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I need some help...I need someone else's perspective


jeff89179

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my girlfriend and i have been going out for a year and almost 4 months so far. the first year was fun and affectionate. She was studying in the culinary arts and now works at a restaurant.

 

i'm not sure what happened or what changed with me in the past few months, but i've noticed a change in myself. i'm more irritable, more things about her annoy me (they never annoyed me before). I feel she's more into her job at the restaurant than she is into me.

 

This is the longest relationship i have ever been in and i'm not used to having a girlfriend who knows what she wants to accomplish in life.

 

i know i should be talking to her about this, but first i want someone elses point of view to help me decide what to do or at least to help put things in perspective.

 

am i being selfish for wanting more affection from her? in the past month and a half, we have barely made out at all (we used to a lot more). then she got her job full time instead of being a full time intern, and we don't do much anymore. i know she loves me, and i know i love her. and there are certain fears that i don't wish to acknowledge just yet. i know i will have to at some point.

 

she seems afraid to request off for work (to me at least) because its "not proper" to ask her chef a question during work or during her scheduled hours. Having worked in a place that required you to constantly pester and remind your employers for them to get anything done for you, this notion of it not being proper to ask for a day off for a wedding doesn't make sense to me. You don't see someone get married every day. this is her first real job though.

 

i am her first boyfriend, her first kiss. so selfishly, i seem to have expected her to be more affectionate towards me. i thought it would be much sooner before she said she loves me, but it took seven or eight months, where-as i said it around six months. i could tell she wasn't ready yet, and i told her i wouldn't say it again until she felt like she was ready. she said it a month and a half (or somewhere around there) later.

 

and right now i am wondering if this has a potential to go anywhere, like marriage, a family. if so, i would like tips or advice on what to change in myself if i want us to survive. i am willing to sacrifice a lot for her. i just don't really know what it is i can sacrifice.

 

any advice would greatly be appreciated, if you need more information to help you find the words for the advice, just ask, and i'll inform you.

 

thank you.

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i have brought it up. i told her she's been less affectionate. she doesnt really say much about it but she hasn't really noticed it. And i know she's more stressed at work. she was also looking for a car, so now that she has the car, maybe some of the affection will return, but i dont know.

 

i also think maybe the fact that i'm still getting used to going to a new college and commuting is affecting me. also, i don't have a job, and because i take the train to school, i don't drive as much. i constantly run into failures with the car when i am able to drive it. so perhaps some of this anxiety rests with me?

 

i know she can read me like a book, so maybe if she's seen me acting upset or pre-occupied, she reflects it because she doesn't know how to help me yet. i don't know...

 

i dont know what happened to me. i'm really suspecting that its me that changed over the last few months, not so much her. i've always had my insecurities, but i didnt have many if any at all in the first year we've dated. then all of a sudden, i start up at a new college and the insecurities just come flooding in again. i lost much of my confidence and i dont know how to gain it back.

 

now the topic seems to be stretching accross a few different topics. not just relationships

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