marshmlofluff Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 Uncomfynumb, we are both on edge and upset. I hear you. I am Indian-American and conservative about sex; raised in a society where you are supposed to wait until marriage to do just about anything. So being physical means something deep to me. I felt the same sense of betrayal and bitterness and resentment after the failure of my first relationship--and I simply couldn't wrap my mind around this--how could he go on using me, letting me get attached to him, for years if he knew he didn't want to commit to me? I still do not know the answer to that question. In the years since, I guess I have just learned to grit my teeth and accepted that it happens sometimes. That people (especially men) can be like that...they can separate the physical and emotional aspects of a relationship. As the poem says, "Kisses aren't contracts, and presents aren't promises" and after a while you learn that. Not that it hurts any less. Not that I haven't cried floods of tears. But these days I forgive myself and the ex a little easier. I have a grudging respect for my present ex. He told me straight "I know I don't want to marry you so I am going to break things off over the phone, because I thought if I came over and visited in person there would be sexual contact. And now that I have decided I don't want to marry you that isn't right. I know I am being an ******* but on the scale of *******s I want to be as nice an ******* as possible." Sadly, his restraint just makes me love him more. I wish I could meet a guy like that who actually wanted to be with me. Anyway I don't even know what I am saying...I feel like I am rambling. I guess my main point is that I feel your tremendous pain and anger and resentment, and I share it. The sickest part of it all is that some part of my brain can't stop hoping that one day he will come back. [Maybe there is something to be said for lobotomy. ] But (like you, I think) I have been before where both you and I are now. And based on my previous experiences, I am confident that one day the hurt and resentment and bitterness will be gone, and that you and I will both make it through. Hugs. Link to comment
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