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Becoming delusional, scared, and scared to hear people tell me "get over it"


brett5673

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Well, the title may be a little misleading. As of now, my head is sort of spinning. The way I think is just not good I suppose, bottom line. Today made me realize that I may not be as close to over my ex girlfriend as i thought. We were very close for 9 months, and it has been about 9 months since weve been close. Tonight, a girl i take as a friend, one i dont know too well, asked if i wanted to fool around. all we did is kiss a little, and it made me just think so much about the past and everything. Im really lucky this girl was very understanding, and I could still be just a really really good friend to me, im thankful for that, but ive never thought of her as more, and shes the same towards me. I have a hard time talking to people about how I get slight depression from this stuff, so ive held it inward since the extreme pain from the break up has gone away. Every night for 2 months, at least, Ive had a hard time sleeping, and I just stay up for no reason. I have felt uneasy for such a long time, and I dont know how to tell people any more. as we speak, I should be studying for a Psych exam, but Ive procrastinated and procrastinated, and I just feel so uneasy so much.

 

The more I write, the more I dont know if this can do good, but I had to do something. Right now, I just wish I knew what I could do to get to a more solid happiness, and I know its within. Partly I feel that I could never do as I please. Id love nothing more than to move to Canada, or go to school there, or just be far away. I lived in the same area all my life, and I think it may be time to move. Maybe Im a dreamer, but at the same time, I realize its my life. When I was talking to this girl tonight, it made me realize how much i forget that fact. Like I said "I could never get to New York" and she said "Why not, its your life".

 

I feel like I need a brand new start or something. People are good to me, and Im a fortunate person, but Im just not happy enough of the time. Im scared to talk to people about it, cause theres a breaking point with peoples understanding. Im sorry if this is a vent. In honesty, Im OK. But I hate feeling sadness so much of the time. Thanks for anyone who reads this, and for any responses.

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All of what you are saying is natural to feel. I am assuming from your message that you are relatively young. There aren't a lot of young people (or people in general, I suppose, but especially young people) that will take the time to be empathetic to someone who feels this way, though. So, some might tell you to "get over it" even if they shouldn't.

 

Your existence hinges on your ex right now. I know, because I've been there, and I am still there now, sometimes.

 

There are some random thoughts that I would like to share with you, knowing that you are in that difficult and dark place.

 

1. Don't allow yourself to ruminate for too long (for more on this, read the book "Learned Optimism").

 

2. Trust your heart, not your fears. Consider what makes your life most worth living and what makes you happiest. Take steps, even if they are very small ones, to pursue this happiness and to restore your confidence. Consider what would make you just a tiny bit happier or a bit more confident, and challenge yourself to take one small step in that direction every day. You might need a new start. It might be moving to NY or Canada, or you might require an interim step, like moving to the next town over. Just try to run toward something rather than away from something.

 

3. Make decisions and try to face your worries head on. What do you need to do to have closure about your relationship with your ex? What about the relationship do you miss? How can you go about obtaining that again from her or from someone else?

 

4. As you say, you have to live for yourself and find your own happiness. Easier said than done though, right? It is hard. It takes a lot of time and a lot of work. If you can get there in 5 years, you are probably doing better than most. So, challenge yourself to get there sooner, so that you can live the life you want to live, but go easy on yourself and grieve when you need to. Just know that for every minute you can find your own happiness tomorrow, you are that much closer to finding happiness for a longer time in the days that follow.

 

I hope that some of these thoughts are helpful to you and that you find the happiness that you seek.

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