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Well, I'm pretty much healed


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So, we broke up for good back in mid-October of last year after a 1.5 year long relationship.

 

I remember when she first rejected my attempt at a reconciliation, I begged for a little bit and tried to reason with her. However, nothing worked. I remember immediately after the break up, I was walking on the beach telling myself out loud (people probably thought I was crazy that this was a good thing and that she deserved to be with someone who was closer to her age and could treat her better than I ever did. I felt numb and like I was in a dream. I told myself that I would be over this in a matter of days, but those days turned into weeks and those weeks turned into months.

 

I kept asking myself why can't I let this go and why am I taking this so hard. I could rationalize the situation, but I couldn't stop my feelings...which I'm still uncertain as to why I lost control over them like I did.

 

Anyways, after she rejected me, I started searching on how to deal with break ups as I hadn't felt such a sense of hopelessness in a long time. I remember reading about NC and how you should grieve the loss. After I read that, I cried like a baby. It was almost like I needed permission to do something I've always considered weak. Once I started, I couldn't stop. It felt good, but it was embarrassing, even if no one was there to witness it.

 

I tried to avoid advice on getting an ex back, because from past experiences, I knew it was pointless. My ex has tried to contact me a few times after I told her that I cannot be friends and she would always get angry with me for it. But, it's not my problem.

 

She called me last Wednesday to let me know that she finally got her papers back from my parents house. When she called, I didn't recognize her number or her voice and I kept asking who it was because she wouldn't say her name. Finally, she got angry and said in a nasty tone, "Who do you think it is?!"

 

I guess I got my closure from that as I started remembering all of the qualities I disliked about her and this was one of them. I just responded with a very monotone voice, "Oh, now I remember." She started telling me what happened when she went to my parents and I just said "okay" a few times then "bye." I felt nothing...perhaps a little anger at the way she talked to me, but I'm glad that she did as I'm back to who I was when I first broke up with her.

 

I quit smoking and I started working out again. I've been working a lot of over time and I'm managing my money correctly this time around. Life is getting better with each day and my ex is becoming a distant memory.

 

I still think about her constantly, but the emotions are no longer there. This is success in my opinion.

 

So, just thought I would share.

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Thanks, guys. NC and positive thinking is definitely the way to go

 

Good to hear you're doing well. Just don't force it. Just when I think I'm feeling normal and have moved past it I keep falling back in. Just take it for what it is and live by how you're feeling day by day.

 

Very true. I've been feeling this way since the ending of January, but I gave myself some time before I decided to post a thread like this. Her recent contact made it even easier.

 

The main thing I'm focused on is that I'm motivated now to improve rather than dwell in self-pity (a few months ago, I would just stay at home and either be in bed, or surfing this site). Even more, I actually want to start dating again and I'm finding other women attractive now.

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