Desperation

[AutumnBorn]

I have a hard time understanding the kind of desperation it takes to settle for someone totally wrong for you just to have a sex partner or not be alone. Can someone explain it to me?

 

How can a recent cancer survivor have a relationship with a smoker? I mean, he says it's not love and she told him she wasn't "looking for a relationship", but she and her daughter are both breast cancer survivors and he smokes. If there's nothing there for either of them, how can she rationalize dating a smoker?

 

He says there's no spark there for him. I believe that's true. I also know that wouldn't keep him from playing whatever part he needs to in order to have a sex partner.

 

Why do they settle? And why does it infuriate me that they're settling for each other? Christ, I'm losing my mind.

[annie24]

like you said, they are afraid of being alone.

[JusticeLaw9]

 

 

Nothing to get flustered over. People are what they attract. We get desperate because we don't want to be alone, so we think the next best thing is to grab the closest person next to us. Usually things get all screwed up anyway, so why bother right?

[jbrooklyn]

i was desperate when I dated my past ex boyfriend. I finally woke up and realized it. I knew when I was doing certain things that I was being desperate but at the time, I was so jacked up emotionally that I couldnt even help myself.

 

Most of the time when a person is doing desperate things, it is because something inside of them is missing. It means sometimes that then need to do some soul searching and recognize that they need to get a grip. I cant lie....i was a hot mess!!! Thank God, I finally was able to get myself together. I am so happy about it. Even tho today was V day, I didnt feel bad about my ex today. It was great!

[LazyDaisy]

Lonliness can drive a person to do all sorts of inappropiate things. I used to smoke and quitting was the hardest thing I have ever done, swore I would never date a smoker. My current bf of 4 years smokes. I've dated men that cheated, men that stole from me, men that hit me. I am pretty, in shape, educated, i have a great career, I've been single for long stretchs and it really didn't bother me because it was what I needed at the time. But lonliness has driven me to date completely inappropriate men and I've even convinced myself that I loved them.

[AutumnBorn]

It's more than that, of course. It's Valentine's Day and he took her out. He took her out. In our many, many years together, I don't believe he ever took me out once. The most I ever got was a card. He said V Day was a marketing scheme, a promotion to stimulate the economy, that it means nothing, so he did nothing. Nothing for me. He's obviously changed his mind or has decided he can't let his lack of sentimentality be known.

 

It's the cancer/smoking thing that really gets me, makes me think that there's something even more twisted in their relationship than his and mine. It's like he's started out the passive aggressive crap way early with her and she's accepted it. I shouldn't let it bother me, but it does.

 

I had surgery on Friday. He took me, brought me home. My "nurse" didn't show up, so he texts me to check iin, see how I am. I'm just staying doped up and trying not to think about what I'm missing...and the great tummy I'm going to have this summer. That's right - I bought myself a tummy tuck for v-day.

[annie24]

i would consider distancing myself from this guy and moving forward. i don't know what his deal is, but i would focus on you and your goals.

[FrenchFries]

Is this a fresh breakup/divorce? I'm so sorry you are going through this. Best not to wonder why - you'll never have the answer. Focus on healing both physically and emotionally.