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Does she like me? How can I know?


Prefix

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So I'm 18, and basically a total virgin. And by total I mean no sex, no "fooling around", and even no kissing. I know, I know.. Crazy, huh? I've just always been that sorta lone-wolf silent, kinda dorky and shy type. This is important to point out because A)I'm still super nervous about 'making moves' and such, and B)Since I have no experience, I'm not used to picking up the subtle hints women use.

 

But anywho, lately I've been hanging out with some new friends, and I'm really fond of this one girl in particular. I just don't know if I'm interpreting things she does as being anything "more" than friendship, or if she's just being nice.

 

So her, myself and some other friends were hanging out at a mutual friend's house tonight. Just hanging out, watching movies, etc. We're all single. She was my ride to the friend's house and back, because my car is out of commission currently. I didn't have to ask her for a ride, she offered.

 

So we get there, and we always kinda tease/mock eachother. We're physical (not in like a sexual way, but like poking/shoving/tickling/etc) but it's all in fun I think.

 

While we were watching movies, I was sitting up on a couch and she was laying down, and she put her head on my lap. I kinda absentmindedly stroked/gently scratched her head/hair while she laid there. I did it for a good half an hour, and when I stopped she took my hand and put it back on her head and told me to do more.

 

So afterward when we were driving home, we were just talking and chatting. She said that she was really happy to have met us (referring to me and the other friends we were hanging out with) as none of us were really friends till about 6 months ago. She said she has a lot of fun with me, etc.

 

When we get to my house, I honestly thought that "this was it", we were going to kiss before I hopped out of the car. She mentioned that she had a lot of fun again tonight. So when we pulled into the driveway I kinda sat there collecting my stuff, and then I just kind of paused and stared at her for a couple seconds (not creepily, just casual "lingering" I guess). I hoped I'd get some sort of sign to lean in and "go for it", but she just said, "Bye, have a good night!" in a cute (but quizzical) voice, like she didn't understand why I was lingering.

 

 

So I left, but I'm still thinking about it. I get such mixed feelings from her. Sometimes it seems like she might like me, like whenever we talk we hold eye contact the ENTIRE time. Not "stare", but like literally looking into each others eyes. And the head thing, and some other similar things like that. She's not really physical/ticklish with our other guy friends, but she hugs them and stuff. I guess the car thing just really through me off, because I was really getting the "goodnight kiss" vibes from her right up until she said goodnight.

 

So what do you gals think? Does she like me in a relationship way, or just as a friend? We have a lot of common interests, and the same social circle. She's very open with me about her and her life/friends, but doesn't really talk about gushy emotional stuff.

 

Gah! Women! Why can't you be simple-minded like us guys! It'd make things so much easier (but noticeably less exciting, I think. )

 

EDIT: Sorry this is already a mini-novel, but I just wanted to add a bit more since I have you're attention already.

Women, do you have any tips for guys for when/how to "make moves" on a girl? I'm as far from a "player" as you can get, and my goal is to make sure that she always feels respected. But I do want her to know I like her as more than just a friend; I just don't know HOW to do it! I'm pretty shy and nervous when it comes to this stuff and I really don't want to mess it up, and I know girls are repulsed when guys come off as clingy/desperate.. Which I want to try not to do..

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You should have gone for the kiss. She sounded quizzical because she was wondering why the hell you weren't leaning in to kiss her. And since she didn't want to sit there like an idiot saying nothing, she said 'well, goodnight then....'

 

Never mind. You'll probably get another shot at it - next time, just lean in slowly and kiss her. Then just take it from there and see what happens next.

 

As for how/when - you already had one situation that was an obvious when, so it shouldn't be too hard to spot again. You were alone, you'd spent some time together and she was obviously in a good mood. What you ideally want is a similar situation again - is she likely to give you a ride again anytime soon?

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Hey HouseKitten, thanks for the speedy reply,

I guess I just wasn't getting a vibe that she wanted me to lean in and kiss her. Or do girls not really show that they want to be kissed? I feel like a fool asking this stuff, but I honestly don't know. If I had started to lean in would she have? I guess I'm horrified at the idea of me leaning in, and her just going "Uh... what?"

 

 

We're actually hanging out again tomorrow with a mutual friend. It was at a place in town so I had just planned to walk there, but we'll definitely be hanging out some. I think what keeps me from "making the move" is this nagging voice in the back of my head that I'm going to come off as some sex obsessed freak if I make any moves on women. It's pretty stupid, I know, but it always seems to be there.

 

Thanks

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Hey Prefix! I wouldn't really worry about not having kissed a girl yet, or any of that other stuff. Everyone starts experiencing that stuff at different times. And honestly 18 is still pretty young. Don't worry about it. There are many guys and some girls one this site that are way older than you and in the same position. Myself included.

 

I was talking to a female friend of mine last week that was saying that if you don't go in for a kiss in the first couple of dates she is going to assume that there is something wrong with her, with you, or you are not interested in her at all. Never had kissed a girl yet we are a little apprehensive on what to do, and I completely agree with the thinking of " some sex obsessed freak if I make any moves on women".

 

It is just something you are going to have to do when you get another opportunity. I agree with HouseKitten that she was wanting you to kiss her. She sounds like she likes you. Just lean in half way and see what she does. If she goes "what the heck!?" and pulls away, then you know your answer. If she meets you half way then your golden!

 

The other option is that you could tell her that you have never kissed a girl before and not sure when, or what to do. That will tell her way you were so apprehensive kissing her. A lot of women don't like an inexperienced guy, but that tends to be an issue around my age and older, not at 18. I would go with the first option if you can. It will turn out better. Good luck! I am sure you will do just fine!

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Hey sns256,

I'm not really sure why, but your post made me feel a lot lot better. Thank you for that I know I'm not alone in the virgin department (heck, a bunch of my close friends are total virgins too) but it still makes me feel like I'm just "missing" something, like a lost piece to my puzzle. I mean, how much can you know about yourself if you've never kissed someone?

 

I was thinking of somehow letting her know that I'm a virgin. I think she knows I'm sexually a virgin (I actually think she may be too) but I'm pretty sure she's convinced I've kissed/made out with people before. I just don't know how I can casually let her know that I've never kissed and am a little apprehensive about it, without sounding like a total loser.

 

I really really want to convey to her that I like her more than a friend, but at the same time I don't want to come off as a sex maniac and/or a weirdo. I'm not afraid to kiss her if I can tell she'll reciprocate the kiss, but I just don't know how to tell if she will or not at this point >_

 

Ladies, what do you think about an inexperienced man (if you were 17-18 years old)? Is that an insta-turnoff at any age?

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Hey no problem Prefix! My pleasure.

 

I completely understand the "missing" something. I feel it all the time too. You have just have to seize the opportunities that you get and start learning about yourself. Which in my opinion you have got an excellent one right now.

 

Don't bother telling her you are a virgin. It doesn't matter right now at all. Don't even say that you have never kissed a girl. Seriously she is not going to care at all. You are only 18 years old.

 

You two sound like you flirt a lot, both non-physical and physical. Friends don't lay their heads in each others laps from my limited experience. She would totally be receptive of a kiss. Just do it the next time you two are alone. From the sounds of it, she is not going to turn you down.

 

I might be really off base, as I have never been in the position like you to get my first kiss. But from what I have read, observed and talked to many people I think you two like each other. The best way to convey to her that you like her more than a friend is to kiss her!

 

I think you are going to do just fine.

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I guess you're right, I do just need to kiss her.. Easier said than done What really constitutes flirting? She has kind of a bubbly/friendly personality to everyone, so I hope I'm not just seeing things how I'd like to see it and what not. Although she's not really "physical" with too many other people if that means anything.

 

So I just wait until we're both alone and go for a kiss? It seems so.. Forward, I guess. How do I know when the right time is? Ugh, I feel like I'm 12 years old... Haha

 

First time for everything I suppose.. But my ears are all open to what you fine folks have to say for tips. Ladies, what signs do you show when you're into a guy / want to be kissed? How do you differentiate between just having fun with a guy you consider a "friend", and actually flirting with someone you're attracted to?

 

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Oh I know 'kiss her' is easier said than done! Oh do I ever!

 

I have seen the odd girl friend of mine play fight and physically joke around with some of my other friends (never myself). But nothing like laying their head in anyone's lap or anything like that. That screams that she likes you in my opinion.

 

If you two are alone and it 'feels' right then go in for a kiss. You will know when it feels right.

 

And try feeling like you are 12 years old when you are 23-24! LOL I consider myself around a 15-16 year old level actually. Me giving you tips is practically the blind leading the blind. LMAO! I am sure there are many more experienced members here that could give you some better advice. But its just how I am, I'll give anyone advice that needs it to the best of my abilities. Good luck, and enjoy yourself!

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Hey sns256,

blind-leading-the-blind or not, I still really really appreciate the input you've given me. Sometimes it's really helpful and refreshing to hear the opinions of a neutral third party, haha. I agree with you that her laying her head on my lap (well, it was on a pillow on my lap) is a sign of affection, but I'm just paranoid that I'm looking "too far" into these things.. Maybe she just wanted to lay down?

 

Bah. Curse my tendencies to overthink everything!

 

Heres something else that happened just last night, actually;

We hung out at another friend's house the other night, and since we were there late we decided to all just sleep over. Her and myself and another friend were sleeping on a large mattress in the living room. We went to bed real late (like 3 in the morning) and when we were laying there she kept saying she was cold so I gave her my blanket (I was actually kind of hot) and a little later she kind of moved her arms around me (like a laying hug I guess?) for warmth. We slept through most the night like that.

 

That made me really think she liked me, but I still can't seem to find the "right time" to try and 'make the move'.

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My 2 cents...

 

Based on your last post, if you're sleeping on the same mattress and hugging through the night...yea friends don't do that no matter HOW CLOSE they are.

 

You're already "friends" if she rejects you I'm sure it'll be in the nicest way possible as you're a friend and honestly in my opinion you just have to find the right time to make a move.

 

I wish you the best.

 

 

PS: Please note I'm another blind.... mouse lol!

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My 2 cents...

 

Based on your last post, if you're sleeping on the same mattress and hugging through the night...yea friends don't do that no matter HOW CLOSE they are.

 

You're already "friends" if she rejects you I'm sure it'll be in the nicest way possible as you're a friend and honestly in my opinion you just have to find the right time to make a move.

 

I wish you the best.

 

 

PS: Please note I'm another blind.... mouse lol!

 

Hey Jake,

thanks for the post - I thought the exact same thing too! But the next morning she was as casual as can be, and didn't really think anything of it. She got up before me and our other friend and made us breakfast (very sweet of her), but she didn't seem to care about the night before.

 

I'm such a wuss, I know I just need to either a) kiss her or b)tell her how I feel.. But I keep thinking "she just likes me as a friend".. I need some magic switch or something to convince me that she likes me.. >_

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Hey Jake,

thanks for the post - I thought the exact same thing too! But the next morning she was as casual as can be, and didn't really think anything of it. She got up before me and our other friend and made us breakfast (very sweet of her), but she didn't seem to care about the night before.

 

I'm such a wuss, I know I just need to either a) kiss her or b)tell her how I feel.. But I keep thinking "she just likes me as a friend".. I need some magic switch or something to convince me that she likes me.. >_

 

 

She might have acted all casual come morning because you didn't make a move or because she didn't want everyone else to know. Who really knows why but her. All I know is that I've heard of guys and girls sharing a bed as friends, where she had her half of the bed and he had his half. It was a purely platonic....which is expected from a friendship.

 

BUT they weren't hugging in the bed!

 

Trust me man, you got nothing to lose and you really can't wait on her to make some huge move to convince you......that's your responsibility. Either way I'd say she is being pretty clear, I mean the only other thing she could do really was to kiss you.

 

 

-Jake

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Hey Jake, thanks - I guess it does seem kinda obvious huh? I think part of the reason I havent made a move is because I'm scared about ruining our friendship - she's probably one of the best friends I've ever had - but I definitely want something more with her..

 

I guess I'll have to try and make my move sometime soon. I'm not very good at smoothness or subtlety so it may come out horrible, but ah well

 

Off topic, but I see you play TF2 as well? Rock on. LOVE that game.

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I would reply with a proper message but my Internet is down and all I have is is my phone. So this will be breif.

 

Dude she is clearly making it known that she likes you man. That is awesome! If you really don't think you can spontaneously kiss her then you could just straight up ask her what her intentions were by snuggling all night and lying her head in your lap.

 

Like I said, you'll know when the time is right to kiss her. Try not to force it. But do show interest back. Giving her your blanket was a good gesture. I would bet a lot of money that she likes you, and you like her. Go for it! and good luck!

 

I can't wait to go through what you are right now. Its a good place to be. I'm envious.

 

ps: TF2 is indeed awesome!

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Aw, thanks man - Maybe I'm just being so dense because I'm simply shocked? Haha, I've seriously NEVER had girls show any signs of interest in me up until her.. So I guess I just don't know how to handle/interpret it? It's an awesome feeling. SCARY, but awesome.

 

If you're half as nice in real-life as you are on here, sns256, I guarantee you'll have the ladies lining up for ya sometime soon. No need to be envious

 

I think I will try talking to her, to see what her intentions were for snuggling with me. Thank you for all the help If anyone else wants to add anything I'm all ears.

 

There's still one thing that I don't really get (paranoia incoming.. but on Facebook, she doesn't really post things on my wall or like my statuses, but she 'likes' my best guy-friend's statuses and posts stuff on his wall pretty frequently. Maybe I'm just being ridiculous, but it's something I noticed. If she liked me, you'd figure she'd converse with me on there? Blah

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First of all, I love stories like this! They make me happy!

 

Anyway, I am pretty darn sure she likes you. I don't see any other explanation for it!

 

And I wouldn't read too much into Facebook. Honestly, I post a lot more on the walls of my friends than I do on my girlfriend's wall. (Of course she and I go to different colleges and have separate circles of friends) She and I communicate a lot more by AIM, phone, and in person. Facebook is pretty secondary, at least for us. I looked at my brother's Facebook page, and he and his girlfriend rarely interact on Facebook, either (they've been dating a year now).

 

Anyway, I agree with sns256 on kissing... this will again be the blind leading the blind since this girl is my first girlfriend and I haven't kissed her yet (and I'm also shy and nerdy). But still, my two cents. Anyway, just do it (lean in half way like others have said) if the moment feels right. You'll know. I had one of those moments myself - I KNEW I wanted to kiss her and I think she would have kissed me back - and I kissed her on the cheek instead of on the lips.

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Best of luck man. It looks like there are good signs going for you.....

 

I could only dream to have a girl show any remote interest. Even small hints of playful touching in a subtle way would make my day. To be honest, I don't know how I would react/act if a girl ever showed signs that she liked me.

 

The day that I get a girlfriend will feel like winning a gold medal. Okay, I'm exaggerating a bit but you get the idea, lol.

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Hey thanks for the reply!

Glad my story made you happy It makes me pretty happy too, but mostly confused.. Sometimes I envy how girls get to sit back and wait for the guy to make the first move, haha.

Yeah I guess you're right about facebook, I'm not too concerned about it but I guess I was concerned enough to notice it. I'm like 95% sure if I managed to make myself lean in for the kiss I'd end up going for the cheek like you did - doh.

 

(Oh and, Aragorn ROCKS. )

 

 

 

Thank you wsim - trust me, I know how you feel soooo much. Up until her no girls have ever shown interest in me, ever. In fact, I was getting really really depressed as a result of it. I figured I was unlikable.

Now I still don't know for sure if she likes me, but its a nice feeling at least. I don't know how to react to her showing signs of affection, so you're not alone in that boat >_

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Another question:

 

If a girl asks you to go out a lot, but it's almost always in a group setting with mutual friends, is that a sign of interest? Or is that just being friendly? This girl is always trying to hang out with me, but it is always with other friends. Sometimes just 1 other, sometimes 10 others, but it's never just the two of us. Could that mean she sees me as more of a friend to hang out with her other friends, or as something more? And she just likes hanging out with our mutual friends?

 

Sorry for all the posts and questions. I can't thank you all enough for taking the time to read/respond to this all.

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