Jump to content

was doing better until I got this txt message...


Recommended Posts

I was taking it one day at a time. It's been a little over a month since I talked to my ex. I wont lie, I still thought about her all day all night... I was still having a hard time accepting a life without her. It was slowly starting to get a little easier to smile until one morning I got a txt message from her.

 

It said " hey Mark, I just wanted to let you know I had my surgeries and they came back positive. I start my treatments next week". She had found a lump in her breast when we were still together. They said it wasnt cancer but they wanted to remove it. Turns out its Lymphoma cancer.

 

My first emotions were to want to be by her side and support her, but then I had to remind myself that this is the same girl who dumped me over text messaging, and said she fell out of love with me, wanted to me single and date. I returned a message later saying "Im sorry to hear, but why are you telling me this?". She said she was telling people she thought would want to know. I don't think she expected the response I gave her, because she turned around and started saying "Im doing great, everything is fine, dont worry about me etc..."

 

I feel like Im running backwards now. I was always the one at her side helping her through difficult times. She had health problems. I never left her side. I cant stop thinking about her....and the fact that she keeps telling me how great she is.

 

I feel so lonely today/tonight.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That would mess with my emotions.

 

Sounds like she texted you because she thought you would want to know and didn't realise that you still had feelings after this time.

 

It's horrible to know you have had this set back and I hope it doesn't take you long to bounce back from this. Take care mate,

 

DazB

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A lot of times people truly care about their partner or ex-partner, and part of them may even still be in love with them on some levels, but it doesn't mean that they can be in a romantic relationship with them. She needs to know that you still care about her, but she feels guilty contacting you at all because she knows how much she hurt you. Her sickness is an opportunity for her to reach out to you and make contact under the guise of "this is a really big event".

 

People are fearful of being vulnerable and fearful of reaching out, especially to an ex, and especially when their lives aren't going all that splendidly. It is hard to be authentic to ourselves sometimes, let alone authentic with those we share deep histories with, those we still respect on some levels, and those who we feel that guilt toward.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey Mark,

 

My husband and I separated a few years ago, and then a few months later I was diagnosed with breast cancer.

 

Cancer treatment is a huge huge thing, and she will need all of the positive energy around her that is possible.

 

In my case my husband was the dumper, so aside from telling him about the cancer I really did not expect anything from him -- because at the time he had a girlfriend.

 

Instead I relied on friends and family to go to all of the appointments and to hold my hand through things, to help change dressings after the surgery, to run to the grocery, to lift the heavy things I could not do until healed, to drive me until I was allowed to drive, etc.

 

My husband wanted to be involved and since he was the dumper, I thought maybe it would make him think about what life would be like without me alive. But it did not make him want to get back with me. That was a real eye opener.

 

So, I have excluded him from most things because I only want positive energy around me so that I can heal totally.

 

There are things you can do from a distance so that you do not feel like you are being used: you can say prayers for her healing each and every day, you can send her uplifting and inspirational messages if you feel comfortable, you can send her cards or even cook up a few of her favorite meals to put into the freezer.

 

Some helpful books I encountered in this journey: Love, Medicine, and Miracles by Bernie Siegel; Reinventing Medicine, by Dr. Larry Dossey, and The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle.

 

A cancer diagnosis is scary and it can be a life changing experience. Who your gf was before when she broke up with you is not going to be the same person in a few months...

 

I guess my point is that you can pick a level of wishing her well at whatever place you feel comfortable. But please do let her know that you wish her well. You may not choose to do anything more than that, but cancer treatment is a big thing.

 

Btw I am doing very well and almost one year past my own diagnosis.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks everyone. I felt a little weak today and did contact her to say happy Valentine's Day and hope she is feeling okay. I tried to stay as positive as I could. It just hurts because she makes it seem like she is doing great and that her life is better now without me.

 

It sucks because I am still having VERy difficult days and I still think of her ALL the time...I am still not able to get past the acceptance of everything.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks everyone. I felt a little weak today and did contact her to say happy Valentine's Day and hope she is feeling okay. I tried to stay as positive as I could. It just hurts because she makes it seem like she is doing great and that her life is better now without me.

 

It sucks because I am still having VERy difficult days and I still think of her ALL the time...I am still not able to get past the acceptance of everything.

 

I understand this is probably very tough for you, but she is going through something that no one should go through. Do what you can to offer her some positive energy. You don't have to be by her side holding her hand, but don't tell her about your hurt or try to lay any guilt on her. She is going to have to try very hard to stay positive.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

trust me, I want to do everything possible to make this easier on her. I still love her with all my heart, even after all she has done. For me, love is forever. When I tell someone I love them...I always will. I wish I could be with her so bad

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think you should be totally honest and tell her how you feel. Tell her you wish her well, are thinking about her, but it still hurts that you guys aren't together anymore. You spent the entire time you guys were together being completely honest about your feelings, why stop now?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

trust me, I want to do everything possible to make this easier on her. I still love her with all my heart, even after all she has done. For me, love is forever. When I tell someone I love them...I always will. I wish I could be with her so bad

 

Mark, she might be just saying she is fine so that you will not feel burdened.

 

Lymphoma is a tough tough diagnosis. It can spread all over the body.

 

It sounds like you have such a loyal and tender heart.

 

One neat thing someone gave my aunt when she had cancer was a decorated box full of slips of paper with little prayers and inspirational messages written on them. So when she was having a bad day then all she had to do was to open the box and read one or two of those sayings.

 

Even if she was rotten to you at the end, you can still be there for her in a friend-like way.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...