as a couple anymore.

 

probably best for you to stay NC

 

i also think that even though i think you still get out and have fun with your friends, if you know she's prone to go to a certain spot you probably should avoid those places.

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Unfortunately yes! Because she wants to play mind games n suck u in!

Trust me I regret it but now I'm screwed! We talked this morning and it went ok I guess but now things are playing in my head.. I hate to say it but nc works .. I'm married too so it's tuff to just nc 100% but u got the upper hand just play your cards right...

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hey there.

I doubt that she is as over it as she seems.

I do not know whether or not she wants you again because her behavior seems to say she is over it, but I doubt she is. Even dumpers need time to heal, and you two have been dating for a long time. I would limit contact for sure, and do somethings to get off of your mind. Go out with your friends, go workout, and if she doesn't come back, move on. Seeming desperate will only push her away.

good luck!

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I would ask her exactly what she MEANS by we've grown apart (when you are more emo stable). That is waaaaayyy too generic after 5+ years. I guess I keep going back to this notion of there only being ONE REAL REASON ANYONE BREAKS UP WITH ANYONE. It's loss of attraction. So in some cases...there's loss of respect (did you lose it too many times with your anger or behavior?) Did you become a doormat? Did you cheat? Were you not honest? You get the drift...I have had to work really hard to get over this FEAR of my ex because she hurt me so badly-TWICE! That's right 2 breakups. You have to settle down..and give yourself some time..I think the plan for now is to do nothing but concentrate on healing and try as hard as you can to stay NC. When you are stronger, you can talk to her. I don't think you have to ignore her..that seems fake to me..just try to keep it breif and try to keep yourself together when you see her (I failed miserably at this) ...best

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Nope. I think she meant just what she said. I say that to all my exes (whether I'm the dumpee or the dumper) and I mean it and to this day if I see them out I say hello and maybe even give them a quick hug...just like any other friend. However, this can only happen after I have fully healed....usually 6 months or so after the break or more depending on the length of the relationship.

 

You were together 5 years...she just wants you to be civil to her.

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hi MAtt

 

i think your doing great and you are doing the right thing as hard as it seems and as cruel as it feels you NEED to do this for you. I know it hurts now and it will, we have to go through it and come out the other side and you will eventually.

It does seem like others are saying that she is just trying to be civil and like someone else said you dont want to seem desperate as that will only push her further away. So the best thing for you is NC right now....U never know she may in time miss you and be in touch but you have to focus on you and try to heal for YOU and try not to worry about her and what she is thinking. And i know thats hard as you know i am going through the same thing, your minds telling you one thing but your hearts saying another and its horrible to feel like this day in day out. You have to stay stong tho hang in there everything will be alright in the end.....promise x

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She dumped you right? So what does it matter if you don't reply? She can't have it both ways.

 

I agree with this.

 

She broke up with you so she cannot expect you to still be there for what she wants. I'm not trying to be mean against her because I am sure she does want you as a friend and is hurting from the loss - but she can't have it both ways.

 

It's over now and you have to think about you and not about her.

 

NC is the best way to go right now. The emotions are raw and even if you do want her back, it's going to take more than a few weeks. It's best to go NC for a couple of months to get over the initial raw emotions. After a couple of months you'll be thinking clearer and be able to figure out what you really want.

 

If I were you I'd steer clear of places she might be and stay NC completely.

 

Best of luck to you.

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I agree with what u say and then i also keep thinkin that i need to sort this now if it can be before its too late! We are so good together i think she just got bored of the same routine but that can be fixed! I want to date her again and start a new fresh relationship! I dont know how to go about all this!!

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