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Beat the personality out of a child?

 

Ok so when I was younger[ in the 1st grade ] I was a terrible child. I always got into fights, took people things, always talking when I wasnt suppose to and such. And well my teacher would always send me home with a note for my mom telling her I was misbehaving and I would get a beating. One day I begged her to not beat me and she didn't and ever since then Ive been a good girl but TOO good. I've been shy and I can barely speak without feeling nervous or stand up for myself since the 1st grade and the shyness is ruining my life and keeping me from having fun. I'm going to try to work on feeling more comfortable speaking. So my point is since in the 1st grade I was between the ages of 5-7 and I was beaten for having a "personality" is it possible that it made me think if I have a more out spoken personality I would get hurt and that's why Im a very silent person now? Sorry if this doesn't make sense.

 

So basically am I just permantely unconsciously wired like this? T_T My theory make sound stupid but I don't know..

 

ps: Sorry if this is in the wrong section

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It's not permanent...your defense mechanism from your childhood has filtered into every aspect of your life. You learned that as long as you are quiet and well-behaved, you won't get a beating.

 

This has affected you into your adult life, but you can change it. It will force you out of your comfort zone, but it can be done.

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I can't for the life of me understand how a parent could beat a child that age. That being said, you suffered abuse as a child and it tends to affect you as you are older. Have you ever sought counseling for this? It has to be very traumatic to feel this way after so many years.

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I can't for the life of me understand how a parent could beat a child that age. That being said, you suffered abuse as a child and it tends to affect you as you are older. Have you ever sought counseling for this? It has to be very traumatic to feel this way after so many years.

 

No, I wouldn't call it child abuse. I didn't like it at all but she never beat me senselessly. She hasn't physical punished me in years. And yes, I see a therapist now, but for unrelated reasons.

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I think a similar thing happened to me in a way. I was never beaten but my step dad used to scream and shout at me all the time. I learned that if I ever got angry and argued back it made him ten times worse and he would scream at me till I cried. Now I find it impossible to get angry but cry really easily. Maybe I learned that getting angry makes things worse but crying makes it stop.. I am also quite reserved and believe that it's because I was scared to put a foot wrong as a child.

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