Please help, what should I do about this guy I like?

[kitsune4]

Okay so I posted about this guy last week and I’d really appreciate some feedback on how I should proceed.

 

I’ve hooked up with him three times since I met him last March. The first two times he was too drunk and we didn’t have sex, we only fooled around. The most recent time, last Friday, I couldn’t get into the mood because I was unsure if I wanted to have sex with him because I didn’t want to have another one nightstand with him. We did have sex for maybe like a minute but we mostly fooled around. I don’t know think he even got off when we were having sex or fooling around, I saw no indication that he did

 

Pretty much the first time I fooled around with him, it was my third sexual encounter in my life. I’d lost my virginity to a guy two months earlier who turned out to be a giant douche and I was rebounding when I met him. The second time, I thought maybe he liked me and didn’t know how to approach me.

 

I don’t know if he likes me or if he only wants to have sex with me. He always seems nervous about approaching me at bars and will never approach until I acknowledge him first, and a female friend of his told me he doesn’t go home with girls that often unless he likes them, but she may just of been trying to help him get laid as I felt apprehensive and expressed this to her. Also I don’t think he is that sexually experienced based on my experience with him, not an issue, because I’m not that experienced either.

 

Basically, I know I’m going to bump into him again sometime and I’m just wondering how I should do this. Should I simply say no to going home with him next time, because I’m fairly confident he’ll try, and not explain why. OR Should I maybe explain to him that the only reason I’ve ever slept with him was because I like him and thought maybe he liked me and that I can’t do this anymore if its just sex.

 

I don’t want to say the wrong thing to scare him off and I’d like to maybe shift his sexual interest in me into something a bit more legitimate. At the same time, I don’t want to make him think I’m looking for a serious relationship, I’d only like a chance to get to know him better and let it go where ever it could

[ionno]

This is a somewhat confusing predicament you have here.

 

Like you said, you have those two options. Definitely explain your feelings.

 

Do you come off as experienced at all? That might be making him apprehensive to sex, or he may just like you and isn't sure if you feel the same way and isn't comfortable doing something like that with someone he doesn't like.

 

There are a ton of variables, do what feels right.

[hmdreamer7]

Should I maybe explain to him that the only reason I’ve ever slept with him was because I like him and thought maybe he liked me and that I can’t do this anymore if its just sex.

 

Yes! Tell him this, tell him exactly how you feel. Give him your number and tell him that if he wants to go out on a date sometime and really get to know you, that he can call you. This way you aren't pressuring him to make the decision right away. He'll know what you want, and will have time to decide what he wants as well.

[kitsune4]

Thanks for the responses, I definitely think I need to explain my feelings to him now. I wasn't totally sure before. BTW he's 24 and I'm 20.

 

I was thinking next time I see him of saying something like:

 

Look I know you have no reason to believe this but I’m really not the kind of girl who goes home with randoms. The first time, I was rebounding from the first guy I’d ever been involved with. I’d lost my virginity to him two months earlier and a few weeks before I met you I’d found out he’d started dating someone else through a mutual friend, he didn’t even officially end it with me because I guess he wasn’t brave enough. I didn’t realize I’d react the way I did. When I met you, I thought you were a cool guy and really cute and I clearly jumped the gun, I was still really heartbroken about this other guy but I genuinely was interested in you, don’t get me wrong. Every time we’ve hooked up since I’ve been apprehensive and I only did it because I have feelings for you and I thought maybe you liked me too but were shy or embarrassed because of what had happened before. The only thing I’ve ever wanted was a chance to get to know you better and I can’t do this anymore if it just about sex.

 

Would this be good? Or is this too much? Obviously on the spot, it'll probably be a little different but this is generally what I'd like to say. I suppose I'll know what feels right when I see him

[Casperlady]

Am I think wat you have wrote there might be a bit too much for him I think your best just saying how you feel you like him and you want to know where you stand with him what is he looking for so ye are both on the same page. Too much and you may scare him away