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please i need help


ilovemygirl

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I will make this as short as possible.

 

I have been seeing this girl for a little more than a year. I am 37 and she is 46. in the beginning it was just sex and we had an NSA relationship and i told her that i would never commit to her. After 10 months of her sleeping at my house almost everyday we stopped talking for 1 month. i actually missed her. i did not sleep with anyone else (which is surprising for me considering my past, but that is another story). i contacted her a month later and we hung out and the first thing i said to her was i missed her and i love her and she replied the same. she always told me that she loved me and wanted to entertain the thought of having a relationship with me. she then came over to sleep over and we had sex. in the morning she acted differently and left early in the morning not her usual routine. i realized something was very wrong.

 

at the end of the week she ended up sleeping with another guy that she works with. i was ok with that cause i felt i pushed her into another guys arms. this has been going on for 4 months now. he is 53. she tells me that i am better than him in every way possible other than he has a better body than me. big deal; i have a good body im just not a work out nut like he is. she is not pretty nor does she have a good body. as a matter of fact her body is ugly but in some sick way i actually love her body and all of her imperfections. i am used to dating model type women and she is far from that. but i love her for what she has inside. i have something with her that i never had with any girl and that is intamacy. we can talk for hours about anything and i dont get bored i just love her that way.

 

after 3 months on this bs of back and forth with him and i and couldnt take it anymore. he had no clue of me for the last 4 months. i went to israel to clear my mind for 30 days. i told her to see him as much as she wanted and to sleep with him as much as she wanted. when i was to return she needed to make up her mind. i told her that i was not going to contact her for 30 days.

 

3 days into my trip she emailed me telling me that she missed me and she loved me and how hard it was for her that i was gone. i made the mistake of emailing her back. we emailed each other back and forth for 10 days and she finally called me there. before she called me she told that she was done with him, that he is boring, that she has no pull or attraction to him. they barely have sex when she is over there. believe me she is a sex fiend. when we are together which is all the time we have sex 3 to 4 times a day. she told me that she wants to be with and only me. when i was in israel she called me 3 to 5 times a day everyday. i believed her and told her when i return i want the truth about everything and she said fine.

 

she said that she had sex with him 2 days before i returned. i said that is fine but you need to end it with him. she said that she wanted to do it on her time and her way. i said that was not good enough. i then grabbed her phone and called him and left him a message telling him what kind of a person she is. i said things like she slept with me in the morning of her b-day than borrowed money from me for gas to go over to your house and sleep with you and then she returned to my house to sleep with me and slept over.

 

now she says she is done with and wants nothing to do with me. i understand that she is mad for what i did. all i want is to have her back and i think i can in some time. she told me not to contact her anymore but i know i can in a week or 2 and she will talk to me.

 

i would like some advice from anyone. please dont tell me to forget about her and let her go. that is not what i want to do or hear. i know all of you will say to leave her and tell her to f**k of but i am crazy about her. all i want to know is how to get her back. as far as i know me calling him ruined anything they had together. so please anyone out there tell me what to do to get her back. i am in a world of hurt and cant function.

 

i just found out that she was at his house all day yesterday and slept over. that really hurts.

 

thanks

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I don't mean to sound judgemental, but this relationship seems troubled from the start. From what you describe, it seems like both of you have trouble connecting with people in a long-term, faithful way ... perhaps due to fear of intimacy, perhaps due to a wandering eye, perhaps due to narcissistic tendencies.

 

All I would say is that you need to decide what you want out of relationships in the future. Have you had problems with fidelity in the past? I would seriously consider just a few counseling sessions just to sort through some of your thoughts. I think you are ready for love and for love in a healthy way, but you have to learn how to want love when it's available to you and not just when its gone.

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You two are so nuts, you are well suited to each other. I'm sure she'll be back & you'll work it out. I mean that fondly, you are nuts to be content with a gf like this. Or maybe you don't consider herself your gf. Who knows. I guess you'll get what you ask for. You told her it was fine to sleep with him and she did. I'm not sure what you're expecting here. Who knows, maybe she'll stay upset you called him... unless she's as nuts about you as you are about her... in a crazy way. This story is a little unusual. Maybe that's why you haven't gotten many responses. Good luck to you.

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i told her to be with him in the month of jan. and when i return to figure out what she wanted. she contacted me in israel and said that she is done with him and i believed her. no im stuck at a crossroad. i want her but at the same time i cant trust her. i really do love her a care for her like no other. i am feeling like crap. i cant function normally

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i saw her yesterday morning and we talked and fooled around in the car. she cant say no to me and i cant say no to her. there is something about her that i cant let go. she said for not to call her anymore and give her space. i told i would call her but not anytime soon. she said fine. im really losing it. i cant do anything but think about her

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