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I facebook stalk this guy to extreme, and i need to stop!


Laymisse

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I've been friends with this guy for a little over a year now, and we've always been flirty with each other but on the whole we're friends, despite hooking up a couple of times.The last time we hooked up was about two weeks ago, but before that it hadn't happened for about six or seven months, but we see each other a lot as friends and we get on really well. I don't want anything more but i'm turning into a facebook stalker!

 

I use facebook a lot, but i check his page probably at least once every five minutes when i'm on. He speaks two languages and i'll translate everything he says in his other language, i click on people's walls he's interacted with to see what's been put, check the last time of his activity etc. I feel so pathetic, but i can't help it! I'm not the same with text messages or msn, i rarely initiate contact that way but when we both happen to be on msn at the same time, i'll be waiting to see if he messages me and checking whether he's still logged on all the time and stuff.

I do NOT want a relationship with this guy, so i can't understand why i act the way i do. It feels like although we're friends, there's always games going on. I don't know whether that's in my head, and he'll infuriate me very easily. I've considered deleting him on facebook so i can't stalk him the way i do, but how do i explain that without us having had a fight?

I'm really feeling emotionally drained with this relationship we have. Any advice?

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At first I thought that you would want a relationship with him until you said that you did not. This seems strange to me that you do not want a relationship with him. To help you out I need a little more information. What is the reason in not wanting a relationship? Do you have feelings for him?

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This seems strange to me that you do not want a relationship with him, but you feel the need to check his facebook page. I would just delete him as a friend and if he brings it up just explain that for some reason his page was being a distraction to you and has nothing to do with your friendship. I cannot think of any other option that would stop you from facebook stalking him.

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im boggled like the others. Usually when someone stalks someone its because of a major attraction or want to be with this person. In your case this is really odd and this stalking your doing is a problem that you definitly need to address. I think you should just delete him and if he asks, tell him that you were cleaning up your friends list and that you must have accidentally deleted him. and just for an extra quirk, tell him that your thinking of deleting your facebook anyway so maybe he wont try to friend you again.

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Well it doesn't seem so baffling to me if I'm right in saying that you DO want the guy. You want him, but you objectively realise the risks involved in being with him. Knowing this, and no longer feeling the longing for the object of your affections are two different and rarely congruent things. You could delete him as you said, because it would solve the immediate problem of you worrying yourself over how obsessive you've become, but I suspect if you did that you'd find some other means of surveillance or if you truly couldn't without the help of facebook, then you'd just feel very anxious wondering what he was doing.

 

Unless the facebook obsession is causing you or him measurable damage, I'd just continue how you are, reminding yourself that it is irrational, and wait until the infatuation passes. It will eventually, there's just a long unpleasant road ahead. You've worked out the easy part where you've decided that rationally being with the guy is not for you, but ceasing the attraction is something that could take longer.

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