Jump to content

from dating to "talking about us"... help??


SarCareBear

Recommended Posts

Hello everyone.

 

So i've been out on the scene dating women that i've met through a free dating website lately, which has been working out very well for me.

 

i've met three women in person. One of which was fun but there will be no second, the other of which may turn into something small, and the third of which has gone 5 dates in and seems to be turning into something already.

 

I had (Have) started to grow very attached to the girl whom I've seen multiple times. We started sleeping together immediately (bad, i know,) and i realize it's made me feel very attached although we don't necessarily know each other well.

 

Anyway, we went out to this very nice valentines day brunch yesterday and then spent time after watching a movie at my house. She was sick though so I was taking her home in the late afternoon, and we had just smoked some substances (no judgment.. but it helps explain why I was sort of too dumbed out to have the following conversation with her.) In the car on the way home, then brought up the topic of open relationships, which we had been discussing. She asked me what I thought about them and I said I am not sure. Then she began the "what we were or where this is going," talk which I guess I should have expected but still blindsided me.

 

The majority of that talk was for her to say, I think, that she does not or can not want to be anyone's girlfriend right now. I tried to come clean about everything, like how I had seen and have continued to see other girls on dates. She said she wants to be "open and casual" with me but that she can't be anyone's girlfriend, and she doesn't feel like she can be fully herself with me and she is in a hard place (long story, but she is a foreigner here in the US for the first time and doesn't have any family here.)

 

SO BASICALLY... I'm trying to decide what to do. I was so blindsided by the whole thing / haven't thought about it beyond just feeling very "love-y" toward her lately. Made her a mix cd which she had seemed to like. I don't know that I "NEED" her to be my girlfriend right now, as I ahve a lot going on and I am graduating from college this Spring. At the same time, I really have a history of hurting myself baaadly getting into things and would appreciate some advice, of how to go through this!! I do not have a history of good communication with people and perhaps that needs to change. All I know is I really like her and it seems like it may be easy to get burned at this point. Whaaat do I dooooo; p.s. the final part of this story is she told me to call her when i've figured out how i feel, or when I am ready.

 

Thanks =)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't understand...she basically tells you that she doesn't want anything but then asks you to tell her when you're ready for more!!! No wonder you feel confused.

 

Well, maybe you just need to carry on as normal and hope something develops. Feelings change so regularly so you might find that after a few more dates, she does want something more after all.

 

Do you have anymore dates planned?

 

I am like you SCB, I always set myself up to get easily burned so perhaps you need to also continue to date others. This will perhaps at least give your mind some food for thought and then in a few weeks hopefully she might have a change of heart...her words have been said so perhaps being nonchalant about the whole thing may spin in your favour.

 

Good luck!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, first off... stop the "substance". It can only screw everything up. Is that REALLY what you want in your relationship space?

 

I def. wouldn't

 

Girls are quite aware that they can scare a great guy off,and they don't want to do that.

 

She may also be as confused as you are.

 

Look at the long term possibilities, don't go too fast, DO NOT HAVE SEX RIGHT NOW OR ANYTIME SOON (or you'll have even more problems)...

 

And just have fun and see where it all goes. Follow your gut..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't understand...she basically tells you that she doesn't want anything but then asks you to tell her when you're ready for more!!! No wonder you feel confused.

 

Well, maybe you just need to carry on as normal and hope something develops. Feelings change so regularly so you might find that after a few more dates, she does want something more after all.

 

Do you have anymore dates planned?

 

I am like you SCB, I always set myself up to get easily burned so perhaps you need to also continue to date others. This will perhaps at least give your mind some food for thought and then in a few weeks hopefully she might have a change of heart...her words have been said so perhaps being nonchalant about the whole thing may spin in your favour.

 

Good luck!

 

Thanks for this advice!

I am considering carrying on as normal.

 

Ironically I don't think she's been dating others, but perhaps she's realizing it is an option. And then she heard I had been dating... it may have affected how she felt. Anyway I'm realizing this isn't a best time for a relationship for me either, so maybe we're more on the same page than I thought.

 

The whole thing is confusing so I'll take it slow, talk to her again and see what happens.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...