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How do you detach yourself from very painful memories


mr me

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I dont even know if there is really an answer to this question but its a very big problem for me. It seems like in any way something can remind me of my past. People say oh well you cant live in the past etc. but how do you do that when its something your doing unconsciously. I guess if people dont get what that means it means you arent in control of it. Also people say to go to therapy or whatever else but what exactly is it in therapy that helped you. Ive been in therapy before so im just saying if people can actually explain what helped them in detail.

 

I just see how much worse things have gotten over time with me dealing with this and am pretty much scared to how much worse it can get. I also dont talk about it in detail because talking about it doesnt help me because of how painful it is. I dont even know how im able to write this because so far I havent been able to really do anything besides just try to hide away from all my problems. I just know i have to try to make it so i dont see this world in such a negative way like I do because of the stuff ive been thru. I know good things are out there in this world but I dont see those things in my life.

 

I somehow have to deal with a dysfunctional toxic life around me before Ill ever be able to find anything better.

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The first thing you need to deal with is the apparent dysfunctunctional toxic life around you. Negativity breeds negativity, even if it's someone elses it can drag you down into it too. So, your first challenge should be to find a way out of the toxic environment. break it down into it't little pieces and step out of it as best as you can. In the majority of cases, it is our decision to stay in such toxic surroundings and in turn it is but a choice we can make to move out of it. Sure, if you have no money and no job, and living at home with a drunken father who abuses you... that may seem like an unsurmountable situation, but you can still step away from it.

 

You likely know what the causes of the issues are, so sit down and identify all of them on a pad of paper, then sit down and think what you can do to resolve them. The biggest issue will be trying to convince yourself to do it. Nothing is too hard to someone that sets their mind to it, sure success is never assured, but those who try and try again get further than those that wallow in misery and complain they are never getting anywhere.

 

The thoughts and memories of the past need to be dealt with. You need to be able to speak about them without fear or pain and the only way to do that is to just do it over and over again. Somewhere in there you need to forgive the person that caused the memories, even if it was you, and allow yourself to move on. Then whenever the memories surface, you need to thank you subconcious for bringing them to your attention and then promptly try to think of something else. The more you do it, the less the vagrant thoughts will appear. But continue to hide from them and they will continue to appear and hurt you.

 

Sometimes we try to avoid fully dealing with a situation because we fear hitting rock bottom. But the good things about rock bottom, is we often hit it and bounce back up again. I for a long time tried to avoid it by holding myself just away from it, but all I found I was doing was holding myself all the time. When I let go, I hit the bottom and began to climb again, and have not looked back.

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I feel my problem is i keep thinking things wont get any worse and they do. Ive been asking myself alot if im really am stuck in this or if im doing it to myself. Its just alot of the time people think its only one answer when its really both. I cant get out of this the way i am now but if i dont then i dont know how ill ever get past this. Its just a vicious circle i need to find a way out of.

 

I know im biased because of how much stuff ive had to go thru but its really different hearing advice from someone who went thru things they are talking about. Its alot of stuff you cant understand when it hasnt happened to you. I also feel like im going to wallow and complain because of how things just all come at me at once but that doesnt mean im going to stay like that.

 

I dont know a thought that is really bugging me is that even when you can deal with one thing something else can happen. I know its not a guarantee but ive always had issues my whole life. Its just trying to see if i can somehow see a way to not let that stop me.

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Also people say to go to therapy or whatever else but what exactly is it in therapy that helped you. Ive been in therapy before so im just saying if people can actually explain what helped them in detail.

 

I initially went to therapy as part of treating postpartum depression. Aside from treating that, I got a lot more out of it. It helped me to find closure about some things from my past: namely a very screwed-up family situation.

 

I believe that cognitive-behavioral therapy is the best method out there because it is evidence-based. See link removed for more specific info.

 

What I found useful is that I had concrete tools/exercises I could use when encountering a difficult or hurtful situation. It totally changed my perspective on the way I handle conflict and negative forces around me.

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