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Sexually lost - Still Loves me - Time to move on?


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I have written for ages and ages on our relationship on there. Its finally come to breaking point.

I love him so much and he loves me but our fighting is just unbareable. We both now have been diagnosed, me with depression and him with social anxiety disorder. My doctor advised me that maybe it be best if we went are parting ways as I need someone that is going to pep me up and he does too. I have been upset all weekend, even through valentines day.

This is what I am dealing with at the moment.


1. He wants me to pass everything through him. If I want to go to lunch with a girlfriend, I need to ask him first just in case he wants to see me or had planned something .


2. we haven’t had sex in about 1 month. We both live with strict parents, we are rarely alone meaning we don’t have the time or opportunity to have sex. He also said to me yesterday he really doesn’t have any sexual feelings for me or anyone. He just feels dead inside. He said that he did love me though but all the fighting has made him loose his sexuality. He told me that with his last ex whom he was with for 5 years that the last year they didn’t do anything ( she wanted to wait til marriage but they did other things ) He said he has conditioned himself now to where if he doesn’t have sex then its not a big deal and he didn’t care if we had to wait one year. I on the other hand think this is a big problem. It honestly feels like we are best friends ( even my girlfriend said that ). My bf has had trouble with erectile disfunction also, coupled with diabetes 1 which makes him have low sex drive.


3. He still lives with his mother – his mother is a widow. She doesn’t like being alone and often places HUGE guilt trips on him. If we were to move out I guarantee that he will receive phonecalls from aunties asking him why he has left his mother alone and what’s the point in moving out if we aren’t married ( he is 31 and I am 27 ) . We have been together since September 2008. His mother isn’t talking to her daughter at the moment so she just mopes around the house, she is also on antidepressants due to her husband passing away 6 years ago.


4. My boyfriend still cries and basically flips out when he talks about his dads death. Yesterday he spoke about it ( on valentines day ) and he misted up and started crying. I don’t know what to do or say .


5. We have had issues with my friends and my boyfriend – he wants to feel accepted by my friendship group. He constantly ( in the past ) emails my female best friend everyday ( well so she said ) asking how she is, whats going on, did she have a good weekend. This makes me uncomfortable and also makes her uncomfortable. If I was to tell him that it made me uncomfortable he would snap and we would have an argument like many other times. So I don’t say anything – am I being unreasonable?


6. He tells me I am moody and my moods are up and down all the time – Yes I am depressed. I don’t know how to react to someone that tells you that he doesn’t find you sexually attractive and is sorry we cant have sex. Yes I cried and I broke down. He told me ever since we have been going out I have began slowly dressing like a grandma and I have lost my sex appeal. This is due to the fact that when I did dress normal his mother commented and said she hopes not to see me wearing a push up bra again or showing my flabby arms, because the dress I was wearing was too tight ( I am 150 pounds and 5’5ft so I am not thin but I am not fat either ) . So this has made me self conscious and I wear cardigans all the time to work and even when its 90 F or 38 C . He told me not to worry about his mum and dress how I want. But I really do not want to offend her again, so I guess I don’t know what to do.


There are many things working against us at the moment. Sometimes I think it would be easier to split and go our separate ways.

We both are getting councilling but I dont know how much good this is going to do.


xx S

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It sounds to me that it is time for you to move on. You have your own issues to take care of, and it does not seem like he is helping you to resolve them. If anything, it seems like he is making it even harder.


If you are really meant to be together -- and that doesn't seem to be the case -- he will still be there for you later.

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