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My ex is breaking NC already!! What do I do?


Diagonal

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So she asked for time "completely away" so she can heal and settle her stresses of moving out for the first time, coming off meds and dealing with money issues, but now she's just text me after only 2.5 days!!

 

I haven't replied, but I just don't know what to do? My brain says she asked for NC and it IS going to do us both some good, but my heart wants to reach out...

 

Now all she said in the text was she had put a small amount of money in my account that she owed me, but I clearly told her not to bother telling me when she did it as I check my online banking all the time and would see it.

 

Arrgghhh! I'm kinda answering my own question here, but I don't want to seem rude by not saying thanks.

 

Any advice would be awesome!

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I think you should leave it, she asked you for space so just leave her to it, it was a text to let you know something, it doesn't really warrant a reply as there was no question and I think not replying would serve you better.

I'm so jealous of your situation! There is so much hope for you, for me there is nothing, just nothing. No words, no actions...

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leave it alone man. It may mean she is reaching out or it could simply just mean she wanted to tell you about the money. That text doesnt say much at all so dont read to into it. It would be a different story if she said she missed you or loves you, etc.

 

Leave it be and if she reaches out to you again, depending on what she says continue to ignore it. If you feel deep down no contact would do you good than do what you feel is best. If she does reach out to you telling you she misses you a week or two down the road, you can give her a short reply stating, this is what was decided and your not trying to be rude but the NC needs to stick and go from there. Follow your heart man!

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Thanks guys I totally agree. Even though it doesn't require a response it's the kind of thing she has done post-break-up to reach out - i.e followed it up with questions etc.

 

At the end of the day I can't just be waiting on call for her when she feels low or needs a chat, but then it could just be a FYI like you said.

 

I think I might just text back 'Thanks' and that's it, but not till much later on.

 

Sorry you feel like you do Lucy life is unpredicatable and I don't hold much hope for me at this stage either. Who knows what our ex's are thinking and what's going to happen, that's why we're so upset by our situations!

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I would beg to differ with the others, and reply with a thank you. Treat NC like you would treat a friend or co-worker, not someone in exile. A simple thanks would suffice. It's not like you're pouring your guts over the phone and making out at the same time.

 

The girls I know don't understand compartmentalizing emotions and can't understand how a guy could just be so cold too, even though she said NC. So I would reply, and treat her like a friend, not a girlfriend during the period.

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I guess i agre with BlueXno. Its ok to reply with a simple thanks. I was just trying to reflect back on my experiance that when my girl and I broke up for a couple weeks, she started texting me she missed me. I left it alone and the more i left it alone the more she realized that she wanted me back. Finally i did respond telling her that i am not ignoring her texts to be rude but just trying to heal and move on. If she starts to text you more you can tell her something like i did. Sometimes they will understand and leave it be or hearing you say that your trying to move on will make them snap and realize this is wrong. Many people break up too quickly. They do it without really thinking it through or they are just bluffing to see how much the other person really cares and if they will chase them. Its hard to tell now days.

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Always so crytic Tired Tiger, I love you posts, they're always so laconic yet full of advice

 

Thanks guys, I'm still undersided on what to do yet. I can't believe a little decision like this has me in two minds! What is she doing to me?! Hahahaha

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There's a scene in the film "Hunt for Red October" where Sean Connery (Russian submarine Captain) orders, "Re-verify our range to target... one ping only". The range was really secondary to the cryptic message to the American sub, "I'm out here...".

 

You've been pinged.

 

Yes TT but how'd that work out....

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Dont reply - Its an FYI text.....she is reaching again. A "Thanks" will turn into a "how have you been?" or "I miss you". Then what?

 

If you are torn over what to do here, you might as well start thinking about the next 10 steps ahead if you reply.

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I love reading your threads diagonal, I hope soon to be on the same path as you are in my friend. I would text a "thank you" and nothing more. I shows respect, she knows You will probably see it online however she text you to let you know.

That is very cool my friend. I started nc yesterday and she called me today... Yey! In out situation anything is possible just be ready

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A thanks is fine. You shouldn't be making yourself available to her. You should not even be on this forum asking for advice about it! You should just emulate non caring until you really don't care! Get on with moving on. Relationships get 1 REAL chance, in a metaphorical sense.

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I like what someone else said she's your ex, but right now you should be treating her as an aquaintance or a co-worker....not a leppar. If it would be like you to give a quick thanks to a co-worker who sent a similar text then you should thank her if it would be out of character for you then there's no need.

 

She knows you. Just be you.

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There's a scene in the film "Hunt for Red October" where Sean Connery (Russian submarine Captain) orders, "Re-verify our range to target... one ping only". The range was really secondary to the cryptic message to the American sub, "I'm out here...".

 

You've been pinged.

 

Oh, yeah. Most definitely . . .

 

If I were you, I'd text back something simple---"thanks" is a good idea. Your response will speak volumes, though. It's going to tell her (a) even though you asked for space, it's okay with me if you contact me; (b) I'm not angry; and © if you reach out to me, I'll respond even though I'm respecting your wishes. These seem like things you might want to convey.

 

If you ignore it, it's no big deal because as others have said, her message didn't require a response. I'd see it as a missed opportunity, though. Also, you don't want to leave her with the wrong impression (i.e., the opposites of a, b, & c).

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Great advice from absolutely everyone, particularly CoolChick

 

I've just this moment text her back a simple "Thanks x".

 

I did leave it for like 6 hours (which flew by actually with work and such) and by texting back it's definitely:

 

* Within my character

* Shows her I'm not angry about her asking for space (something she's been hung up on constantly asking if I've been mad at her since the break-up, which I haven't been even once nor am I an angry person by nature).

* Shows her I'm still open to contact from her...

* ...and finally that if she reaches out to me, I'll respond even though I'm respecting your wishes

 

Win-Win in my eyes, all from a one word text! Madness!

 

Thanks guys, I doubt I'll get a reply as it's late over here, but I'm glad I did it.

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Hoping this will help you:

 

I'm in "NIC" and I do not think it is very effective. My ex has been pinging me by text/email forwards starting last week.

 

I make a distinction between forward-looking and backward-looking pings.

 

It would make sense to just respond to text messages that are about future plans ("hey, ___ band is playing tonight if you are interested", "here's a project you might like to work on") but not to pings that are backwards-looking ("How was the cafe?" "how'd you like that movie?").

 

In other words, if the "ping" has the potential to add value to my (newly single life), then a response would accomplish the goal of being civil, friendly and open. But if is it just to make the ex feel better or pass the time, then no response is necessary. I was fired from that job.

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I make a distinction between forward-looking and backward-looking pings.

 

It would make sense to just respond to text messages that are about future plans ("hey, ___ band is playing tonight if you are interested", "here's a project you might like to work on") but not to pings that are backwards-looking ("How was the cafe?" "how'd you like that movie?").

 

If it were me, I would only respond to potential getting back together pings ("Hey, I made a mistake. Can we talk?"). I would ignore nonsense ("Here's a project you might like to work on.") I don't need an ex to plan my social calendar.

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