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My NC journal


H20

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I'm new here.I have been involved with a 'friend' for about two years.

Well, I am in love with him, he loves me, but he is with someone else, but wants to stay friends. I just cannot do it anymore.It hurts.He is one of my best friends, but friendship is not what I am after.

 

Tomorrow will be V-day.I am tired of knowing he is with her, and at the same time saying how much he cares for me. It's all empty words to me now.

I'm not desperate, or lonely.I am very attractive.I know I can do better than him, but not as long as I am still 'stuck' on him.This sucks so much.

 

My last contact was last night when I sent him an email to him saying I do not think we should do this anymore. Of course he doesn't believe me.I have said this before, but stayed around. It pains me not having him in my life, but

having him in this way is hurtful. I want more.

My only goal right now is to make it through until the 1st of the month (March) and get through the painful withdrawals. I cannot plan past that, because emotionally I am just not ready. I will do what I can day to day.

 

I am going to attempt to post my progress .The good days, the bad days, and the ugly days.I am having a down day today. I want to email him, but I refuse.He contacted me last in reply to my email. He hates when I get this way, but I don't care. I have to stop caring about him or what he thinks. He made the choice to be with her.he has never had to love with the consequences of that decision. Only I can do that. It hurts so much.

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I cab feel your pain. My ex just left me too but you need to face the truth and the truth is he left you. But the best way to get over it is don't contact him anymore Eve thought you want to. I'm in the same position as you I really want to contact my ex but I know I shouldn't.

 

You should start going out with friends an if you ever feel you need to talk to someone just post on here.

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Day 2:

 

I got a short email from "him' at around 2:00 this morning...

Subject: Happy Valentines Day!!!".In the email.."Hope it's a special day for you.You deserve it"... I contemplated responding...so I sent a simple "Same to you"...That was it.

It did not set me back at all. But it didn't surprise me at all that he emailed me.

 

I'm just really truly ready to move on and for him to just leave me alone. He knows how I feel about him.I have told him..but it's as if he needs ME in his life in this capacity.I just don't want to deal with it anymore. I just hope he will just realize I mean what I say and leave me alone.

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I guess this is day 4:

 

I have not heard from him since early Sunday morning when he sent the V-day message. It's for the best anyway.Nothing good is going to come from it..even though I DO miss his friendship. Truth is..I was probably a better friend to him than he was to me, so I won't try to glamourize anything. I can at least walk away knowing I did my best, but it was still not enough. And I'm ok with that. It's the not knowing that kills me.

 

I have off today, so gonna try to make it a good day and get some things done.

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