Any advice? Should I hang in there?

[kingsandaces]

Okay, so I really like this girl. We're really good friends, have spent a lot of one-on-one time together, so we know each-other very well.

 

I've already asked her out once, but she said she wasn't ready for a relationship and didn't want a boyfriend. She said she was afraid of being hurt, and afraid of hurting the guy.

 

I left it a couple of months, found out that she knew I still liked her from one of her friends, and so just decided to write her a letter, explaining to her how I felt, and why she shouldnt be afraid of being in a relationship.

 

A few days ago we met up and had a chat about this and tried to work it all out. She said she was really really afraid of being hurt again. Although she's never had a boyfriend or kissed a guy before, there was this guy who she was in love with a couple of years ago, and he misled her into thinking he liked her back. She says she's afraid that if she goes into a relationship, it will all end badly.

 

She also said that "I'm afraid that if I go into a relationship with you, when I'm not IN LOVE with you, then I might never fall in love with you and only end up hurting you". I capitalised the words 'in love' because I just feel that it was interesting she used those strong words. I tried to tell her that she doesn't have to be head over heels in love with someone to start a relationship. (Maybe I'm wrong but her choice of words, in my opinion, suggest that she does have feelings for me, but that she's not in love with me)

 

She even told me that she had told some of her friends about the whole situation, and even shown some of them the letter, and that they all said she should just give it a go. (Maybe I'm wrong, but if they knew she only only saw me as a friend, and nothing more, then would they really give her that advice?)

 

She even told me that she was thinking one night after she got the letter that maybe she should just give it a shot, but then the next morning she thought 'no, no, it will only end in pain'. ANd I've tried to reassure her that it doesn't have to end in pain at all.

 

She even told me that her brain says she should give it a shot, but her heart is too afraid to.

 

She also says that she's afraid that because I like her I'm not seeing her "bad qualities", and she asked me to list "5 flaws of her character". She's afraid that if she goes out with me, she'll only end up hurting me- which isn't true.

 

I'm about to go on holiday, and she says we should have another talk when I get back. I guess my question is: do YOU think I have a chance? And what else can I do to assure her that she won't get hurt?

[Leighton]

Aw.. she seems like she has low self esteem and is very scared of getting into a relationship.

 

There's not much you can do.. you can't *convince* her of anything. My advice would be to stay in touch with her, keep seeing her and show her yourself. You can't promise you'll never hurt her, or anything crazy like that, because none of us know what the future holds. And neither does she... everything in life is a risk. She has to be willing to take it on her own.