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Death and perspective


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I had been a month into a breakup and trying hard to heal myself. I was stuck in a massive depressed rut of guilt, unhappiness, constant thoughts about them, constant dreams, longing to get them back, constnat crying at work etc. I thought my world as I knew it was ending.

 

Then last week my dad died very suddenly. I am 22, he was not even in his 60's yet.

 

And what do you know, the dreams have stopped. The circular thoughts about the ex don't haunt me anymore. I don't think about them so much.

 

I miss my dad, and am traumatised by what happened. And realise that there are bigger things in life, and bigger hurts, and love that runs deeper than any boy/girl relationship.

 

Breaking up seemed like the most excruciatingly painful thing for the last few weeks of my life. But compared to losing my dad, that pain is like a tiny needle in a huge haystack.

 

My advice to people - life is so short. Try not to let grieving for a relationship take up too much of your life. You could die tomorrow. And it really all doesn't seem worth it. My dad's last memories of me will be me crying and moping around, a sad daughter whom he was trying to comfort and cheer up. That is hard for me to live with.

 

Zoom out and see the bigger picture. It makes breaking up all seem very trivial.

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Sorry to hear of your loss Ding and you are right, a break up is a difficult emotional challenge but in the grand scheme of things it isn't as bad as we think. Most of our hurt seems to be self inflicted via thoughts and feelings and, in your case, an even greater loss has changed your thoughts and feelings and put your situation into perspective.

 

I wish you all the best in healing your losses and the future

 

Regards,

 

Darren

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