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Unsure about having children


Nailpolish

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I was searching the net and came accross this site - which helped me understand different takes on what people think about having kids or not. I am a married woman and also don't really want to have any kids. I was starting to think that there is something wrong with me as I was not feeling broody and all my girlfriends are so excited and can't wait to have kids of their own.

 

I am waiting for that broody feeling before I make that move but it is just not happening. I can't see myself having kids which is not a good thing as I know my husband really wants kids. I love him a lot and would only have children just to make him happy as I know this would make him very happy - then there is also the pressure of the family - parents etc asking when we are going to make plans...to be honest I am feeling a little pressured from all sides to have kids.

I am already 34 and I know that I should get a move on now but I can't bring myself to start...what's wrong with me??

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I am waiting for that broody feeling before I make that move but it is just not happening. I can't see myself having kids which is not a good thing as I know my husband really wants kids. I love him a lot and would only have children just to make him happy as I know this would make him very happy - then there is also the pressure of the family - parents etc asking when we are going to make plans...to be honest I am feeling a little pressured from all sides to have kids.

I am already 34 and I know that I should get a move on now but I can't bring myself to start...what's wrong with me??

 

There's nothing wrong with you. Some people just have no desire to have children. Unfortunately, society tends to dump a lot of pressure on people--especially women--to have children because they think it's "what people should do", as some idealized conception of how life goes.

 

 

As I see it, the only issue here is the fact that you and your husband appear to want different things. Have you spoken to him about the fact that you don't want children?

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Nothing is wrong with you!!! There's no law that says you have to get married and have kids. Plenty of women, more and more each year, are choosing to live their lives childfree and that's perfectly okay. I don't want kids either. To be honest, I just don't like them and I'm too selfish to put someone else's needs before my own in the way required with children. I still want to get married and all that, just without the kids.

 

I do feel that you need to be honest with your husband though. If he's under the impression you want children and HE wants children, he needs to know so that he can make the decision to stay with you in a life without kids or if he really feels the NEED to have his own.

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I never did really want kids and neigther did my husband until 30 even though I love children. I always thought I could adopt if I changed my mind ,but now I realize Im too poor to ever adopt.

 

I have fears that since I have no freinds,siblings and no family except my husband that one day I will be this lonely widow with not a soul who cares. Grown kids do stuff for thier parents. bring the grandkids over.. Hook up their computers and make them go to a doctor,make them stop driving when they are too old, and place them in senior care.. who looks out for you when your feeble and solo? But of course thats not a good reason to have a kid.

If your lucky enough to have freinds and people around you and that isnt a fear of yours maybe kids just arnt nessisary.

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Thanks All. I will build up the courage and have a nice long talk with him and be totally honest. I am sure he has some idea already but I don't want to assume anything. You have really made me feel a lot easier about my "situation" but I know the hard work is still ahead of me. Thanks again.

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Thanks sidehop there is nothing wrong with wanting kids - I am having problems with the fact I don't feel the need to have any. How would you have felt if your wife told you she is not sure about having children ? Would you be very dissappointed in her? would you leave her?

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Would I leave her because she doesn't want any children? Never. I would respect the fact that she honestly doesn't want to have a child, rather than 'if you want one' deal and later her or both of us regretting having that child. In that sense there's nothing wrong and people should be honest especially when it comes to creating a new life.

 

We did talk about having another child between us, it would be great but also it's not our priority at the moment either. I love my daughter to death and we both want to see her grow up and have as much time as possible with her right now.

 

That alone makes us not want to have more children, the time and energy that goes into would be doubled if we have another. Less time for ourselves as a couple, less attention for our daughter than there's the financial situation we have to consider. So it is possible she will be the only child, I'm not disappointed with that idea either.

 

I think my wife is afraid another child could come out as twins LOL

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I think she is lucky to have a understanding husband like you.

 

This has been on my mind and I need to discuss this with him soon. Like in the next few days. I think our family is going to be very dissapointed and it will all be because of me. Oh , well I would have to face whatever comes my way. Thanks for your input!

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Victoria66 ,Yes, we did and I said I would have but now I am unsure and I am not sure why!! I think that is why I feel so terrible about this. I was not misleading him at all because I meant it when we discuss this -

 

Ok, I can see that. Yes, you can be unsure and think you might and then rethink later that you do not want to, or maybe want to put it off more. I would say to have a REALLY heartfelt talk with him though.

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