Being TOO FORWARD

[Dougie_D]

For some reason I can tell complete strangers my life story. I don't like people keeping secrets. I've taken that to heart and it seems like it is ruining my life. I've been getting better, but I really have to hold back sometimes and it hurts. Could this be a reason why I can't seem to find a girl?

[ionno]

I think it comes on as too much for someone that's just getting to know you. It's a lot to take in when the first thing a person hears from you is your life story.

 

I don't like keeping things in either, but I have a very select group of friends that I release to. You need to build these relationships up over time.

[Dougie_D]

That's why I need to move away. I live in my hometown and I can be a huge SOCIALITE. Everyone I know, knows that I'm a 29 year old virgin! Even high school teachers knew that I wasn't dating anyone during that time. I even asked my assistant principle to try to hook me up with girls! I can't focus in life. All I want is to have a girlfriend and lots of sex...since 6th grade!!! I asked out every girl in my 7th grade class, EVEN one of the substitute teachers!

[natalie121687]

Sounds like you might be addicted to the idea of sex. I think you should talk to a therapist about your problems and not strangers who are unprepared for your lamentations.

[ProtestTheHero]

This is one of the few times I can actually contribute to a discussion about this stuff.

 

The key is to tell people (women in this case) things about yourself that's appropriate given how long they've known you. No one wants to hear a stranger's life story, especially when that stranger is romantically interested in you and you've yet to decide.

 

Being a socialite is good, but keep it light. Don't talk about your virginity, your relationship with your parents, or anything like that. You want your first impression to be that you're a normal and fun dude to be around. The last thing you wanna do is make random women feel like being around you basically means that they're going to be your therapist.

 

A lot of people say women are really good at reading body language. I think most of the time that's giving them too much credit, but I think that they can sense sexual desperation or when you're viewing them in a sexual way. When I remove sex as an expectation or a goal and I talk with a woman, I talk to her like I would a guy that I'm trying to get to know. In the back of my mind I know there's potential for something more, but I'm not really focusing on it. When I enter into situations thinking "I've got to get laid," it doesn't work out.

[GeneralLee]

Your level of openness is a beautiful thing in a person, don't lose it. You just need to learn when is the appropriate time to be open about certain things. When you first meet someone keep the topics in neutral territory. Shared interests, hobbies, current events, stuff like that. Then if you feel a good vibe from someone, like they're engaged in the conversation, not just being polite and listening to you talk, you can let the other stuff start to trickle in. I've found that its best to let others ask or bring up the more personal subjects, and just drop a little pebble into otherwise innocuous conversation. Like when the subject of parents comes up, I know that at some point I'm going to have reveal that my father is dead, so I'll just drop it in ("Ya, before my old man passed away we always used to *insert something here*) If its something the person is interested in or wants to hear more about, they'll pick it up and go with it, but if its something they aren't comfortable talking about, they'll let it go without comment, and thats your cue not to elaborate. Basically, right now you're analogous to a water-balloon. You're eager to spill everything at the first pin- * * * * * of a interest. What you need to do is be more like a vending machine. Be open and let people know what you have inside, but don't force it on them, just let them pick out what they're comfortable with and put they're money (money=interest) in and get what they want out.

 

And Natalie, the guy doesn't need to see a therapist. Were you or are you a virgin at that age? I was a virgin until I was 19 and I was bottled up, I can't imagine what he feels. But believe me brother, once you get that first one out of the way, you'll be a different person, you won't be so focused on it anymore. Hope I've helped man.

[Theblueman123]

Uh just invest time into learning how women and attraction work, seriously you can get almost anyone if you know how to. Women kinda like personality or whatever but if you know how to handle yourself then you're set. Idk just try and learn, because you're getting it all wrong right now from what I'm seeing.

 

Oh yeah, being too forward is bad unless you're like 5.

[AuthenticAuthor]

That's why I need to move away. I live in my hometown and I can be a huge SOCIALITE. Everyone I know, knows that I'm a 29 year old virgin! Even high school teachers knew that I wasn't dating anyone during that time. I even asked my assistant principle to try to hook me up with girls! I can't focus in life. All I want is to have a girlfriend and lots of sex...since 6th grade!!! I asked out every girl in my 7th grade class, EVEN one of the substitute teachers!

 

Moving away may be a good idea if you sincerely feel you can't undo or avoid any serious stigmas attached to you by your local community. A fresh new start may be in order.

 

However, don't leave without brushing up on your social skills. From what I'm reading, your lack of "focus", as you put it, is precisely the problem you need to conquer before moving onto anything else. It'll keep you from finding love, a job, good health, etc. Go to a martial arts class, or something involving much discipline, and stick with it; it'll be the greatest investment you'll ever make.