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Well, I THOUGHT she cheated and im alone on my BDAY


Yeda

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I been creeping around this forum for a few weeks trying to get advice through others experiences and figured I needed to get proof before I confront. Well I ended up making things worst.

 

She been showing signs of cheating for the past 2 weeks......

 

1. We were at a drive in movie and i saw her read a text, when i looked over towards her phone she immediately pulled it away toward her side. I saw the name Nick which is one of my friends. When i asked to see her phone she refused for 10 min while LOOKING right at me...then gave me it. I searched her phone inbox and the text was completely gone. Her last text was 2 hours before she recieved the one I saw. So she deleted it.

 

2. A few days later im at the bar, she calls me at 11:30 and I told her i was going to stay til 2am (close) Well the Pool action dried up almost immediately after she called so I headed home. When I walk in shes naked on the bed with just a thong on talking on her phone. She looked suprised to see me. I asked her who she was talking to and she said no one. She immediately held the phone behind her back for a minute and then told me I could see it if I wanted. I look at her calls, and the call she made to me was not there, so she was deleting the calls behind her back and deleted one to many for extra measure OBVIOUSLY. ( IM NOT CRAZY I SWEAR)

 

3. I end up having to work late because a guys car got towed on the side of the street and had to get it out of impound so I covered for him. He ended up coming in so I left for home. She isnt home, I call her and she doesnt pick up, her phone is off. I end up going to my close friends house because I knew he was having people over. I walk in and see her and my friend talking on the back patio alone. I dont confront the situation but I do mention to everybody that I think something is going on with her and him and if they know anything they better fess up. They all look at me really weird and say that is crazy talk we are all family here blah blah blah.

 

I end up confronting my gf later that night about everything and told her I knew something is going on and she better come clean. She lied to me and I knew she was lying to me the second she started explaining to me that nothing is going on. I told her I knew she was lying and didnt talk to her for the rest of the night.

 

I left, bought a prepaid phone at a gas station for 15 bucks with a free 5 dollar balance on it. When I came home she was in the shower so I deleted nicks number and put in the prepay number on the same contact listing in her phone book so it would still pop up under his name on her phone. Next day while im at work she texts the phone!

 

her : Hes really starting to figure out somethings going on, I hope he doesnt find out.

 

ME : I know, what do you want to do?

 

HER: His birthday is next week and he'll find out then, did you get everybodies money for the cabin? Hes going to be so suprised!

 

I immediately was like * * * , they are planning a surprise bday bash for me. Im a piece of shiii.....

 

Well, I end up telling her what I did like a jack ass and now she is done with me saying im crazy and that after 3 years of being together I should trust her. But the thing is, I KNEW SHE WAS LYING, BECAUSE SHE WAS!!!! I mean I really do know her because I knew she was lying....just not for the reason i thought she was.

 

So basically she pretty much told me that the whole bday thing is off and that im spending my bday without her because she doesnt want to talk to me, all her stuff is gone and she is staying at her moms. She literally hasnt said one word to me in 2 days.

 

She wont tell me that its over, she wont tell me that its not over she just needs time away...she wont tell me anything. All i know is i havent heard her voice speak one word to me in 2 days and I come home to a house with none of her stuff at all....she took the candles I mean everything that she paid for is gone.

 

What do you think, do I deserve to lose her because of this, or was the facts that I presented that led to my conclusion of her cheating, wrong and I should of just brushed it off?

 

Im confused, im glad that she didnt do anything, but in return planned something great for me, but now im alone.

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I can see why she's angry. She was trying to arrange something special for you for your birthday and you completely ruined it by going several steps too far to catch her out.

 

It's a shame none of your friends thought to pull you aside and put your fears to rest, but perhaps no one thought it'd go so far before your actual birthday.

 

Has she ever given you any other reason not to trust you? I know she was acting suspiciously but I think your best option here is to be very apologetic, and talk it out once she's back on speaking terms with you.

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she was behaving very suspiciously... if i were innocent of cheating, and you did what you did, i'd just laugh it off and say something like, i guess it WAS a big surprise!

 

you had good reason to suspect something weird was going on... and she overreacted to you finding out!

 

I am a firm believer of checking things out if you seriously think someone is cheating, because in most cases they ARE cheating.

 

to expect perfect trust under very suspicious circumstances isn't rational, becuase trust is something that is renewed or destroyed every day, not just 'granted' then never revoked. she's being a bit immature in her reaction, and should have understood you had good reason to check her out.

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Wow....that's rough. I can understand how you'd be suspicious. If I saw that my SO was upset/suspicious I'd have to come clean so she wouldn't be hurt or upset.

 

Then again, I can see her side as well - thinking you should trust her after years together. I can understand how offended she'd be.

 

I'm sorry this happened. I really hope you can both work it out and put this behind you.

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btw, the only people i know who behave really badly if you do check them out under suspicious circumstances, are people who ARE cheating. innocent people have no reason to be angry, since they haven't been doing anything wrong.

 

there could also be a chance she figured out you were onto her, and texted those things to get herself off the hook, then took the opportunity to break it off with you and make it look like she's the innocent one.

 

people who are cheating can go to some really elaborate means to cover their tracks, because they don't want to lose face with all their friends and family who wouldn't approve of their cheating, especially if it is one of your good friends she is cheating with.

 

so she may not be as innocent as you think.

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I can understand why you were suspicious. And I have to say, the phone card idea was pretty clever!!! But that's beside the point. I hope she comes around and forgives you. Maybe this will be something you can both laugh at one day.

 

Have you apologized? Not for being wrong, but for handling it the way you did?

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there could also be a chance she figured out you were onto her, and texted those things to get herself off the hook, then took the opportunity to break it off with you and make it look like she's the innocent one.

 

people who are cheating can go to some really elaborate means to cover their tracks, because they don't want to lose face with all their friends and family who wouldn't approve of their cheating, especially if it is one of your good friends she is cheating with.

 

so she may not be as innocent as you think.

This scenario occurred to me as wll.
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btw, the only people i know who behave really badly if you do check them out under suspicious circumstances, are people who ARE cheating. innocent people have no reason to be angry, since they haven't been doing anything wrong.

 

there could also be a chance she figured out you were onto her, and texted those things to get herself off the hook, then took the opportunity to break it off with you and make it look like she's the innocent one.

 

people who are cheating can go to some really elaborate means to cover their tracks, because they don't want to lose face with all their friends and family who wouldn't approve of their cheating, especially if it is one of your good friends she is cheating with.

 

so she may not be as innocent as you think.

 

 

Yeah that crossed my mind actually, when I first came home to see her stuff gone. But, my buddies and I went to the bar, including Nick, and they were all laughing about it and joking that they always thought I was just a dumb jock. Saying how "slick" it was what I did, really not giving me insight but just playing around with what happened. They all knew about the plan and all were ready to pay, and they knew i was bumming about this so we are all still doing the lakehouse thing for my bday anyways.

 

Im 24 and a few of these guys I was best friends with since Jr High, and all went to the same college, I highly doubt they would all contribute to cover my gfs and nicks tracks ( If there were any )

 

Basically, I feel this situation is just ironic. I cannot begin to understand how she can go to this measure to make me miserable. I did what I did because every advice I sought out was to go with your instinct. I did. I was "kind of" wrong, but not wrong enough to flush 3 years of commitment down the drain so abruptly. If she is teaching me a lesson its really doing alot of useless harm.

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I'm sorry, but OP, I don't think you're the crazy one here. I mean... Guys, think about it;

 

Who the hell talks on the phone with her boyfriend's friend about his surprise Birthday party... IN HER THONG? Am I missing something here, or are we all really that free-spirited now when it comes to relationships?

 

Whatever. Hard to say what she did, but I'll bet my money she cheated on the OP long before the Birthday, felt like crap, and makes a plan with the friend to surprise the OP with the party so that she'll come clean and hope that the party will soften the blow.

 

If it really was all about the party and not just about her cheating, she wouldn't have acted so immature when the OP told her what he did.

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Well...I don't think we can say "she was wrong for acting suspicious." Suspicion has nothing to do with the actions of the person, but the feelings of the observer. I think if I were her, I would be upset that my boyfriend's mind "went there." Perhaps your reaction could have been one of joy that she would have taken the time and care.

 

Well, maybe take the time to think about the whole thing as that's the only thing you can do. It may look like she is punishing you, but maybe she also feels hurt. So don't look at it completely as "what bad thing she did to you and how dare she" and look at yourself too. If one thing, you have learned your girlfriend is very bad at hiding things, so that's a plus. Hypothetically, if she were to cheat, it wouldn't work,

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i think she gave you many reasons to think she was cheating. if all of a sudden, your partner is acting like that, even if you trust them, your gonna think what the hell is going on!

 

she still seems a bit iffy. Why be tlaking on the phone just in a thong and then hide the phone when you walk in? i can get she might be angry you thought she could be cheating after 3 years, but she wasn't little miss innocent in this. she did many things to make people think twice.

 

She would have been aware you were getting suspious. why not just tell you. even say 'its a birthday surprise'.

 

To throw 3 years away just like that, like she is doing, she is being immature. Why not talk to you about it! Yes she may be offended you thought she could, but really, who wouldn't.

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I'm sorry, but OP, I don't think you're the crazy one here. I mean... Guys, think about it;

 

Who the hell talks on the phone with her boyfriend's friend about his surprise Birthday party... IN HER THONG? Am I missing something here, or are we all really that free-spirited now when it comes to relationships?

 

The same person that talks to her mother, my mother, her sisters ect ect in a thong / underwear / whatever she feels like wearing or not wearing. I dont mean to call you out at all or be rude, its just the 2nd post regarding why she was in a thong. I know it seems like I put that detail in the OP that made it look more suspicious but it was unintentional and had nothing to do with my reaction, it was how she guarded her phone and then deleted call(s).

 

Not that it is anybodies business but we watch movies in our underwear, have meals at the table in our underwear, we are both very casual around the house naked or half clothed. It is something we both do because air conditioning isnt cheap! We'll see if we are both still up for that in 30 years though....hopefully I can find out because that is what I came to seek advice about, if what I did was worth this reaction.

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I suppose to be fair, it's not like the person on the other end of the phone has to have any idea she's naked. If that's how you guys often are at home then it's not really suspicious. Obviously it looks a bit odd but it sounds like she could have just as easily been talking to her mother in the nude - so long as it's not a videocall then the other person has no way of knowing what she is or isn't wearing.

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This is exactly why snooping is such a bad idea... it blows up in you face and BANG- your the bad guy!! Your every bit as wrong in your actions as she would have been in cheating if you'd found what you thought you were going to find! So yes, she has every right to be upset and if you want to save this relationship you need to start working REALLY hard to put things right!! Just think- would you have been prepared to forgive and forget if she'd been cheating? Well, she's in that same mind frame right now.

 

Basically, you have destroyed the trust in your relationship- which she believed was there-which is why she thought she could get away with planning a surprise party!! You need to be totally open and honest with her and start earning that trust back. She probably feels hurt and humiliated right now and wants you to suffer for that- but give her time and space and apologise as much as you can and I hope for you that she will come round!! Just make sure you have learnt from this and don't be tempted to snoop again-no good can come of it! And don't try and justify your actions to her- that will just make her angry- you were wrong- just keep saying sorry!

 

Oh, and I think the talking on the phone in your underwear thing is a total non-issue! I wouldn't think anything of answering my phone in my pants, in the bath, whatever- the other person doesnt know what your doing unless you tell them!! You were already suspicious when this thing happened and you bent the evidence in front of you to fit your suspicion- this should be another lesson learnt!

 

I do hope you guys can work things out- cos thats a lot of years to throw away for one mistake and you seem genuinely remorseful!

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Snooping is stupid and (ironically) deceitful. That said, this story screams "urban legend." Or bad sitcom episode. To wit:

 

"Hes really starting to figure out somethings going on, I hope he doesnt find out."

 

But then, two lines later ...

 

"His birthday is next week and he'll find out then"

 

Well, duh, "Nick" would've known that already; no need to tell him then. ('Course we -- the readers -- didn't.)

 

"Hes going to be so suprised!"

 

Wait a sec ... she wrote this right after surmising that he suspects something?

 

Fair attempt at a parable, if that's what it was, but I'm not buyin' it.

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Snooping is stupid and (ironically) deceitful. That said, this story screams "urban legend." Or bad sitcom episode. To wit:

 

"Hes really starting to figure out somethings going on, I hope he doesnt find out."

 

But then, two lines later ...

 

"His birthday is next week and he'll find out then"

 

Well, duh, "Nick" would've known that already; no need to tell him then. ('Course we -- the readers -- didn't.)

 

"Hes going to be so suprised!"

 

Wait a sec ... she wrote this right after surmising that he suspects something?

 

Fair attempt at a parable, if that's what it was, but I'm not buyin' it.

 

Yeah, I was thinking the same thing.

 

Like the guy who suspected his wife of cheating on him, arrives home early (driving his cement truck), see's a Cadillac in his driveway, flips out and fills the Cadillac with cement mix. Then his wife tells him the Cadillac was his birthday present which she'd been scheming to arrange.

 

(The above IS an urban legend)

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Oh no! How absolutely terrible for you. Just keep sending your love and apologies without being a stalker. Let her know you'll make this up to her. By the way, do you tend to be jealous of little things.. be careful.. focus on the positives...Good luck!

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Cheaters tend to over-react when you ask them reasonable questions. Alot of times they'll get melodramatic and disappear and throw it back at you. It's like they are over-compensating for something...Their conscience is bugging them and rather then deal with it, they throw it back on. Her actions were very suspecious, regardless of the bday party...

 

Those types seems to disappear on your birthday. It's not their bday, so why should they care? They take their marbles and go home... Actually, they lose their marbles and go home...

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