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How do you know when you are being pursued?


Shnoodle

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How do you know when you are being pursued... by an ex?

This may sound like a very stupid question.

 

Honestly I don't think I know when it comes to my ex, "Don't expect anything" and "Try not to read too much into it" are so engraved in to my brain. I can see the obvious signs: the flirting, the lingering forlorn gazes, the fishing for information about my feelings (all coming from the ex). The advances are becoming more regular now, and have spiked up dramatically recently. Yet I still sense some inner confliction.

 

I know it doesn't neccesarily mean anything but I'm swimming in a sea of feelers. Not exactly a bad thing but strange. Obviously that's not the same as the words "I want to be with you", I get that. I couldn't conclude if it's my case, but I wonder how often dumpers fear rejection?

 

Anyone else notice a boom in contact from their ex around this holiday? I guess every case is different, but I wonder how normal feeler-ville is?

 

PS. Feeler is a term I've stolen from other threads, I guess you can describe it as actions that show they are looking to see if you still care.

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If u guys loved each other u would have either A. Not given up on each other or B. Came to the conclusion that despite loving each other u cannot work through the differences and therefore would not care if the ex is pursuing u.

 

That's my opinon.

 

But in any case, why try and look for clues, read hunts, or guess? Just ask them if they wanna give it another go if they say no move on.

 

U will find out one day that wasting time on an ex was the biggest waste of time.

 

Bottom line is, if they loved u or wanted to be with you, they would be.

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If u guys loved each other u would have either A. Not given up on each other or B. Came to the conclusion that despite loving each other u cannot work through the differences and therefore would not care if the ex is pursuing u.

 

It is not always so black and white. There are plenty of things that could cause two people who love each other to breakup up.

 

To the OP: without more information we can't really give you any insight as to whether he is pursuing you or not. But his sending out an increasing amounts of "feelers" is certainly a good sign.

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It is not always so black and white. There are plenty of things that could cause two people who love each other to breakup up.

 

To the OP: without more information we can't really give you any insight as to whether she is pursuing you or not. But her sending out an increasing amounts of "feelers" is certainly a good sign.

 

Agree. And if they come back and sincerely still care about you and want to make something happen ... how is that giving up? I think some of he best stories come from people who broke up for whatever reason, still held feeling, but moved on only to reconnect years later. It's pretty amazing.

 

 

As for the original question. I think when you already have been together and been close, the person pursuing should be a lot more forward and it should be obvious. When you first meet and are interested it's very foggy because you don't know anything. The second time around after being friendly, hanging out, showing you care... it should be pretty straight forward that you want to see where it goes. Not necessarily we're back together, but serious talk about what they want from you.

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I wonder if I write like a guy..

 

You hope to get back, to be friends or just because you hope you will deny her an opportunity?

 

We currently are sort of friends, though I know this is not likely to last. We both still have some feelings for the other. If we don't get back together, we are eventually going to end up seeing other people and it will be painful on the other. I think this is in the back of both of our minds, honestly. I'd never be so vindictive as to string him along to hurt him.

 

I'm focused on my own life, and I let him do his own thing. I know I'll be happy either way the coin falls (I just may find my ex majorly confusing along the way). Whatever happens, happens I guess.

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To me it is that black and white.

 

If I love someone I'm not going to take a break from them to try ans figure out what I want, or to fix a problem between us.

 

I would stay and work it out like a relationship.

 

My dad has left my step mom for a break. He came back and well the problems are still there and thr love isn't.

 

But sure... I can see the perfect couple, always taking breaks because they're not capable of taking a problem and fixing it, so instead they run.

 

Give me a break

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My opinion is that if your ex really wants to be with you, they would climb through mountains to be with you! so just keep an open mind. Whatever would be would be. If you are rationalising, then they arent pursuing you, because when they are, you would know! you wouldnt need to ask!

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I need to have a bit of a rant, having an odd day.

 

I need to backpeddle a bit first. My ex as I've said has been coming off pretty strong lately, even being borderline needy. (We were both codependent in our relationship, it doesn't put me off.) Our LC has escalated to contact almost everyday, and it's to the point where he acts almost like a boyfriend. I know this is good progress. He talked about Valentine's day a lot as it approached, saying things like "Valentine's Day is soon...". I saw him in person shortly before Valentine's Day and he seemed sad. He said it didn't feel like I missed him, and talked about how he dreaded being alone on Valentine's Day. His body language was like his arms were crossed, but in a way like he was hugging himself, he was very focused on me, and giving me the sad eyes. It was hard because I really wanted to console him, but I kept a empathetic, yet positive attitude and I joked around a bit and he seemed to have cheered up some when I left.

 

Valentine's Day I spent the afternoon out doing errands then spending the evening with friends. He texts me to wish me a Happy Valentine's Day and I return the sentiment and let him know I'm out. My friends are evil. Not really evil, but they lack some of that tough love ENA gives. I told them about the way he's been acting, and they all seemed surprised that I wasn't spending Valentine's with him, and the general consensus was that it seemed like he wants to get back together. I even heard along the lines of "You'd think he'd want to use today to try to get back with you.". I didn't think I gave much credit to what they said.

 

Then today.. he keeps finding silly excuses to text me. Then later he gets home and catches me on messenger, and asks me to come over for a bit. I had plans to go out with a friend later in the evening, but I have time so I figure why not. My stupid brain keeps asking "Is he finally going to ask?" (stupid expectations have seeped in). He seemed kind of nervous when I first got there, but it quickly gives in to our normal playful banter.

 

Then...

he starts to act quiet..

 

and he starts to play a videogame.

 

Meh.

 

When we were a couple this was common, he'd play while I'd read and we'd just quietly enjoy each other's company without the need for chatter.. but we aren't a couple anymore so it's a little odd. Also, he tends to play for HOURS. I really didn't feel like sitting around while he played games (no pun intended), and my stupid brain started with the insecurities and disappointment. Like "I'm just his crutch", "He's never going to say it.", and the ever so classy "Sh*t or get off the pot!". Normally I'm comfortable hanging out with him, but since I half expected something different today, I found myself feeling uncomfortable and frustrated. I catch it before it sours my mood and I left after about 20 minutes of him playing to head to my friend's.. a half hour early. They weren't feeling well so now I'm home.. grouchy and wanting chocolate.

 

I have to remember: Patience. Patience. Patience. #-o

Expectations suck.

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