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Boyfriend is meeting a girl from the internet?


haileyi

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Hi all,

 

I'm in a bit of a difficult situation and I'd appreciate your insights. I don't even know what to think anymore...

 

 

 

I had noticed that my boyfriend was acting "off" in the last few months and that he'd said a few disturbing comments (finding certain women attractive, having thoughts about having sex with other women, etc.). He sort of seemed to be making everything into a joke, but I wasn't so sure.

 

Anyway, even though I didn't want to do this, I checked out some of his online activity by correctly guessing his password (after a few attempts) for a forum he uses. I knew that even if he would deny cheating upon questioning, I probably wouldn't believe him, so I wanted to check things out on my own.

 

To make a long story short, there were some private messages in his inbox between him and a woman that lives in the same city as we do. I went through all the messages, and it seems like they were actually planning to meet at his apartment some time while I would be away. He even assured her that he was "stocked" when she asked about this issue.

 

 

 

I think the writing's on the wall, but..I've been with him for almost a decade. What do I do? I don't feel like I can ever let go even though he clearly doesn't care about me anymore. What should I do?

 

 

 

Thanks,

haileyi

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I'm so sorry

 

If it were me, I'd confront him or show up during their little "date". The second part might not be the best idea, but I'd say confront him. He's cheating on you, so I'd say the fact that you snooped doesn't matter anymore.

 

-TOF

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There's lots of reasons here to end it now. You don't trust him, which led to you snooping and finding out exactly what you didn't want to, but I'm sure somewhere deep down you knew you would.

 

I, personally, wouldn't even confront him. I would cut my losses and move on from this man. He does not respect and care for you enough to not engage in this activity. He is emotionally cheating at best, with an obvious attempt to make it physical.

 

Don't turn your blinders on, and don't rationalize it by not wanting to give up 10 years of a relationship.

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To make a long story short, there were some private messages in his inbox between him and a woman that lives in the same city as we do. I went through all the messages, and it seems like they were actually planning to meet at his apartment some time while I would be away. He even assured her that he was "stocked" when she asked about this issue.

 

Wow(I'm referring to the bolded part)! I say let him go his merry way. I'm sorry that all of the time that you have invested in your relationship has gone to waste in a matter of months(possibly). I know that it's hard to move on from a long term relationship like the one that you have but you have to do this in order to get the respect that you deserve. You don't even have to confront him, just let him walk out of your life.

 

We are here for you whenever you need any advice.

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Ugh, he sounds disgusting! Just be glad you trusted your gut instinct and saw hard evidence of him straying from you. You're better off without him. Who knows what kind of STDs he would bring back to you? Walk away from this disgusting man before you get hurt more than you already are now.

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There's lots of reasons here to end it now. You don't trust him, which led to you snooping and finding out exactly what you didn't want to, but I'm sure somewhere deep down you knew you would.

 

I, personally, wouldn't even confront him. I would cut my losses and move on from this man. He does not respect and care for you enough to not engage in this activity. He is emotionally cheating at best, with an obvious attempt to make it physical.

 

Don't turn your blinders on, and don't rationalize it by not wanting to give up 10 years of a relationship.

 

This is the best solution (bolded). He may have broken trust, but you can still keep your dignity intact by leaving him without acknowledging his infidelity. Just keep your chin up and move on from this unworthy situation. Stay strong.

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I was in a similar situation I caught my ex boyfriend talking to another girl inline, they even exchanged phone numbers and were planning to meet, and this happened while we were living together.

 

I cant really tell u what to do it all depends how you feel about him, but remember you are more precious and worthy than he is taking you for. and you deserve better than a man going behind your back and cheating on you with someone online.

 

In the end i left my ex man and kicked him out.

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First off, I'm really sorry that this is happening. I had a kind of similar thing happen, but I only lost 4 years and after some time realized that salvaging the relationship would have been a mistake.

 

Like you said, the writing is pretty much on the wall. I would only confront him on it if you think there is any reason you would want to try and save this relationship. If you two had only been together two years, would you still feel as bad about the two of you splitting? Do you see more positives than negatives (other than this) in your relationship and if confronted, do you think he would be remorseful and want to work things out? There might be a chance he can't really go through with what he's been planning, but that doesn't change the fact that it is extremely over the line.

 

You need to consider if there is anything left there or just walk.

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You need to let him go, if he hasn't cheated already - he is definitely planning to.

 

Confront him and let him know what you found out, and definitely break things off with him. He has no respect for you. Even if you've been with him for a decade, are you willing to waste another decade on someone who doesn't care enough about you?

 

Hang in there.

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If you decide to confront him right now, don't be surprised if he tells you that it wasn't him, and someone else must have used his computer to write that. Most cheaters are "creatures of habit", and they all fall from the same tree.

 

In any event, he's already cheating, or has plans to.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Thanks, everyone, for your thoughtful responses.

 

It took me a while, but I finally did it. I broke-up with him because I couldn't take it anymore. I feel lousy now, but I'm sure it will be for the best.

 

Thanks again for your help and support.

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Don't stay with this guy, he sounds disgusting. And so, you've dated a decade? Why does putting a timely investment in a relationship outweigh any reasons like meeting up with another woman IN HIS APARTMENT.... to leave? He doesn't give one iota about you, girl. What a d-bag.

 

...I should have read your previous post.. but good for you. No-one deserves any treatment like that.

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i just wrote a long post on this forum which may help you. Sadly your situation is far to similar to the horror i put my ex through for me to comment further. all i can say is that if hes wondering now then he is not going to stop wondering til he finds something. stop him now and hell look later. It might not have anything to do with his feelings for you. Its just sometimes boys get distracted. My suggestion is to cut him loose until he learns to appreciate a relationship properly. Ten years is a long time together but that just means you can give him a little longer on his own to figure his stuff out. You know hes doing the wrong thing. I know hes doing the wrong thing. But i doubt he realises hes doing the wrong thing.

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